Siblings..Much more than its meaning from the dictionary.

Siblings – such a strange relationship. The best friends or foes, mentor or learners and inspiration or matter of shame. I grew up with 3 younger sisters and a whole cousin clan. My sisters are my pillar of strength. We grew up in a busy household. Over the years, we have been so much more to each other than just siblings.

It was a natural progression of life for me when we wanted a sibling for Ajey.  We moved to a new country, Ashish was happy with his work and I decided to put the “career” on hold., Ajey was 2 yrs. old and having another kid seemed the right thing to do. Soon we discovered Ajey is having a brother. Slowly I accepted that my life will be legos and cars. Ajey was in Pooh phase so was excited about having a piglet brother.

Fast forward 18 years we forgot so many exciting things we had those days. Difficulties of Autism took the face of brotherhood and before I knew the two young kids, who played cars and legos in my living room together for hours were separated by two floors of our home. Ajey was beyond his age and Anand couldn’t keep up with changing time. So, the three years’ gap became beyond numbers. On top of that Ajey has always had different approach in life. His social activism is sometimes beyond my tiny mind too. In general, he really is a man of lot of words and that is the biggest drawback for Anand.

I never gave up and always had the conversation with Ajey about this but at the same time I cannot make a grown kid to accept everything I say. On top of that Ajey so inherited his mom’s short temper too so it’s not easy for him to stay calm all the time. He doesn’t have the whole idea about his brother’s complicated disability.  

Last week one day while cleaning kitchen the brothers snapped. I totally could see how Ajey’s tone irritated Anand. Anand was angry and Ajey was frustrated. I intervened and as usual became the defensive mom. I will never forget how frustrated he was with Anand being so “flat” with no interest and no drive to do anything fun. He felt helpless that he doesn’t know what to do with his brother.

When look back I am so glad it happened that day. I was shocked and didn’t know what to say. But finally, I gathered my thought and talked. the 9 PM conversation opened another door for both of us. I asked him if he really want to do something about it. I couldn’t be any happier that he really wanted to work on it. The teary-eyed mom and brother sat and talked about how life could be unfair to us. But still he is our darling and if we don’t think about him who else would.

I could explain to him how his brother is fun if given a chance, how we need to find things he is good at, things which are less intimidating and more fun for him. How can we teach him new things, introduce him to better things in life, to encourage him to come out of his shell.

We came up with things to do with Anand and how to work on it.

Stay tuned for another post about siblings. But last week was a discovery of brotherhood in a new light.. these are the pictures from Sunday.  Ajey could convince and teach his brother how to mow the lawn.. I am so glad you cannot see an emotionally messy mom who was taking the pictures from distance.