If Everything fails - just cook :) Day -3

Day -3 Sunday 03/15

I couldn’t wait to implant my crazy idea. Sunday morning was fun, a sunny morning, breakfast ready courtesy Husband. A fabulous mix veg omelette just made my morning with the Tea made by older kid.

a dear friend from Moms Network ’s bday called for a virtual party. 4 of other “senior” moms agreed to participate in my crazy idea of a surprise video call for her. when she took my call, ( she must have thought why video call?) she had no idea and before she realized 3 of us were seeing and wishing her. Whats app has a limit of 4 participant so added another one when someone had to leave the call. It was much needed fun for all of us. We all joked, laughed.

 After that a quick run to Kitchen and a quick fix lunch was ready . Marinated Tofu came to rescue, fried rice with Tofu, Peas and corn with some Salad and I was ready for another round of video call. 10 other moms were interested and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it :) so I started making what’s group of 4 and made another group and then mix and match. It was very fast and fun. The best part was ever changing dynamics of group. some curious kids and husbands came to say hello to Mom’s new friends. It was fun to have everyone, It was like Mom’s dinner/lunch on a totally different level. Many of them met for the first time. they formed friendship over unusual circumstances.

I so wish I could post those pictures. I will make sure to ask for permission tomorrow.

After the two hour of Phone marathon I got back to Kitchen. A friend was coming from India so decided to cook something for her.

It was a beautiful day so I decided to go for a walk. had a talk with few moms who couldn’t join that time. when i came back Jagjit Singh helped me cook. 

When she called from Airport I was releaved that she was home safe. Anand and I drove to her home and dropped the food at the door. no hugs, no hello and no sweets from India, this situation has changed our social norm. Came home to find other two men in the kitchen. 3 of us made so many different things, all 4 Pandey had different menu for tonight.

The Menu was - Chhole Roti ( Anand) Ajey had some paneer curry ( found a tiny pack of home made paneer in freezer on friday) Ashish Rice/dal and Karela, I had chole-dal and rice.

by this evening we know schools are closed longer than anticipated with many more restrictions. I hope we find reason to be OK in this chaos. Lets keep chatting, talking and checking on each other.

Facebook, what's app, phone and video calls took all my time, no TV watching and no cleaning today, book shelves are emptied out on the table in the basement. Tomorrow is the day .. 

The family time. While walking I came across this family teaching kids to bike. a Mom and I were having the same conversation, thats what she was doing at the same time. A warm day.. 

 Quick fix lunch. 

and the meal. does it say welcome home? Rice, Roti, Dal palak and Cauliflower and peas curry , nothing fancy.

Such a weird feeling, leaving food at her door step. I didnt even ring the bell knowing she must have fallen asleep by then. 

                                                 Karela made by Chef Ashish 

Anand had to eat his mom's chhole, I made after years. My friend Divya has been designated chhole auntie for Anand.

Social distancing - Day -1 & 2

Day one of the staycation started as an unusual Friday. It was a working day but no-one was rushing, Usually Ashish leaves before 6 and ajey around 6.45, Anand had half day but we decided he should stay home too.  Its my WFH day so I get to sleep little more than usual. Morning was kind of very lazy. Ashish offered to make breakfast and I thought it was a good start.

The day progressed and we all found a rhythm. It was first time 3 of us working at home together so we all found our places and moved on with the day. 

I asked boys to help me clean both the refrigerators and in the course of the day we took every things out, cleaned and washed and then took inventory and put it back. the last shelf went in around 10 PM.

But during the day many small things happened. friends stopped by to drop groceries, we had joked, laughed in the parking lot, I could go for a long walk with Ashish and had two ideas. How to help people who are selflessly working while we all are staying in our safe environment and checking on friends during this social distancing . It feels nice to be home with people we love but I know soon the stress of everything going around will impact us in a way we couldn’t think of. Kids staying home, missing their routine, social circle, too many negative news and uncertainty It will create chaos in our life. I think we all will miss our social norm and routine. I might be wrong about it ( so wish so) but thinking of making a “checking on you” phone call chains just in case. 

