It will all turn out good in the end.

Today I think I just needed to hear that.

 It was one of those days when I feel like I could do more, whatever I do, will always regret if I could do something better for my kids. Its never enough.. Whatever you do you are not happy. This day when I feel like parenting makes you most unsatisfied person on earth.

There is a mom part in me, which is asking for more every time, the other part battles and tells me count your blessing lady and be happy with what you got. Crazy stuff…huh. I wish I had a one on one talk with my mom before I decided to have kids. She would have given me some insight.. Anyway.. So when I picked up the phone I never knew that our conversation would turn that way. A crabby mom just poured her heart out to another mom and what I got was a very balance perspective on parenting.  Some times it feels good when someone can give you an ear without judging. I don’t think I could talk to many people that way on an average day but as I said it was one of those days and she was one of the role model person.. She just said that everything turns out to be good and yes another thing – you kids should know that you believe in them, you trust them.

This is my take for life.. I know it will be hard, my boys got a very short tempered and impatient mom but I will try.. Does it sound like a New Year resolution?

Here comes Anand's own blog :)

A fun and torture weekend for Anand?

Thanksgiving weekend is all about food and shopping fun for everyone.For us it was lot more than food and shopping. Wednesday was a Nutcracker fun day. Anand absolutely loved it and want to go again. But getting him ready was a ride. From my boss to my bonus money and company wants to do it and what not.. but finally it all ended great. He came back home happy.

It always has been my way of pushing him for things every other kid would do. Sometimes it does back fire and I feel bad about it but these are the occasions when I feel I am doing OK.. I do need to take my chances and see how it goes.

The next day I pushed another button – Take Anand to a wedding, an Indian Wedding. I didn’t want him to miss on something special than our everyday life.

I went there first and noticed that it will be over crowded for him. There were around 400 guests. But I still wanted him to be there.. when Anand came with Ashish and AJ  it was obvious he was done with the place within minutes, . He wanted food. Off course that was the biggest catch for my growing boys. Thank goodness for the waitress she could get a piece of Pizza for him and he was happy.

then bride came in Palanquin, Everyone was clapping and having fun and it was sensory overload for him so I settled him in another area ( next to the wedding place) with my iPhone ( Steve Job, I love you even more). It was heart breaking that my son was sitting alone somehwere.. The wedding ceremony lasted for an hour and he spend that hour with Mario. Three of us could be part of Ami’s big day and Anand spend his time in next room.. But later I thought atleast he was there and enjoyed the grand dinner with all of us. As of now I feel good about it that atleast . He didn’t enjoy as much I did but atleast we could stay the whole 2+ hours.. and that is HUGE..

So I will keep pushing him, worry about what will happen next but still keep taking (dragging???) him everywhere…

Money really matters.

This thanksgiving I think I have one very good reason to be thankful for – my job..

The way I am promising money to Anand I better have my job..

I wrote about my bribe for The Nutcracker Show.. Today one of my friend mentioned that the cinema halls will be empty why not go to movie.. We decided in a spur of a moment. So when I asked everyone about movie "life of Pi"– Anand’s first response was NO – as we knew it. But I decided to play my trick.. I asked how if I buy you the game you wanted. I promised you my bonus money but I get bonus in March.. So lets go to movie and I will buy you the game on Black Friday sale. Poor kid, he just had no choice.. Ok mom, I will come BUT will not watch the previews..

He doesn’t like the MGM lion’s roars. And we don’t know if they have any MGM previews. I knew it was a no win fight so we agreed that he will be out of the door and will come in when the movie begins. 

Ashish and I have decided not to use money for house chores. We have decided that house chores are everyone’s responsibility and we share it so no one gets paid to do stuff around the house. But I discovered that bribing of these kind are not a sign of bad parenting :)

Ashish just joked that I will go bankrupt soon.

So finally within 30 minutes we all were on our way to the Cinema Hall. It was quite, perfect for us.

Ashish and Ajey went and took the seat and Anand and I decided to walk around. We saw few posters and talked about the movie. I didn’t knew much either but gave him an idea that movie is about a kid and a tiger from India.

Finally we went in when movie began. I was just happy that he was sitting next to me and watching. He had to keep his hands to his ears many times but he did watch the whole movie.  It feels great that we could watch a movie without any meltdown or fight. Thank goodness for the video game..
It felt great, gave a sense of normallcy to watch the movie with him. Felt great that he had another experience today and he is growing up..

