Many Roots, One Home: Building a Diverse and Compassionate Mom Network"

 The company I work for believes in giving back to the community, and that is one of the reasons I love my employer. I was awarded Volunteer of the Year for the Americas for my work with Desi Moms Network. The recognition itself is an honor, and it comes with a ten-thousand-dollar donation to a charity of my choice.

I was interviewed by the Indian Employee Network, and those questions really made me think about my journey—my vision, hopes, expectations, and limitations.

Here is the second question I was asked: *Talk about some inclusivity and diversity in the group.*

for the previous one - Please Click here.

Our journey as parents, moms and friends is interesting as our groups brings a diverse range of backgrounds and experiences.

We as a group have so many languages faiths, castes and socio-economic backgrounds. From many religion to region. That makes it very vibrant and interesting but at the same time brings some challenges. 

I tried to build groups based on geographical locations, languages, age of the kids, towns and hobbits and interests. Our main whats app group is a platform to bring everyone together, for announcements, to ask question so people from all age span can answer, sharing resources and just to bring everyone “home” but we have many small whats app groups too based on kids age, towns these families live in, area, interests and professions. They came together as mothers and then found their different villages. I am determined to create voices for everyone, paying attention to their quiet presence, private messages and answers to other questions. My drives are decimated to these phone calls. Our group functions  on mutual respect. Long ago I decided to keep religion and political opinions out of the group and that has been helpful. We don’t avoid difficult topics but we deal with compassion. We ask for help from experts in the field to help us understand complex issues. I invites speaker so the moms can learn and understand from the best. We also learn from each other, I hosted meet the mom session when one of them talked about her journey, experience, mistakes and triumphs.  

My hope and dream for the group is With every shared story , every question we continue to grow together- wiser, closer and stronger.  

A simple Orissa Ikat for a workday. Wearing Saree at work is my new norm. 

Below pics tell you another story

I was new to this town 22 years ago and no Indian in sight. I built the Desi Ladies community for very same reason. *Belonging*

Last month the women from my group performed Indian Bollywood dance on Franklin town stage. They all come from various backdrop but that day they were showcasing “culture of India”  

This was a victory, Anand went shoe shopping with me and we found 3 pairs :)

My initial vision, and how has it evolved. - Desi Moms Network

 The company I work for believes in giving back to the community, and that is one of the reasons I love my employer. I was awarded Volunteer of the Year for the Americas for my work with Desi Moms Network. The recognition itself is an honor, and it comes with a ten-thousand-dollar donation to a charity of my choice.

I was interviewed by the Indian Employee Network, and those questions really made me think about my journey—my vision, hopes, expectations, and limitations.
I will write my thoughts here.

Here is the first question I was asked:

What was my initial vision, and how has it evolved?

I wanted to create a safe, understanding, and empowering space for moms. I wanted to break the isolation and loneliness. I also wanted to voice the cultural differences and challenges we experience. My idea was not about resources, but about connection, cultural belonging, emotional strength, friendship, and long-term relationships.

My goal was for every mom to have a friend. I wanted to normalize conversations about disability, push back against stigma, and encourage authenticity.

From calls to meet-ups, WhatsApp chats, various get-togethers, picnics, workshops, and seminars—the focus was, and still is, always on empathy, shared strength, and belonging.

The group has grown not only in numbers, but it has evolved from an intimate circle into a multi-city movement.

I have invited experts, hosted many events, and created partnerships with various organizations—which have resulted in supporting families in many different ways. Our network has turned into a true community of action. We have a very diverse group coming together to build something meaningful—a community of action.

What started at my dining table has now become something bigger than I ever imagined:
a growing, evolving, and deeply connected community of purpose.

An Ikat for a silver Jublee wedding anniversary celebration. 

Our get together could be all about food or financial literacy. A set of parents hosted a workshop about investing and market. 

The Joy Behind the Chaos: One Day, Many Memories

Sometimes, for organizers, and sometimes for families, even a small event with a special needs family becomes a big deal.We can't always predict how things will unfold, and sometimes small joys show up unexpectedly.

