Small Efforts, Bigger Impact: The Power of Collective Action

How do you measure a contribution? How do you evaluate your role in a larger plan, and the impact of your efforts on that broader vision? I recently attended a Board of Directors retreat, where we spent the entire day discussing policy changes, the state of American politics, and the future of all nonprofits—mental health providers included. We were all concerned about the present, but we were also reminded that things were never truly in the right place, even 50 years ago. Even in the darkest of times, it’s one step at a time.

In these uncertain times while we can’t predict the outcome or decide on a single course of action, we know one thing for sure: we must keep moving forward.

After 2016 election, when everything seemed to fall apart, my eldest child said something to me that resonated deeply: "The darkest times create more social awareness. People take their social responsibilities more seriously and commit to causes."

I see this shift happening within the Desi Moms Network. More and more mothers are becoming interested in understanding policies, the school system, and the importance of awareness when advocating for their children. It's an inspiring change.

Two mothers from the group recently enrolled in the Parent Consultant Training Institute (PCTI), run by the Federation for Children with Special Needs. It’s a 60 plus-hour commitment. One of these mothers has a baby only a few months old, yet she was determined to learn more to better support her 10-year-old daughter. I am so proud of her dedication.

This is exactly what we need in these times—people who are not only aware of the challenges, but who are actively seeking knowledge and tools to create change. It's a reminder that even when things seem uncertain or daunting, we can always take action, one step at a time.

As a community, as parents, as advocates, our contributions may sometimes feel small in the grand scheme of things, but they add up. They spark awareness, inspire action, and can ultimately drive change. Together, we can help build a better future for the next generation, even when the road ahead is unclear.

A silk saree for the retreat. 

Beyond the Bias: A Journey Through Surat's Cultural Diversity - Ramadan Market

I didn’t know if society needs extremism for its growth, but it exists everywhere. We live with our biases, often unknowingly and sometimes knowingly. Prejudices guide the way we behave, follow our traditions, culture, and family values, and dictate how we live our lives.

I am visiting Surat, staying with a dear friend, and experiencing life in this city. It’s a port city with a business-dominated community and is the fabric capital of India. Fabric mills and diamonds are the biggest industries in the city. It’s located in the northwestern part of India, so it is heavily influenced by Muslim and Persian cultures. I visited the Raman market, which was something I witnessed for the first time in my life. We drove to another part of Surat to eat a very typical Iftaree. Muslims fast the whole day and eat only after sunset. The whole street came alive, with food everywhere and very long lines to eat. And it wasn’t just Muslims in line to eat the tasty food. I’m not sure what happens during the day or early morning before sunrise, but the evening experience was one of a kind. There were a lot of young kids playing, giggling, and laughing. People were eating with their families. I did not see many Muslim women, but I saw a lot of non-Muslim women—basically, a lot of people like me who were there for the food and fun.

And yes, if you are a vegetarian, please eat at home, as there is nothing for you there—no salad, no fruits, no vegetables. I ate to my heart's content, and then we drove to another part of Surat, which was dominated by Bora Muslims. They are another sect of Islam and follow Syedna, their spiritual leader. Surat is the hub for them. The atmosphere, the people—everything—was entirely different from what I had experienced half an hour earlier. The Boras are one of the most educated and well-to-do families in India.

A very dear friend in Boston belongs to that community, so I know about their philosophy. But witnessing it firsthand in their home was an entirely different experience. Even in these two places, not for a single minute did I feel any religious extremism. I definitely did not look like one of them, but people responded to my greetings, made way for me, and courteously answered my silly questions. They took my pictures when I asked and treated me with gentle smiles.

It made me wonder: Are we really any different? Why is it hyped that certain areas are unsafe to visit? Why are women advised not to go alone? Would I have gone on my own if not with a friend? I don’t know how to emphasize the importance of going and experiencing other festivals, lifestyles, and the way people behave in their own habitats. Those happy, smiling young children were no different from Hindu children celebrating Diwali or Holi. Why does religion divide people? Why is it so hard to trust that everyone believes in harmony and wants the best for their children?

