Gentle parenting - The way you decide to raise your kids

"Gentle parenting is an approach that encourages a partnership between you and your child, making choices based on internal willingness rather than external pressures.

Last week, I spent some time with a friend daughter I've known for over 25 years, who is now a mother of two young kids. I was amazed to see how patient she was with her toddler, constantly talking and explaining things. As I observed her, I couldn't help but express how wonderful she was. She explained the concept of gentle parenting to me, emphasizing the importance of validating emotions, listening, offering choices, and finding a middle ground.

Our conversation got me thinking that I had been a regular mom without reading books, studying psychological concepts, or taking any classes. I did whatever I felt was right. My husband certainly treated our kids as individuals and didn't impose his choices on them, while I alternated between cajoling, pampering, threatening, and scolding our boys when necessary.

I followed some of my parents' ways and let go of things I didn't like from my own childhood. There is no definitive right or wrong in parenting; we do what is possible given the circumstances and situation. We all have regrets and wish we could change things in our own or our children's childhoods. I certainly could have been more patient and calm, spent more time with them doing different things, read more, helped with schoolwork, traveled more, and cooked less.

What do you think? Are there things you would do differently? 

A beautiful silk from a saree friend, She was visiting Boston from India, doing her own parenting thing, settling her daughter in a new city, thousands of miles away from home. Trusting she did the right thing.

 I know I did whatever I could but given a chance I will do million things differently with these two. 

 I saw this dad playing with his daughter in a distant corner when most of us were enjoying eating and drinking at a friend's cook out. This remained with me for a long time and while writing this I had to dig out this pic.

Build your village - A sleep over, a celebration of many things.

 When I started building Desi Moms Network seven years ago, I had an idea. This idea was developed by many, and they all shaped it into what it has become today—a group, a sanctuary, a safe place. Each and every person involved in it received something different from their experience, perhaps corresponding to the effort they put into it.

One day, I ventured into a tiny village within this larger community, where four women were collectively defining what this village meant to them in their unique way.

Imagine a sleepover with four women and four kids, all demanding attention and care. That evening, amidst the chaos, I witnessed harmony. Despite the kids running around, humming, shouting, and expressing themselves in their unique ways, these mothers managed to inflate balloons, decorate a wall, play music, savor delicious food, and cut a cake for one of the mothers celebrating her birthday.

What I witnessed was truly incredible. These mothers had done this so many times before that they precisely knew how to manage each other's kids. They made hot idlis because one of the kids loved them, included chicken in the takeout menu because another child would definitely eat it, and allowed another child to blow out the candles with minimal noise to accommodate their sensory needs. I stayed for a couple of hours, marveling at the synchronization they had achieved. I couldn't help but think about how exhausting it could be, yet these moms knew how to have a good time. Their plan, as always, was to wait for the kids to sleep and then stay up late to enjoy themselves, even if it meant waking up the next morning with minimal sleep.

As they juggled feeding kids, cleaning up, and chasing after them, jokes and laughter took center stage. I drove home, keeping that vibrant image in my mind.

So, if you ever feel like you don't have the time, energy, or that your plate is too full, remember to make space for that one phone call, a check-in text with a new mom, or a coffee date with another mom—you never know what it could bring into your life. 

A green soft silk for a quick meet. 

While I was celebrating the village, my son was busy with his video game. I sure have my village I wish I had done something for him. I keep telling these moms to learn from my mistakes. They sure are. Building not only their village but their kid's too. 

The theme was F.R.I.E.N.D.S

An online yoga session with my village. 

Federation’s yearly Gala - On the Shoulders of Giants: 49 years of hard work

 It's hard to imagine that 49 years ago, a few parents sat around their kitchen table and initiated something that would go on to change the lives of so many children over five decades. I am incredibly honored to be a small part of that organization.

The Federation for Children with Special Needs provides access to information, resources, and support for all caregivers, including parents, grandparents, foster parents, guardians, and other designated representatives. ( from FCSN.org)

 As one of the board members, I cannot express enough my appreciation for everyone on the board and the staff for their hard work in making things happen for these families.

Last weekend, the Federation hosted its Annual Gala with the theme "On the Shoulders of Giants," honoring the pioneers of the federation. These were the individuals who made it possible for our children today to have access and opportunities.

The Gala brings together people from all walks of life: parents, caregivers, support staff, various government agencies, and some wonderful souls who provide financial support to these programs, and most importantly, the families.

I donate Indian cooking lessons every year and have the privilege of meeting amazing families eager to learn the art of Indian cuisine. I reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and returned home with a renewed commitment to continue doing what I do for these families.

A Kota Doria Silk Cotton matching with the theme color of the Gala.

Please visit FCSN.org and support anyway you can. 

My plus one for the night

Resetting the phone, life, time, and myself, perhaps?

Yesterday was one of those "reset" days when you find yourself constantly connecting and stretching, rarely pausing to reevaluate whether all of it is truly necessary.