It was time for our once-a-year family celebration—an event where families come together, relax, and connect.

I wanted everyone to enjoy it, but as always, it had been a struggle to get people to commit. Everyone worries: Will my child be okay that day? What if there's a meltdown? The anticipation and anxiety often take over.

We started planning a few weeks ago. The venue was booked, and food was ordered with the condition that we’d confirm the final count three days before the event.

The photographer agreed. We even found someone to organize fun activities for the kids and do face painting.

As the date came closer, we started getting responses from families. The team made dozens of phone calls to encourage sign-ups. Finally, the day arrived. Over 45 families showed up.

The food was delicious, the servers were wonderful, the face painter was a hit, and the photographer was outstanding. He was so patient and kind with the families.

Seeing these photos brings me the ultimate joy and motivation.

Our events are shorter than typical events, and the serving team helped with cleanup so efficiently that everything was done in no time.

I only remember running around, didn’t get to sit and eat, don’t recall who all I talked to, and I’m sure I missed many—but now, what I remember are those happy faces. And in the end, every smile made it all worth it.

Because these pictures tell the real story. And in those happy faces, I see the reason we do this. A blue Kanjivaram for the evening. 

Mr. Husband showed for few minutes and photographer was very kind to catch those moments. 

I am so fortunate to call these women my friends - Beth and Cheryl - the guests 

Anand didn't want to be part of the event and decided to walk. After 7 miles he showed up and agreed to be in the pics. Lucky me ! 

My amazing team

"Love, Laughter, and Low-Key Celebrations - No Fuss—Just Us

 I love celebrations; they don’t have to be over the top but something to mark the occasion. I have been a no-gift, no-flower woman, which helped Mr. Husband tremendously. Now I welcome gifts and flowers, but he refuses to change.

On our first anniversary, my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and 2-year-old  niece joined us. Their anniversary falls a day before ours, so we decided to go to Mahabaleshwar, a short trip from Pune, where we lived at the time, for a double celebration.  Unfortunately our niece got an ear infection that day and cried the whole night. Mr. Husband and I sat in the next room helpless. We came back to Pune very next day. That was the beginning of anniversary celebrations for us.

 

We have had a pretty good life together celebrating in our own way but we never did anything big for our anniversaries or birthdays. For my 40th our friends hosted a small get-together. Our 25th was in the middle of Covid, as was Ashish’s 50th. For both of these, a few close friends joined us, and we ate outside in our backyard. Things were a little better for my 50th, and I had a few small celebrations with friends.

Our 30th anniversary was a completely different story. It fell on a Sunday which was also  Father’s day. On Saturday, we went out with the Desi Moms Network group for lunch, and a friend invited us for dinner. Sunday morning started with some drinks, snacks, and cake with his volleyball group for father’s day celebration. By the afternoon, we needed a nap, and when I woke up, I was too full and lazy to go out for dinner. For years, this was my rule – No cooking or homemade food on special days. I guess I am getting older. Instead of going out we got the cars cleaned, and Mr. Husband cooked. We sat on the deck for a simple dinner by him.

 

Evening was all about both of us taking turns to play our favorite ghazals from our youth for a long time. This was so much fun. 

So no dressing up, no sarees, no flowers or fancy food, we found the days joy in cleaning the cars, home cooked meal and ghazals . I guess celebration could mean reliving the memories, spending time and doing the things together.

A beautiful Banarasi for a meet for board of directors. 

“Strength in Diversity - Celebrating women's voices and stories – We the Women of South Asia

 “Strength in Diversity – We the Women of South Asia”, a truly meaningful and inspiring event. 

I was invited to speak by the team at White Feather Creations. Below is the speech I delivered that evening

कुछ दर्द थे जो समझे नहीं गए कभी,

पर हर आह में इक दुआ बनती गई।

What a fabulous evening! I am so honored to be here with all of you tonight. A big thank you to Razia and her team for making this possible. And thank you all for being here as you could have been anywhere doing things you love but you chose to be here with us. My gratitude.

