Rituals are supposed to bring peace—a reminder that the soul is on its way to continuing its journey. I am not sure if we do it for the soul, or for closure and our grief.
We call Pandit ji (priest), do all the rituals, and invite people to be part of the celebration and feast. I am not sure if any of these things make sense to me, but it brings peace to many.
All of us carry a mountain and find solutions in various things. Sometimes they make sense. Sometimes they don’t.
For Amma's first death anniversary, we provided food in an old age home and in one school. I was not sure if any of those good wishes were making any sense for Amma or her existence. None of those people had any idea who my mother was, but we wanted to do something. In that way, the whole meetup brought another perspective in life.
In that old age home, I went twice—once for breakfast and once for dinner. One of my sisters went for lunch. During both of my visits, I realized how lonely old age could be. I served the meal and spent time with some of them, hearing their stories.
One of the women had four sons and her own house, but she said, “I’m happier and more at peace here than with any of my kids.” Another had stayed single all her life, lived on her own terms, but when she was diagnosed with heart disease, she could not stay on her own and decided to come here.
It was saddening to see the living conditions—so many cots in one room, just a cupboard for the belongings of a whole life. I have no idea what they do during the day, but it does not look like they have any classes or entertainment going on—the way they plan these things in the United States.
I went there to serve food, but I came back home rattled and thinking about old age. Their stories still linger in my mind. I wish I had some more time to listen some more and may be make it little better or may be they don’t need my American ideas?
Have they ever thought that they might end up in that place?
Do you think about your sunset years?
Amma's kosa for the day
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