What are you looking for in your future daughter-in-law or Son in law?

 My firstborn is ready to change the direction of his life. I would have suggested otherwise—to travel, enjoy life, and have fun. Mr. Husband had a 2-year-old in tow when he was this age, so I guess our son is following in his dad's footsteps.

Mr. Husband and I were fortunate that it was an easy decision for us. Long-time friends decided to get married without worrying about horoscope matching, sifting through tons of pictures and biodata, or clicking/swiping right on dating apps. But it hasn't been the same for our son.

He thinks his parents need to intervene in this process. At his request, we are starting to look for a bride, and it has been tough. The first thing we asked was, "What do you want in your partner?" He has been very clear: he wants a partner, someone who challenges him, encourages him, and keeps him grounded.

Now that I think about it, no one writes these qualities in their resume, so it's hard to figure out whom to contact and how to proceed. I don't know how parents have dealt with this all along. Finding a match for your son or daughter is more difficult than choosing someone for yourself. I so wish he had found someone on his own. I wish I had given him instructions during college to find someone then; instead of just studying, making the world a better place with his social activism otherwise. Who knew it gets tougher when you are out of college and doing other thinsg..

A question for moms of daughters: What are you looking for in your son-in-law?

I’m sure I’m not the only one with this dilemma. Many of you must have gone through this. What did you do? Wish me luck, and meanwhile, if you know someone looking for a son-in-law, let me know.

A sambalpuri Ikat silk for a musical evening out.

Embracing Hope Amidst Life's Contrasts

 A family in Desi Moms Network is expecting a baby, and I was invited to their intimate baby shower. The grandparents are still awaiting their visas, so the family is managing on their own. A cousin drove a few hundred miles to help with the ceremony, which turned out to be a small gathering. It made me think about how we often have to set aside our apprehensions and hope for the best.

Their 9-year-old daughter wasn’t having the best time. I can imagine how overwhelming it must have been for her, having so many people at home and not understanding why her evening routine was disrupted. Eventually, her dad took her for a car ride to help calm her down. While we ladies continued with the ceremony and enjoyed the meal, I couldn’t stop thinking about how different life is for some families.

 

Somewhere else, another 9-year-old sister might be excitedly talking about her newborn sibling, picking out names, decorating the nursery with her parents, and planning how to welcome the baby. It is a harsh reality of our lives how Autism takes away some simple joys.

In the Desi Moms Network, I know a few families who decided to have another child, and I’ve seen the joy these new additions bring. I believe everyone deserves a chance to experience the joys of parenting without the added stress, if that’s even possible.

With the dad out, the mom had to manage many things on her own, even though friends were there to help. I wish the family well and hope they find the time to enjoy these precious moments. I pray the delivery goes smoothly and that they find the right support for both the baby and their older daughter. With school starting soon, I hope their firstborn will find some comfort in the familiar routine.

A simple Tussar saree for the evening. Such a perfect way to end my weekend. 

Desi Moms Network is a group of  Indian mom with children with special needs located in MA.

The Color and Sign of Grief and support

 The past week has been incredibly tough. A family from the Desi Moms Network lost their only child in an accident. My heart goes out to the parents, and I’ve been reflecting on the challenges of raising a child with special needs.

Last month, in a completely different scenario from my non Indian village, a mom I’ve known for a few years passed away unexpectedly, leaving behind her two special needs children. These two deaths have shaken me to the core. They highlight the unique difficulties that special needs families face—the loneliness, the uncertainty, and the physical or emotional distance from extended family.

How do you support them after a tragedy? What can you do? I have a list of requests I could make to friends for help, and I’m fortunate to have a supportive village beside me. But how many of these families are dealing with everything alone?

I was amazed at the number of people who came to pay their respects on a working Friday morning. They were there to support the parents in any way they could. The same happened for the other family. The mom is gone, but friends stepped up to take care of the children, the household, and the finances.

But is this enough? Why do we rush to support someone only after a tragedy occurs? Why not extend a helping hand before something drastic happens?

Are you one of those friends who wants to help but doesn’t know how? Have you ever asked beyond, “How can I help?”

The memorial service announcement requested a touch of blue. Autism Awareness pins were distributed. I hope attendees take it seriously and find a way to support the families around them.

Gratitude and Service: Travel - What We Miss When We Return Home

 Travel makes us wiser and smarter in many ways. It opens up the world, and in many cases, might even make us long for home. How many of us miss our own bed and a simple home-cooked meal after a great vacation?

It can work the other way around, too. As I reflect on my trip, I miss the people who made it memorable. I miss having the room ready, an ice-filled bucket, a clean bathroom, and neatly folded towels. I miss the amazing meals and attentive service. I miss someone taking care of the dishes.

Specifically, I miss the room stewards Abdul and Dary, the food manager Moez, and the servers in the main dining room, Tony and Tufael (who sang the one Hindi song they knew, tried to speak a bit of Hindi, and even learned some).

I always thought the service in Indian resorts and hotels was the best, thanks to less expensive labor. But then I went to an all-inclusive resort in Cancun, Mexico, and discovered that service could reach a whole new level. On this cruise, I encountered staff who were consistently smiling and kind to everyone they met. The crew works almost eight months non-stop, without weekends or federal holidays off. The cruise ship charges a gratuity per person per day, so the staff isn’t dependent on our tips.