I’m truly in awe of everyone in this room. Let’s give a round of applause for all the inspirational women here! I hope you learn some, connect more and find strength and move forward with more conviction  in anything you do and make this world a better place with your passion and empathy.

If I ask you to introduce yourself , where would you start? Now, what if I asked you to exclude your husband, children, and work from that—could you still describe your identity beyond those roles? Sit on that thought for now.

My name is Jaya Pandey and I am here today as a mom, a wife, an immigrant woman of color, a friend, a blogger, a community builder and a person.

Married my best friend Ashish, moved out of India, have two kids, Ajey and Anand and made Boston my home. Story of my life. I am sure it’s the same for most of you. Right?

Anand was diagnosed with Autism when he was 8. and our lives changed forever.

Years ago, I was at a crossroads. I had a wonderful village, but after my son’s Autism diagnosis, I felt the absence of a friend who could see and understand Anand’s mother in me. And then, a few came along, they didn’t look like me, didn’t speak my language but changed my life for the better. That gratitude became my guiding force.

A few years later, that feeling led me to create something which was nonexistent in the Indian community. In 2017, I started building a group for Indian moms with special needs children with an idea . Our group is not your typical support group; it's a village. As of today over 350 mothers  are working hard to provide a meaningful and enriching life to their children - Together.

A village where families with special needs children have a support system but It is important to build friendships as women, not just as mothers. Those connections become lifelong friendships, and with that came the support, family, and resources

I wanted it to be a circle of friendships beyond our roles as moms. That foundation has fostered lasting friendships and allowed us to build a circle of support.

I have a question for you: How many of you can say you have a friend who truly understands you? Someone who knows your fears, insecurities, nightmares, and dreams? If you call her your bestie, do you know what her favorite destination is, what brings her joy, does she keep you grounded, supports your vision? And can she read your mind?

Tonight, I encourage you to think about who you are as a person. Do you connect with someone as an individual or just as a mom, a wife, or a colleague?  Let it sit for 24 hours, and then make a list. Do you have an advocate, a connector, a mentor, a confidant, or a fun friend in your life?

As women we are raised to push beyond our limits. We want to be a perfect mom and wife but we rarely pause to analyze what it's costing us. We need to change the notion that rest is not laziness. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it gives your friends a chance to be a part of your life. Self care is not selfish, stopping and filling your empty cup before pouring is wisdom. You matter -not Only in these roles but as a person. 

Families are usually reluctant to talk about the hardship. Mental health conditions are considered to be a weakness and never discussed within families. Often this is kept as a well guarded secret. 

Parents worry about what others would say about them, their child, their family. As a result they  are reluctant to share, in their close social groups even among friends. The child is on medication for depression, anxiety, attention, etc is a huge deal. Parents worry that this might affect their social image in the community.

Here comes another question for you - how many of you have supported a friend who went through some loss, health scare, sickness? How many of you have supported a cause like domestic violence,  education, environment, underprivileged families, women and political philosophies.

In my perfect world I would like to see the same numbers of you supporting mental health and  disability causes. Be the friend who checks in. Be the woman who speaks up. Be the light that helps someone else find their way.

We need to bring some basic changes and be able to talk about difficult topics, we need to stop glorifying parenting so if parents are having a difficult time they should be able to voice and seek help. 

I urge you to build your village, be there for one another, pay it forward, and find joy in these connections. Find the friendships that fill your heart, have conversations to nourish your soul and be a part of the community that celebrates who you are even on the days when you are not your best.

I am endlessly grateful for my village, my family, my parents, my sisters, and the Pandey men. I get to be who I am only because of their love and support .

मैं अकेला ही चला था जानिब-ए-मंज़िल मगर,

लोग साथ आते गए और कारवाँ बनता गया।”

Thank you once again for having me here tonight.

A blue "Queen of heart By Deepa mehta" Creation