Welcome Remark - DDS Family Support Conference Sept 29th, 2022 Boston
Early on last month I got an email for an “ask”, from the director of family support in DDS. DDS- Department of Developmental Services is the biggest agency supporting families. When she took over the position we had a conversation regarding Desi Moms network as her predecessor was supporting our group. It was the beginning of Covid time and Zoom calls were just becoming the new norm.
As I don’t work for or understand much about these agencies and the non profit world I had no idea of the scope of her job or the hierarchy. Her calm and willingness to help and support was more empowering than her post.
So when she asked me to be part of a panel discussion for the upcoming in person Family Support Conference -“Making a Cultural Commitment : Bridging the Cultural and Linguistic Gaps”, I wholeheartedly agreed. And then in the next call she asked if I could do the Welcome remark, on top of that in Hindi, I loved the idea. Such out of the box thinking.
Last Sunday I finally decided what I wanted to say in my welcome remark. My motherhood journey is all about gratitude, the speech had to be about the same but had to include some learning opportunities for the audience too.
The Conference was a big success and I will come back to what I learned in another post. I was honored be on the stage to welcome everyone in Hindi. People paid attention to what I was saying, I am sure not a single person understood my words but they could read the English translation on screen. My first born was in audience, that was enough for me.
I was part of a panel discussion too and will write about that in another post.
Below is the transcript in Hindi and English.
Please be kind and show empathy. That’s all we need to change the world!
The woman - the ask - She changed so many things yesterday. Asking for something unusual but showing that she really means what she says - Listening to family, meeting them where they are .. So Hindi came on podium as a welcoming language.
Hello and Namste,
My name is Jaya Pandey and I am a mom and a community builder. I grew up in India and Hindi is my mother tongue.I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world but to stand here in front of you and truly appreciate everything you do.
Thank you all for being here and I am grateful for this opportunity to tell you in person how important you are for many families like mine.
I live in Franklin with my husband Ashish and two wonderful sons, Ajey and Anand , who are 25 and 22. I got married young and moved out of India for my husband’s career. Left everything known, home, family, friends, job for a better future and American dream. A doting husband and two adorable children, a new home I had everything one could dream of.
Our journey in this world of disabilities started around 18 years ago when Anand’s Preschool teacher noticed difficulty in interacting with peers and comprehension in general. The search for the right resources, support, providers, services began since then and continues till today.
I remember frustration, anger, denial and helplessness. I remember sleepless nights. I remember worries but at the same time I am grateful for support, care and help. Many people who held my hand when I needed and were there to wipe my tears. People whom I never knew before, but they were walking the same path with their child. They didn’t speak my language, didn’t look like me but my struggles were exactly the same as theirs. And I realized the families with special need child has only one culture or religion - the well being of their Child.
Over the years I witnessed the goodness in the world around me. They came in the form of teachers, friends, neighbors and then service providers. From OT person to nurse to school psychologist to speech pathologist to area coordinator to the case workers, the therapist or the doctors and their office staff. Everyone supported our family in this journey and I couldn’t be more grateful to many of them.
We appreciate all the support. But especially those amongst us who walk into our doors with openness and cultural curiosity. The cultural background of South Asians ARE different. We don’t need our support to be culturally competent. Just culturally curious and open. When asked with the curiosity of how you can help, you might be surprised with the response you hear. Our aspirations and goals are exactly the same. Ingredients are the same for life outcomes, but the recipe is unique. Ask us for the recipe. It might be a good surprise!
Culture defines people in so many ways. Please remember that if they cover their head, doesn’t mean they are orthodox. Don’t wear designer clothes doesn’t mean they are not stylish. Eat with fingers- doesn’t mean they are unsophisticated. Talk in broken English or with accent doesn’t mean they are uneducated. Don’t wear shoes at home doesn’t mean they are backward. Don’t eat meat doesn’t mean they are poor. Ask you many personal questions doesn’t mean they are nosy, they are trying to find connection. They offer you food, tea or coffee because that is important for them, have seen their parents do the same
These families may have different lifestyle, food, behavior, language, clothes or customs and ritual but in the end all they want is a better life for their children. In a way every parent in this world is the same - their children are everything for them.
I totally understand how difficult your work is, believe me we all do. You are too many things for families, you are the vision, you are the hope and you are the guiding star in dark phases of life. I am sure we all will learn much from each other and inspire one another too.
Today I stand here to pay my sincere gratitude. You all are continuing to make a difference for our families and children and as a mother I am in debt.