Right now I am confused, worried, anxious but looking forward to some quiet family time, reading, lot of movies, wine and cleaner house. I hope to write everyday and keep a log. stay tuned for more stories and pictures.

My first born "working" such a wonderful feeling to have him around.

screen shot of facebook status 

Friday after work I decided to clean both the refrigerators. with boys doing the dirty job of taking stuff out, it was easy and yes, the cleaning was kind of therapeutic. I made an inventory of stuff we had in freezer and I am ready to feed an army now. I think if nothing else come out of this forced situation Pandey boys will at least have good meals. 

Saag, Millet roti, Palak dal and Salad and freshly squeezed orange juice 

  Life is like that - finding that perfect piece to fit in. Lego and lazy afternoon.

Day two- Anand’s session in Newton with Dr Aspel went well. There is  his office I got to learn what was going on in Anand’s mind about corona, My son was thinking about movie premier postponed, people falling sick, business closed, uncertainty over everything. I wish I could explain 100 things to him, that it will be OK. came home and ate Dosa and Fish curry for lunch, I watched two episodes for 4 weddings and a funeral. Ashish couldn’t stand that show, so now we both are on two different TVs on two different floors. So much for my “spending time with husband romance” 

Boys ate Bertuchhi’s Pizza and we ate whatever left over was.  I cleaned my backup pantry in basement. 

We are in this together.-

03/13 Friday posted on 03/14

All of sudden the week turned into something else we couldn’t imagine two weeks ago.

By Wednesday last week we knew its not what we thought or imagined. I understand that precaution is very important but at the same we need to know that fear and speculation without facts are our biggest enemy in this time.

By Thursday the news of school closing was all over the place. kids came back home on Thursday not sure when would they go back.I am not writing something new,  It’s kind of chaos and we all are aware of it. The state of helplessness at its peak.

I work from home two days but by Wednesday company said WFH if not necessary to come to office. so I was home all week but Friday was first day when all 4 of us were home. 3 of us working and Anand enjoying his sudden vacation day. 

it has never happened before, 3 of us working people in the house in 3 different places working. but looks like it will be a new norm in Pandey household. we all have to figure out a way to be together 24-7 and not kill each other :)

I will keep writing about my experience with this new unknown territory. 

 we did some grocery shopping early in the week, little more than we usually do, bought little more fruits and veggies but decided against stocking everything. Indian household will always have lentils and rice and flour so we should be able to manage for couple fo weeks I guess. please know you can call us if you are not feeling well or bored with your food and want to try some simple indian food. 

first day and it daunt on me that it’s time to work on my “todo” list so I tackled one thing from that. When I don’t want to do anything, I cook so we have plenty of food from Thursday.  Thinking of everyone who has older parents, sick people, medically complex kid or parents, kids with more need, and someone who cannot work from home, health care profession who risk themselves everyday going to work.

Please know we all need to be kinder and better what we usually are. we will need each other and are in this together.

Just because I am thinking of "when this all will be over"

The linen closet, one from "todo" list everyday

work from home package when you get the Tea delivered by the son.

  and in return you cook what he loves. Fish curry with asparagus, Cucumber, avocado and moong salad

Good Bye my Buddy - you will be missed.

PS. Wrote on  Feb 7th -  Just couldn't post, Today I decided It was time. 

drove all over -Ashland, Watertown, Cambridge.Thank you everyone in AANE's MNO and then A and S for being with me. The Panjabi Dhaba's late dinner with you guys was a treat for soul, 

Pulling over my driveway my sister’s text flashed - All OK, She missed my call and was checking back on me,

I am sure when they see my text and call pass their tea time in India, they calculate the time right away. and she was right, it was little too late for us. 

Same with my mother, when I left Boston at 11.30, I called her and first thing she asked if I was OK, Its wasn’t the first time I was driving back home this late, or calling her on my way home. But tonight i so needed the comfort of  her voice . My evening was everything but OK.

