Time to bring some change? is this the time?

Day 26 Tuesday 4/7

It was a usual morning, started with some msgs, texts and usual work stuff. It was meant to be a beautiful sunny day but as morning progressed something hit me. It was just one of those mornings when frustration and disappointment took over. I was thinking I am writing everyday but is this really me? Am I being honest or am I putting on a brave face. Deep inside I am frustrated and disappointed with so many things and people. I just couldn’t get over this fact. Did the usual morning calls with family and tried to move on with my day. Hoping it would help in someway but no it did not. The feeling kept coming back. What is it? Why don’t things make sense, why someone cannot see things the way I see, why “whatever I have” doesn’t make me happy. What has changed? 

A big call from management was very positive this morning and listening to what keeps them going was really inspirational. They both talked of the bigger picture and the hope for a better world. And that’s when I realized we all think family, kids and love is enough but sometimes I think we have to see beyond us to really find a purpose in our life. A friend’s son, a kid who grew up with Ajey, started working as a first responder this week. I am so proud of him, what is driving him to go out and put himself in danger and do what he always wanted to do. 

Is this the time to find that purpose? Not to chase things which are not meaningful? Let go of things which are not meant for you or find what makes you happy, not drains you. Should you let those dreams slide which keep you awake at night?

Today I decided to listen to some podcasts , Jagjit Singh wasn’t helping. Read  something really interesting in a column of a newspaper that explained the dynamics of  relationship of being under one roof in this condition.“ You are never prepared to be in this situation. I think this is the time to pay attention to whatever is around you, who is there for you in your time of need and acknowledge and feel grateful and also pay attention to what you have been chasing so far. Is it really worth it? I think we all need a different perspective in life in these unprecedented times . I wish that we all find that drive in our lives to keep us going. Someone said “tough times don’t last, but tough people do.” Let us hope we come out stronger and wiser. But for now I am not sure if I can keep writing. This might be my last post or might be  a new beginning.. who knows. The sun tomorrow might bring some sunshine, till then stay happy, stay healthy and keep walking. 

इतने हिस्सों में बट गया हूँ मैं

मेरे हिस्से में कुछ बचा ही नहीं

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures. Sun was still out but I was ready for my fire, food and drink. I love boys for not asking question and doing what the queen demands.

 glimpses of my walk. the sign of spring.

and the pink moon of 2020. It wasn't my usual walk time but needed some quiet time with moon :) a beautiful walk was much needed after that dinner with fire .