I was genuinely grateful for their respect and care. I made sure they knew they were valued and appreciated, not only by leaving a tip but also by informing guest services and sending a note to the cruise line.

But a question arises: Is it about how they treat you, or how you treat them? What do you think? Do you believe they are getting paid to be courteous, or do they expect more in return? I observed a lot during that one-week voyage and could write a whole post about it. how each passenger has their own perspective on "service" and whether they see it as a right or a privilege. Perhaps another day.

Amma's Saree for the last night. She travelled me with everywhere. I just miss not being able to tell her all the stories and the video calls. 

I told them on day 2 not to waste their time on doing towel art or making flowers with toilet roll.

 The food manager knew how much I loved my view seating, He couldn't get us for dinner ( a big group of 18 people) but made sure I get that for breakfasts.

Our server Tony made this dress for me. 

 Moez and his assistant dealt with our demands so nicely, a hug group, 5 kids, 7 ladies and 6 men. Some vegetarian, some will have meals without onion garlic, some would love meat , some would want only Indian and some would want something new :) 

The last night I was coming out after the dinner and Moez asked me if I would want to say hello to the crew.  He introduced me to them as the best dressed woman on the ship - I tell you - Saree simply is magical. 

The photographer Bonnie, took pics non stop with a smile and lot of patient.

Is Alaska Cruise is a right choice for you?

Mr. Husband has been thinking about a trip to Alaska for some time. I am usually the planner in the Pandey household, and Alaska wasn’t on my list for the near future. However, a phone call from his long-time friend sealed the deal. This opportunity seemed as good as it could get, so I happily agreed, even though it was their family vacation. Knowing him, I was confident he would find time and balance to be with everyone.

We had 18 people flying in from various places. It was interesting to see how flight delays and cancellations impacted our plans, lodging, car rentals, moods, and the daily functioning of the group. At least we all managed to arrive a day before the cruise, so that worked out. The ship wasn’t huge, but it was big enough to be enjoyable. Cell phones didn’t work, so we all quickly adapted to using the app within the next 24 hours. Over the next seven days, we enjoyed each other’s company, food, ports, shopping, hanging out, taking pictures (or should I say too many pictures), sitting on the deck, playing games, having conversations, and drinking endless tea and other adult drinks. Some of us had met before, while others were new acquaintances, but by the end of the cruise, we were all happy to be part of each other’s lives.

The food manager, servers, and cabin crew made the trip wonderful. I was sad to leave them on the last day, as they always did their jobs with big smiles.

Regarding the dream trip, we visited three ports: Juneau (the capital), Skagway (with a population of around 1,000), and Ketchikan (the Salmon Capital of the World, with a population of 8,200). We explored the town centers, took some typical tourist tours, but didn’t get to see the real Alaska. The town centers were filled with jewelry and souvenir shops catering specifically to cruise passengers. We spent much more time on the ship than on land. The three towns seemed designed to please tourists, and we didn’t experience much of the local culture. Most of the people we interacted with were summer employees.

The best part of the trip was the company and the fun. We all ate, drank, danced, chatted, relaxed, and generally had a great time. With someone else taking care of cooking and cleaning—something that rarely happens—it was a big success in that regard. For Mr. Husband’s dream of experiencing the true Alaska, we will need to make another plan. 

A georgette Banarsi for Glacier Bay sailing. I brought this saree for the formal dinner but ladies decided to wear saree for the photoshoot having Glaciers in the background. 

What a fun group

What Makes it Special: Place? People? Food? Culture? Alaskan Cruise Saga

 Years ago, the movie Insomnia made Alaska an intriguing destination for Mr. Husband. Years later, he expressed the wish to visit the place; it became his dream destination. On the other hand, I didn’t want anything to do with that cold, faraway place.

In January of this year, a call came from a friend in the UK—an invitation to join them and his siblings on an Alaskan excursion, a cruise. I loved the idea: the company of over a dozen people and Mr. Husband’s dream destination. I had never been on a cruise and was not very sure if I wanted to do this with just the boys, so this was an ideal situation.

A WhatsApp group was formed, calls were made, and after a couple of group Zoom calls, cruise and flight tickets were booked. Then Amma left the world. I rushed to India, and when I got back, my vacation plans for Switzerland and Alaska didn’t matter much. I was merely a passive participant. It was really hard, as she would have been more excited about these trips.

Finally, July rolled around, and things started taking shape. There were a lot of things to worry about. Ajey, our firstborn, moved to Vermont for work (250 miles from home, meaning Anand didn’t have the luxury of having his brother home for the weekend), and the washing machine broke. But thanks to my village, things started falling into place. Todo lists, In case of emergency lists were made, friends were informed and on a very early morning, the Pandeys left for the airport to go to Vancouver. My first stop was meeting my cousin after years in Vancouver before the rest of the group (16 of them) arrived.

My first saree on the cruise was a Chanderi, worn on our dressy night. There were many Indian families on board, but there was only one woman in a saree. I sure enjoyed being one of a kind.

My cousin's home. This stay will remain with me forever, She was very young when I moved out of India. I dont remember her as a person. Seeing her as a mom, wife, daughter in law and a caretaker was amazing in its own way. My baby cousin is a grown woman. We both made promise to do better and meet often. 

Whistler Blackcomb mountain

Night -2 on the cruise -Dressy night, Mr Husband agreed to dress up and posed for a pic that was a big deal