Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Meeting nightmare

We all, as a parent, wonder if we are doing the right thing.
We falter; stumble upon and many a times struggle if we are on the correct path. We do what is best for our kids, but we always question too if at all we are doing what we can to our maximum capacity? Can we do more?
We always meet parents who are doing lot more than us or sometimes we feel lot better ourselves compare to others. But we all know there is no right or wrong when it comes to parenting. It is custom made and for Special Parents it is doubly custom made. What is right today could completely go wrong tomorrow. And you question your own decisions and thoughts and rituals and feelings.
I am in that roller coaster ride these days.  Anand is almost 14 and it is a special number in Special Need world in Massachusetts. The transition services kick in. Basically you are planning a future for your child officially.
Now here I am visiting 100s of sites, meeting everyone I can, ask questions and read as much I can. Meanwhile job, cooking, laundry, home and social need of life still awaits you. You try to do everything and realize you are not doing it at all.
Its been going on for days and I wonder if at all I did the right thing for his special education all these years. Did I not research enough, did I not think it through, I could have taken him for  more therapies he needed, could have done more to see if he needed more help. I should have spent more time with him. I trusted his teachers for doing the right thing, let the school district find the best solution. For me they are the ones who know everything not me. I always felt they guided us in a right direction. He loves them and happy in school for the most part.
Then you meet other parents, listen to stories about fights for services and question your own decision.
We meet  for Anand’s transition meeting in couple of days and this time I am not going  the the way I used to go. I want to read more, learn more know more but this is making me so unhappy so uncomfortable. I feel sad and wrong that I am questioning what will happen tomorrow. And for me it is so heartbreaking. But looks like this is called parenting and for me it is the state of being indecisive.
But for now I will hold on to one - here is my inspiration and will keep me going ..
( Anand with his Science Project on Science Fair day in school)