You meet some people in life in strange way, K was one of them. When I was let go, for unemployment reimbursement purpose I had to be part of some Network group. I resisted for weeks but finally I did go, That was one day they had a speaker who talked about importance of a buddy group. I , during my introduction, the only brown woman in the crowd, mentioned that I would like to start one that day. That day I met 3 wonderful men whom I call my “buddies”. After that day we really became buddies, met often, supported and encouraged each other.  We all were from different background and industries. They never had any Indian woman in their circle. All 3 of them brought such joy in that difficult “unemployed” days. Soon I was back to work and couldn’t keep up with their regular meetings, things got busy. But we still had that “group text” alive, we would once a while check on each other

In Aug of 2019, K texted in the group that he finished second round of chemo and we all cheered on him. we all agreed to find a date for dinner soon and life got in the way again. Little we knew that today I will be typing this. Few days ago we got the email that K lost his battle with cancer. All I could think of last text from him. I was always the organizer of our meets and this one time I missed it.  So wish I could have just deleted everything from my crazy calendar and planned a dinner.

Today when I drove to funeral home, I couldn’t stop thinking how we miss on small things only to know how big they could be. There were so many people in the room, again I was the only brown woman there.The line was mile long proving how wonderful person he was. I am sure every one there had a K story. I will always remember how special he made me feel every time we met. I met his wife, M and drove to Watertown for AANE ( The Asperger/Autism Network) Mom’s night out. My heart was so heavy I could cry while driving. I was regretting not checking on K for last few months. the MNO brings another emotion to the surface.I got to meet some new and some familiar moms. It was a very small crowd than before so we really got to know each other better. I could encourage two of Indian moms from my circle to join this MNO. I am so glad I did, they did get to see something different than our usual crowd. and then 3 of us did something out of ordinary. I offered to take them to Boston. they left their car and hopped in my car and 3 of us went to Cambridge to hangout. It was so comforting and much needed. We ate, drank, joked and laughed, shared our concern about our kids but at the same time we took some time out for ourselves. 

I think thats what I needed, something different to heal my soul.

Today I missed not reaching out to K, but that made me think how important it is to keep people closer.

Hold on to people you care, make that one phone call you are planning for day, tell people you love them, care for them and sometimes just forget who you are and just live that moment. and if nothing makes sense, just go to Cambridge and eat Cauliflower paratha at 11 PM, It will defiantly heal your soul in a way. and yes, make sure to call mom to say you love her.  

so defines what he really was.. we will miss you..Kevin

Just because she makes everything alright.. Just with her smile and a hug . Today pick up the phone and call someone to say you love them. 

and this pic is just a reminder how lucky I am to have this man in my life

The day in picture - Vision of community VOC 2020

10 hours on a cold saturday, I spent with people who are wonderful and amazing. 

Its been few years I have been going to  Federation’s Vision of Community conference.

Over the year made some great friends who are doing amazing work in the special education world. It’s great to see them and meet some new faces.

This year wasn’t any different.

Came back home charged.

The excitement, learnings and emotions are not ready to turn into words yet, so pictures will speak this time.

The people who so want to change the way things work in Government. They all want to hear from us so the government can reach out to families. 

Russell Johnston, Senior Associate Commissioner and State Director of Special Education, a very tall man. taking selfie with him was fun.

Toni Wolf  Commissioner of Massachusetts Rehabilitation Commission (MRC)

Yusufi Vali - director of the Mayor's Office for Immigrant Advancement (MOIA

Marylou Sudders serves as the Secretary of Health and Human Services for the Commonwealth of MA- she was awarded the "impact Award"

Pam Nourse, executive director -Federation for Children with Special Needs 

Patrick Kennedy addressing the crowd filling his wife's spot :) she was the keynote speaker, couldn't make it..

My gang of Desi moms. 