A Night Out in Bangalore: Celebrating Women’s Day in a New Light

 Even with long flight, jet lag and tiredness, after a one-hour nap during the day, by evening, we decided to go out.Technically, I should have been in bed by that time, but I was excited to explore Bangalore. We left home after 9 , and thanks to the timing, we managed to avoid traffic.

After making a list of happening places we decided to hang out at Kaavu, a bar and restaurant not very far from the home. 

What struck me right away was the energy in the air. I saw women, not just couples, hanging out together in smaller and bigger groups. The atmosphere felt liberating—women enjoying themselves freely and safely at night, something that felt refreshing. There were some families, some children, but the majority were younger professionals. It felt like a different India—one where women are empowered to enjoy life without fear. 

After that, we went to my favorite place, Rameshwaram Café, around midnight. 

Rameshwaram Café, with its vibrant vibe, made it feel like the city never sleeps. The café doesn’t have seating arrangements; the idea is to come in and go out. But people found space to sit wherever they could. 

Most of the crowd was young, enjoying a cup of coffee, some snacks, or indulging in ice cream and dessert while catching up with friends. It was the perfect way to unwind on a Saturday night.

 I am in awe and  I’m so proud of what I saw. The perfect feeling on Women’s day. Even though I don’t typically buy into the idea of celebrating specific days. But, I understand that if it takes a day to draw attention, so be it. I hope we are all supporting, enriching, and educating our daughters to be fierce, independent, and, above all, good human beings..

A khun saree for a saree meet right before my travel.

Rameshwaram cafe - The Name - to pay tribute to Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, as Rameshwaram is his birthplace.

Kaavu is vast and scattered, so it didn’t feel crowded. I took pictures of the quiet areas to avoid making people uncomfortable. But Rameshwaram had a completely different vibe—loud and vibrant

Amma ki Chitthiyan - Letters from my mom

 I love organizing, but when it comes to cleaning, I always lack motivation. I start with good intentions, but then get stuck organizing things, and the original task remains unfinished. My bathroom and floors might be dirty, but my pantry and linen closet will be organized. They were, anyway, in better shape than the kitchen and bathroom to begin with.

I get frustrated, and because I’m not 100% into it, the mess piles up for the next day. Yesterday, I decided to clean one drawer at a time, and then this happened: I found a bag full of letters, most of which were written by Amma. A few were from my sisters, papa, and a couple from my in-laws. I started reading, and time just flew by.

It's hard for many people to understand now how important these letters were, as they were the only way to know things in detail. Amma wrote regularly, and so did I. Sometimes, my sisters would get a photocopy of my letters to Amma and Papa, especially after the kids were born.

Amma had beautiful handwriting. She wrote consistently, keeping me informed about family, friends, and our town. She shared details about our garden, our neighbors, and asked many questions about our lives away from them—especially how badly she missed her grandkids.

Reading these letters made me miss her even more—so many memories and emotions came flooding back. The time difference and distance didn’t matter. These letters are a bridge to the past, a way to keep Amma’s memories alive.

A silk contemporary Ikat for a ladies get together. 

Celebrating Republic Day -A Day of Honor and Gratitude

I am deeply honored to stand among such esteemed women at IAGB’s (India Association of Greater Boston) celebration of India’s 76th Republic Day.

Making a difference, supporting families, and being a source of comfort during difficult times is truly fulfilling—but it can also be exhausting and overwhelming. Events like this ignite our passion, recharge our spirits, and inspire us to strive for more each day.

A heartfelt thank you to the IAGB team for this incredible honor and the warm felicitation, and to all of you who came to celebrate this occasion.

The Desi Moms Network family is immensely grateful for the recognition and support.

Having Anand in the auditorium with me made it even more special. Sharing this moment with my son was truly priceless.

This day was even more meaningful as I wore my mom's kanjivaram saree. I thought of her many times throughout the event and felt her presence around me. I know she is proud of me, and that thought brought me immense comfort and joy.

