When we dont feel like "fitting"

Yesterday I wrote THIS and got a personal message from a friend of ours -

I know the context is very different ....
But many a times i felt the same. Sometimes one really does not feel comfortable at one place. That really does not mean the place has something wrong , people around are different than you or u r different. There is some sense which tells ... No not here ....
Many a times we act for a while and move on ... And even go there again and feel same way ... But we try to control what our mind tries to tell us.
 Kids usually don't do this ... Unless forced ... Even after forcing one has to just give up forcing ... Because they r just not happy there ...
We should try and make them feel they are lucky .. They are not forced to do anything ...
I wish ... I also can live in same way .... Do only that what pleases me ... Be there where my mind is .... Say what i mean .... And be in position to say whatever comes in mind ..... Most difficult thing .... We directly indirectly apply so many filters ... 
I wish I was so free ...
Your posts usually make my thinking process start .... I read them many a times ... And then keep on talking to myself ... 
This time i am talking to you ...
I usually don't talk to u as my mind wanders is very different direction with the same thread
. Please forgive me if anything i have written is hurting u ... I really care for u and i have great respect for u ..

When I was writing about Anand, only he was in my mind. Didn’t think it would touch any “adult” or “non-Autistic” cord. But it did. I appreciate the above respond which gave me another thought process.. We all are made differently and process differently. “J” is so right that we have so many filters and we apply them to just “fit” in the place. Our mind wonders, fortunately we know how to bring it back but kids especially autistic kids don’t have that ability. When the coach said to Anand -oh well, it was not a day for you but hopefully we will see you soon. And my son just turned into that angry man – “I am not coming here ever” I just didn’t know how to cover this up. The coach has been doing this for a long time so he knew what did Anand meant – he could read in those lines” I don’t belong here”. I felt apologetic and didn’t know what to say.. well, That’s what I am working on and need to learn more – to let my son feel that he is appreciated and lucky even with his differences.

But today I am feeling lucky to have friends around who understand why some times these filters don’t work in our family. Please know how much I appreciate the acceptance of non filtered life of ours..Thank you “J”

When you don’t fit in a place..

Which was meant to accommodate you.

Have you ever felt this? We have been told by Dr. A (Anand’s behavior therapist) that we should make extra effort to socially accommodate him, encourage him to go out and spend time with other kids. Dad and I also have been feeling the same but how and where was always a questions. When your special need child is in middle school you can feel the difference in social circle. They are not invited to so many Birthday parties or sleep over. You call his OLD friends and they don’t come running to your house anymore. So we thought of joining some social circle made for special need kids.

Last night was one of the try. Special Olympics’ basketball season in Canton. Thursday is always a busy day in Pandey household so I was little hesitant but Dad wanted to give it a try. So I met them from work and Dad brought Andy to Canton.

We met the coach and many more volunteers. They were wonderful. Andy was complaining of headache since morning so it was not a good sign anyway. But sometimes you just have to do what you need to do. A Dunkin donut treat brought him to Canton at least. Within 10 minutes we figured Andy doesn’t belong there. The assistant coach tried but it was just not the place for him. I saw a lost kid who was trying hard but just couldn’t be there. Finally in 20 minutes he was mad and angry. "I just want to go home ". The sound of the whistle, screaming kids was enough to abruptly end the basketball season for us. On the way back he was mostly quiet, we talked about importance of sports but he just didn’t want to go back to that place again.

That is the weird thing with Autism. It is custom made for you. You child will be only one piece. To find a perfect place or solution is very hard. They just don’t fit not even in a place which is designed to accommodate them. Well, the search begin again...

What to look forward to?

The year-ends and a New Year begin. Only on calendar though. We remain same as a person and just hope that whatever is not working out will take a 180 degree turn and things will be ok. We remain hopeful for another 365 days and then again analyze the past 365 days and wish for another happy days.. it’s a life cycle.

As kids go back to school today I am thinking about just last 2 weeks, mostly vacation week. We did some thing different for Anand and usual things for Ajey. Anand enjoyed Disney On Ice (I was surprised again) and I am starting to believe that I can take my son for musical events. He always loved music and I hope that he will continue to be a musical kid. Science museum was another story, he just walked around, was mostly interested in lunch and other stuffs to eat.

But what surprised me most for his interest in dinner party we had for Ajey’s friend. I had great time cooking and I believe those teenagers had greater time eating. They all came on that stormy night, I am thankful to parents who came later that night in 6-8 inches of snow to pick them up. When I was getting Anand ready to bed he said to me I want to invite my friends for dinner one day. I asked play date ? and he was - no mom, dinner. I want my friends to try Indian food. Now that blew my mind.. this sentence coming out of a kid who is not big into “trying anything new”

So this year that’s what I am looking forward to “trying out”

I hope I can find few of Anand’s friend who would like to try out his food and come for dinner. Will keep you posted. meanwhile I just wish for more "trying out new things"..