  When the moms get the recognition for the work they do.. Not only for their children but for the whole community.

  and the amazing speaker who decided to be the voice for many more 

Oanh - who taught me so many things in Life.. Including giving back to community  and she is my selfie queen

Janet and Zack - Brought whole different dimension and meaning to my "activism"

These two amazing teachers gave me chance to come and speak to their students, 

Zack brings another aspect - a sibling's view, His brother inspired him in many ways.

Thanksgiving - a new meaning

Written on 11/28 evening and 11/29

As I await for our guests, two wonderful families, listening to Ustad Rashid Khan singing Poore se Zara sa kam hain.. On my favorites play list I couldn’t be more thankful than ever.

Today for a change, my dinner is ready, food is in the oven and my saree is ironed. 

I am thankful for small blessings. Anand helped me in setting the table, did the dishwasher and is reading in his room happy. Ajey is on his way from airport after dropping a dear friend and Ashish is enjoying his quiet time with fire and Netflix in the basement. I know he will be a wonderful host after this break. I am thankful to those ladies who offered to bring something from their kitchen and I am thankful to have that wisdom to accept the help. I did cook the way I do and the table will be over flowing and we will have lots of leftovers but the feeling that there is help was enough to keep me going. I am happy that I listened to my body and took a nap.

We somehow don’t have a tradition for thanksgiving, when we were settling here in Franklin, the shopping was biggest thing for thanksgiving. For years we had no set plan. We did go to some friends some years, hosted couple of time but nothing as tradition. It was just a get together with Indian friends over Indian dinner. We were building our circle of friends. Then I met one of our distant relatives and for few years we were their guest on TG. It was something new we experienced, a traditional TG with Turkey and all the fan fare. After a few years they had their own families to celebrate with so one year we were just not invited. Our dear friends had build their traditions during that time.  That year was a really tough year for me, all of sudden we had nothing for TG. But today I am grateful for that experience as I learnt a very important lesson of “what not to do” with people who love you. Some people walk into your life to teach you something, thankful for that lesson.

Since then it has been a very flexible thanksgiving. Our friends with whom we had celebrated couple of TG are away this time and I decided it was my time to start a new tradition and I thought of families who are like us in many ways. Away from home and trying to build their village. Who don’t have a tradition of TG, who are settling in new place or just building their village.

It just started a few days ago when the idea of inviting families from my village struck me.I wasn’t sure how would it go and if I can manage. Finally I decided I should start small and having just a couple of families sounded wonderful. Phone calls were made and here we were to off to a new start. The morning was just a reminder of the excitement. One of the moms texted me how excited one of her son was -"The grandparents were informed about vegetarian thanksgiving".

I had to stop my thought process as the alarm reminded me to boil the rice and get ready as the guests were on the way. 

 As I got ready our first family walked in with a beautiful daughter and even better, the Saree clad Mom in a beautiful baloocheri. Soon the other family came with both their boys. 

The dining table was another fun. It was such a mix of South Indian, Maharastrian and Jaya cooking. We had more dishes than the number of people. Everyone had something from their fav list. Kids were well fed and parents were happy. While we were having dinner another mom walked in. Being a Doc she had no TG off but was so happy that finally she could make it. Such small incidents make life bigger and better.

The dads had their time, kids got busy, the daughter got settled in Anand’s room with keyboard and Anand was OK with it. For us it was another big deal. Anand on his iPad and T on the keyboard. They both were busy in their own worlds and being OK with having each other around.

The other boys found things to do on their own and my first born adult was kind of every where.

I could see how Moms and dads found their rhythm in this small home. It was amazing to see them sitting, chatting, enjoying a drink and just simply laughing and smiling. 3 dads, 4 moms, 5 kids.. our home saw love, joy, happiness, gratitude and support - everything that night.

I am grateful that we could enjoy the evening, the kids ate and enjoyed the meal and all of us overall had a great time.