The Screen behind had my introduction - 

Jaya Pandey is a storyteller, blogger, and community builder, Mom, wife, daughter, sister and a friend.

She is passionate about writing, cooking, music, traveling, and connecting people to one another. She uses Sarees as a medium to talk about social causes, disability, and life as an immigrant woman and a Special Needs child’s mother. She founded Desi Moms Network, a global community that connects Indian moms with Special Needs children to encourage them to be each other’s combined strength, support, and resource.

Mission Shakti

Empowering moms, daughters, sisters, and friends to stand tall, to access education, and to have a fair chance at every opportunity. Standing by their side in creating a world free from violence and discrimination, without barriers and challenges. Women supporting one another, looking at the bigger picture and a better future. Empowering women and nurturing an inclusive society where everyone has access to opportunities, resources, education, work, and rights.

Navigating Loss, Finding Strength Together

 My mother was a pillar of strength for all of us.

For so many years, we thought our father was the strongest and wisest person—and he truly is—but my mother was the strength behind him. Over the past 10 months, his voice has lost its power, his body has become more fragile, and he has been emotionally low.

Our mother nurtured us in her own way. She treated each of us differently, knowing exactly what we needed from her and how her presence could shape who we are.

The calendar has changed, but it hasn’t filled the void. Time has not healed much over the past 10 months. Yesterday was her birthday. With Mr. Husband in India, the house feels so empty, and Anand and I are finding ways to be together and to be kind to one another. Surprisingly, it is working out well. I think we both are kinder and more patient with each other. He’s even been enjoying the idea of being my plus one.

I didn’t want to stay at home on Amma’s birthday. I had to attend a wake and then an Indian event, and Anand agreed to come with me. It was his first time attending a wake and seeing loss up close. The long line was overwhelming for him, but he stayed patient and kind. He stood beside me without his headphones, watching and observing everything. He learned a lot and understood more about personal loss.

Last night, on our way home, we talked about things we want to do together this week. This morning, he helped me clear the snow from last night’s storm before going to work, ate whatever I cooked for him, took public transport even though I offered him a ride, and picked up groceries after work.

Yesterday, I wore a Tussar saree to celebrate Amma’s birthday. I stood beside one of my mentors, who lost his wife, and later attended an event on Kashmir and its history.

"A New Year of Hope, Dreams, and Courage"

I recently came across Neil Gaiman’s New Year’s wishes, and I couldn’t have found better words. 

As Mr. Husband calls it just another day, the turn of the calendar does bring a fresh set of wishes, dreams, hopes, apprehensions, and concerns.

2024 has been a truly unique year. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. It has been one of growth and loss, learning, and moving forward.

Amma left us in just two days, and her absence feels like an ever-growing void. Yet, amidst this grief, I find peace and fulfillment. My work in special needs world has been valued and recognized in ways that reaffirm my purpose and passion.

As we step into this new year, I wish for everyone a spark of hope and the courage to dream big. I wish for moments of joyful craziness and happy madness. I hope you find the right words to express yourself, even when it feels difficult.

May everyone find people who truly understand, respect, and love them for who they are. I wish for everyone to have someone who walks beside them, holds their hand, and dreams with them—someone who fuels your fire, laughs at your silly jokes, find melody in your tunes, trusts in your instincts, believes in your aspirations, supports you in turning those dreams into reality and walks into fire for you and climbs the hills to be with you.

May you find the strength to chase after what truly matters, the courage to leave behind the pain of the past, and the resilience to move forward toward a brighter, better tomorrow.

Here’s to hope, dreams, and the courage to live them fully. If you feel alone please know you are being seen.

Neil Gaiman's post  - https://journal.neilgaiman.com/2011/12/my-new-year-wish.html

A Mysore silk saree for a saree sister meet up. 

As I wrap up my first day of 2025, I am determined to follow some routine and structure, tried some today. Including having dinner with my first support system.having friends over was such a great start of the new year. I cleaned the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher and now time to call it a day.