कृतज्ञ हूँ मैं
जैसे आसमान की कृतज्ञ है पृथ्वी
जैसे पृथ्वी का कृतज्ञ है किसान
जैसे सागर का कृतज्ञ है बादल
जैसे नए जीवन के लिए
बादल का आभारी है नन्हा बिरवा
कृतज्ञ हूँ मैं
मैं जया पांडे आपका आज की conference में स्वागत करती हूँ,
मेरा सौभाग्य है कि आज मुझे आपका अभिनंदन करने का मौक़ा मिला है
मैं अपने पति ( आशीष) और २२ और २५ साल के दो बेटों (Ajey और आनंद) के साथ Franklin में रहती हूँ , India में पली बढ़ी हूँ और हिंदी बोलती हूँ
शादी के बाद पति के career के लिए घर परिवार मित्र और नौकरी छोड़ी, एक अच्छे भविष्य के लिए, Amrican dreams के लिए सात समुंदर पार आ गए,
वो मेरे जीवन के बहुत ही स्मरणीय दिन थे, फिर जैसे एक नया सफ़र शुरू हुआ
१८-१९ साल पहले पहली बार आनंद की preschool टीचर ने कहा की हमको कहीं उसका evaluation करना चाहिए
ये मेरी ज़िंदगी की एक महत्वपूर्ण घटना है क्योंकि किसी और ने मेरा हाथ पकड़ा और दिशा दीखाई वहाँ से कई रास्ते खुलते गए
Teachers, support staff, Nurses, मित्र, पड़ोसी, doctors, office staff, OT, PT और Speech professionals, area coordinators, case workers
सभी ने मदद की, लेकिन कहीं तो कुछ कमी थी, वो हमें और हमारे रहन सहन को और हम उनके काम करने के तरीक़ों को, system को नहीं समझ पाते थे
कई सालों तक और आज तक बहुत बार, क्यों, कैसे ऐसे सवाल ज़रूर आते है मन में, अकेलापन, निराशा, ग़ुस्सा, और कई बार उम्मीद, सब कुछ जीने के बाद मैंने सोचा कि मेरे जैसे किसी और को ये मुश्किल ना हो और उसी Cultural gap की कमी को पूरा करने २०१७ में “Desi Moms Network“ बना, २५५ Indian Moms आज एक साथ है, एक दूसरे का Support system हैं
Special needs immigrant / minorities Families अकेली हैं, घर वालों से बहुत दूर है, आप जब उन्हें support करने जाते है तो please cultural curiosity के साथ जाइए, openness के साथ उनकी मदद करिए क्योंकि उन Families का आपके अलावा कोई नहीं है,
अगर वो सर ढाँकते हैं तो orthodox नहीं हैं, डिज़ाइनर कपड़े नहीं पहनते है तो अनपढ़ नहीं है, हाथ से खाना खाते हैं तो पुरातनपंथी नहीं हैं Broken या accent वाली English बोलते हैं तो गवाँर नहीं हैं, घर में जूते नहीं पहनते तो Backward नहीं हैं, मीट नहीं खाते हैं तो गरीब नहीं हैं
आपसे personal सवाल पूछते हैं तो nosy नहीं हैं बस connection बनाना चाहते हैं, खाना या Tea कॉफ़ी offer करते हैं क्योंकि guest बहुत important है और parents से यही सीखा है
मैं समझती हूँ की आपका काम मुश्किल है, बहुत मुश्किल है लेकिन आप उनकी उम्मीद हैं, आशा है, उनकी दुआएँ है, सहारा है
इन familes की lifestyle, रहन सहन, बर्ताव,खाना और भाषा आपसे अलग हो सकता है पर इनकी ज़िंदगी का मकसद एक ही है - इनके बच्चे की खुशहाल ज़िंदगी
इस तरह से सारी दुनिया के माँ बाप बिलकुल एक से ही होते है - उनके बच्चे ही उनका धरम और सब कुछ है
आज मैं आपसे निवेदन करती हूँ की बस एक बात याद रखिए की ये बच्चे आपके लिए एक “Client” हैं लेकिन उन parents के लिए ये ही सब कुछ हैं
अगर आप ऐसी families से मिलते है जो एक सी भाषा बोलते हैं, एक ही जगह से हैं - प्लीज़ उन्हें एक दूसरे से जोड़िए, उनके village को बनाने में उनकी मदद करिए।
मैं DDS की शुक्रगुज़ार हूँ इस महत्वपूर्ण थीम के लिए, आप सबकी - यहाँ होने के लिए और उम्मीद करती हूँ कि हम सब आज एक दूसरे से कुछ नया सीखेंगे और इस दुनिया को बेहतर बनायेंगे
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