I am thankful that boys are old enough to clean the kitchen the day after and even more so to have a fridge full of left overs .. the lemon rice, the sambhar, roti and eggplant are the reminder of how wonderful the “ breaking the bread together” concept is.

We wish you all have something to be thankful of, life is not easy but easier if you have your people in it. Be happy, pay it forward and build your village.

The table really sums it up -Sambhar and Lemon Rice from S, Roti and eggplant from A, I made chicken curry ( was on the stove, away from vegetarian table), Chana dal, Spinach and corn, Cauliflower - peas, Achari Potatoes, Shahi Paneer, white rice, Salad and Papad. Pie was a TG gift from My American mom Marge.

 Best Black Friday Deal - Ajey dealing the Dishwasher shopping, he went beforehand to research, picked one and finally off we went to buy. It was amazing to see the man going through the process and handling well while Dad could rest and relax at home.

A trip to sunny California.. a happy soul, mind and body..

Traveling is supposed to make you wiser, smarter and open your world to new possibilities. You learn and experience new things. Sometimes it nurtures your soul in a way nothing else can.
Last week a crazy idea took me to San Diego. When you get to meet artists and their spouses they bring the world closer to you in a whole different way. I had met them a couple of times for short periods of time, just knew them a little bit but somehow we connected. We talked about meeting many a times but it never materialized into a plan but a conversation one day just led to me booking my tickets impulsively to spend time with them across the continent.
It was a beautiful Saturday and I landed in the morning. It is so not me going someplace so unprepared but this time it wasn’t a “trip” it was to spend time with two wonderful people. A walk in a humongous farmer’s market was a fabulous start to my not so planned vacation.  A short stay at home and 3 of us crazy people just drove to Mexico, not only to the border town but 60 miles further inland. One of the most beautiful drives. The weather, coastal breeze and fantastic food. I cannot never thank the host family for this awesome treat. My highlight of the trip –a tie–  visits to so many beaches or the long drives with ghazals playing in the car..
Those few hours were the proof that you don’t need to know people for a lifetime, just a simple connection is enough to bring someone closer.
Next 3 days were just the extension of this snap shot, endless cups of tea, beach hoping, drives, food, glorious sunsets and more – you can imagine my favorite liquid in small cups with lemon and salt. I couldn’t make it to any of the west coast sunrises though.
A drive to meet one girl whom I have loved since she was one. Now she is a grown woman, working on the west coast. Sitting in that café on Laguna beach, I was in awe of her. She was talking to my friends and I was just marveling how wonderful it felt to see her away from her home, mom and comfort of known. But she was shining and rocking. That one sunset, the beautiful beach, the jump in the water in the dark, everything is secondary to the warm and tight hug I got from her that night.
I was very lucky to have hosts who were so different from each other in many ways. Together they fulfilled every item on my wish list of things to do and experience on this trip. One of them took me to so many beaches and food joints, with the other I could listen to many ghazals and talked about poetry and everything which comes with this craziness. Those ghazals just refuse to go out of my mind for now. 

ग़ज़ल सुना के कभी नज़्म गुनगुना के मिरी

वो कह रहा था मिरे दिल का माजरा मुझ से

Somewhere in Mexico - we just drove and not worry about destination. This is me after long flight.. 

SO it begins.. a beautiful sunrise in Boston.. right before take off.

 A darling, who was "one" just yesterday, Like I was roaming around Singapore pushing her in stoller with her mom just yesterday and today she is a beautiful young woman working in California.. 

and my awesome hosts.. when i started my journey I had no idea.. these two people will make such a difference in my life.

Barbarossa park San diego..

Water does something to me.. a carefree me standing there, letting the wave come to say hi.

A pic taken by Amrit.. just random bird, a beautiful shot.

 

A beautiful sunset in Mexico .. Tijuanan

The drive to unknown.. Imagine Khan Sahab's voice in the background, this view and just 3 happy passengers in the car. Life is good.

then I came back home, a night hug and the words- "So happy to have you back mom, I missed you so much" and that made it full circle.