My phone's password became entangled in a series of frustrating delays. It started with a minute, then five, then 15, and eventually stretched to an agonizing hour, followed by three more hours. The three-hour wait was the last straw. I decided to erase everything, fully aware that only my contacts (the most crucial aspect for me) were stored in iCloud. Since I regularly back up my photos, I wasn't worried about losing them.

I've been spending time reinstalling apps, exiting or deleting numerous WhatsApp groups, and contemplating whether I truly need so much clutter on my phone. I did lose some very valuable conversations and important messages on WhatsApp, but it's not the end of the world. I will adapt, learning to live without them and collecting things more mindfully.

I lost a lot of ghazals from the WhatsApp group I'm a part of. I may have many of them on my computer, but I'll miss the convenience of having them on the go. I also lost tons of my mom's voice messages and a multitude of unfinished drafts for my blogs. Maybe it's time for a new thought process. I will ask my mom to send me more voice messages, and I'll listen to the ghazals I have with greater attention. 

Today, I'll be resetting all those everyday apps, including banking and work logins.

My calendar is also empty now, so if you believe I made a promise, accepted your invitation, and failed to show up, please understand that my iPhone decided that I needed a pause in life.😊 

A Baghalpuri silk for a Hindi Manch Production, One of its kind in Boston. A dear friend wrote, envisioned and produced and found the best team to make it happen. Boston Saw a grand show. 

This was another reset for some, an improv meet at the local park - Not your typical families but they are there was one another to help them grow and support.

 Reset comes in many forms, water does that to me. Its a happy me in Nantucket , Below are the pics from my Cape trip - I was standing tall against all the waves and then came a big one knocked me down and then again and again I was knocked down. Someone extended a hand and I stood tall again. 

***A day in Nantucket***

 We took the early morning slow ferry from Hyannis and absolutely loved it. The highlight of the trip was witnessing the beautiful sunrise. The slow ferry offered more space compared to the fast ferry, and it was also cheaper and cleaner. 

I would advise against bringing kids and older people on this trip as there is a lot of walking involved. The downtown area has cobblestone streets, which can be hard on the knees.

We departed at 6.30 AM and returned at 6.15 PM, making it a long day. We managed to do a lot, but the evening was quite tiring, and Nantucket was getting busier. If I were to do it again, I might opt for a later ferry around 11 AM to noon and then take the last ferry back. Alternatively, taking the slow ferry and resting on board might also be a good idea. The fast ferry costs $60 for a round trip from Monday to Thursday, while it usually goes for $80 round trip over the weekend.

Be prepared for the high costs on Nantucket; expect to spend around $20 per person for breakfast (including tip), $40 for lunch with a drink, and $50 or more for dinner.

Nantucket shops and stores do not have restrooms, but public restrooms are available throughout the town.

Parking is free but allowed only for a short time. During our visit, we went to two beaches, Siasconset and Madaket, both of which had no entry fees. This seems to be the norm on Nantucket. The beaches were beautiful, with big waves, a bit of rough sand, and spectacular views. Please note that there are only portable restrooms available at these beaches.

You have several transportation options on the island. You can rent a bike for $45 from 9 AM to 5 PM, or you can purchase a local bus pass for $8 per day, with each trip costing $2 or $3, depending on the route you take. There are two major bus stops, and we found it convenient to use the bus to explore the island. Just remember to have exact change because the machine does not provide change; instead, it gives you credit to use on your next ride. For example, if you pay $20 for two passes, you'll receive $4 in credit for your next ride. However, we had day passes, so we didn't need to use the credit.

Please be aware that bus service may be seasonal, and it's recommended to check the latest routes and information on their website: https://nrtawave.com/routes/. You can also use the TransLoc app for updates.

We had a delightful breakfast at Island Kitchen, which is a little over a mile's walk from the ferry stop. It was a beautiful morning, so we didn't mind the walk, but there's also a bus from the downtown stop to Island Kitchen. We arrived early, enjoyed outdoor seating, and received excellent service. By the time we finished, there was a line of people waiting to get in. I highly recommend this place.

Our visit to Cisco Brews was on a Sunday, and they charged a $10 cover fee. We paid $8 for beer and $12 for wine. They had a few food trucks on the premises, and we tried Millie's Taco ($18) and some kebabs from another food truck. We took the bus and walked about half a mile to get to Cisco. They also offer a van drop-off and pick-up service from downtown, but we opted for the bus as Uber was taking too long and was expensive. The brewery was a lively, crowded place with a live band, several food trucks, and a fun atmosphere. If you enjoy a bustling and lively environment, it's a great place to visit, and the $10 cover fee is worth it.

After Cisco Brews, we took their van back to Downtown Nantucket and waited for our 6.15 PM Steamship fast ferry. This was the last ferry by that company on a Sunday, so it was quite busy. You can find more information about the ferry services at https://www.nantucketferries.com. I found the staff at Steamship to be very kind and helpful, and they explained all the available options. However, I personally decided not to use Hy-Line, another cruise company running fast ferries, as their staff appeared rude.

Website - www.NRTAwave.com

Island Bike Company http://www.islandbike.com

Young's Bicycle Shop https://youngsbicycleshop.com

Ferry   https://www.nantucketferries.com