Keep it real- April 2nd post -Vacation Saga -

Edit - I sat on this draft for two days thinking whether I should post it. Today on April 2 nd, I decided I should be real and honest, instead of making a big post about Autism Awareness day I should talk how disappointment sneaks into our life sometimes.

My day one of vacation was supposed to be fun. I love water and was so excited to be in Florida. After checking in, went out for a quick lunch at a water front place. The early morning flight, travel, food and wine forced me to take an afternoon nap. I woke up refreshed and ready to hit the beach for the sunset dinner.

The famous Clearwater Beach is a 3 minutes walk from the place we are staying in. Everyone was happy and having fun. The Pier 60 is a place to be for sunset views and there are many play areas for kids too. The sunset is an event in itself. I think the Sunrise is really quick but sunset is really slow and lasts longer.

As soon as I reached the pier I saw so many young kids playing, lots of families walking by and something hit me hard. It’s been so long since we have had a family vacation like this. We sat at an outdoor bar and people walked by, holding hands, laughing, giggling and joking. Young parents with babies, parents with grownup kids too and some how it made me very sad. I tried to divert my mind but the feeling just didn’t go away. I walked along the beach and saw a family photoshoot, a photographer trying to take some pictures of a baby, siblings playing around on the sand, some in the water, splashing on each other. I just couldn’t stop thinking about Ajey and Anand. We have taken the boys many places but somehow I all I could think of were all the hard times, meltdowns and now just the inability to go anywhere as a family. 

Also everything I did wrong with my boys. I keep reminding other moms that they shouldn’t get into “what did I do wrong or I should have done something better” mode but here I was, getting sucked into the same vicious cycle.

Usually I stop to take pictures of people, for people, offer then to take family pictures . But yesterday was just not the right day for any of these. I walked on sand, watching the sunset with Ashish, ate some icecream and kept telling myself, I should enjoy my time, enjoy what I have and let go of what is not meant to be.

Us - Our family call - When we get to see Anand 

My blue for April 2nd, Somehow I couldn't make myself wear a saree this year- somewhere in Tampa there was a parade against Child Abuse and I happen to pass by. I had to stop and take the pics. and Yes they gave me that T shirt