I will sure buy him a game soon but now I am thinking.. I should just delay one day and give a try for Sky Fall.. What do you say?

The power of Music and Dance -

When I got an email about complimentary tickets for Nutcracker dress rehearsal last month, I wondered how would it go. I always believed in giving my kids every experience atleast once, they can choose after that if they like it or not. Ajey was excited and Ashish was skeptical.

Last week finally I told Anand that we are going to see Nutcracker and company gave me the tickets and if we don’t go and behave well I will loose my bonus. ( I am so glad my boss doesnt know about my blog) I promised that I will give him a share of my bonus.. Mind that - this kid has no idea what Nut Cracker is all about. I just explained that it’s a musical show. Thank goodness for money, he agreed.

Everyday we talked about how important the good behavior is when you meet people mom and dad work with, why we need to wear the good clothes or cannot shout or scream. I tried my best to prepare him but was worried how will all this work out.

Finally the day was here.. Last night we sat and talked. All he cared about my bonus money and what will he buy with that. Whatever works was my mantra..

This morning we all got ready, I gave him a button down shirt ( he doesnt like it) and he did wear it. We left home and I read the synopsis on the way. We talked little bit about it, I wasn’t sure how much he got out of it.

We reached there and I was relieved that it wasn’t a busy place. It was a dress rehearsal and reception just for State Street families. Tons of cookies and cake, he was happy. He met everyone nicely, talked and behaved very well.

Then he found his friend Bear and Mouse.. For a change my son asked for a picture.. And then we went in for the show. We got the front row- awesome, perfect volume – wonderful.. The show began and my son was in some other world. I enjoyed watching him more than the show. I checked couple of times he was just ecstatic. Ajey and Anand both are musical kids. I was sure Ajey will enjoy it but was worried about Anand. During break he couldn’t stop smiling. He watched the whole show without asking anything. I agree those dancers were great but if they could make my son sit and watch and enjoy… they were incredible.

The ride back home he was very quiet, didn’t say much. I cannot wait for morning to talk to him about it. I am so happy. I am glad I tried and my baby surprised me again.

And Credit Goes to Santa -

We have been trying to teach Anand about money and expenses. He always thinks that buying stuff and eating out is a norm. Ajey & Anand don’t ask for too many things but when they want it has to be the best. So we have been talking about how we cannot buy everything he wants. His first question always is how much money you have?

So last month we decided, we would give him $5 as allowance every Friday.

He has been meaning to get Xbox controller for Wii and a game. So we thought it’s a good motivation. The deal is - be good, do your chores and you will get allowance (not paid for chores) every week. So when we remind him and if he is in good mood dishwasher is loaded, shoe rack is clean and clothes are in hanger not on floor.

  So far he has $25 saved. This weekend he tried one of friend’s controllers and he couldn’t save the game. My intelligent husband steps in and somehow convinced Anand that it’s not worth the money to buy this controller if he cannot save the game. That night When Ashish came to bed he was all smiling that we wont have to spend that $110 on controller and game. Anand agrees to buy a Wii game. What Ashish didn’t know that our son is not gonna “sleep on” that idea. He must be awake and thinking about all the options (offcourse mom’s genes will kick in somewhere :))He plays on his iPad every morning waiting for his van. That morning my son used his time so effectively and did his research. . Damn Google -my husband is just not happy with you. When Ashish walks in home from work last night Anand goes to dad and says guess what all we need is just the memory card with controllers and it will work dad.. Dad says but we don’t have that much money you will have to save till April and here comes the reply.. You don’t worry, just get me the game and controller and I will ask Santa to get me the memory card.. Oh well. We, parents love Santa, Don’t we ? he gets the credit for what we do :)..

What makes us a “mom” - a “Special Mom”

Being a parent is the most challenging job in any case, so I will not say that we are doing anything special, Its just with our children we become Special Mom.

The last week was a roller coaster ride, with Diwali, busy work, school work and meeting special moms.. I had so much to write but the thought process could not come down to paper.

Everyday had a new episode of joy, fun, sadness, worries and again satisfaction.

I heard that I was the greatest cook, best mom to worst mom ever in complimentary form. There are days when I feel I cannot do it anymore, someone holds my hand and makes me feel special.

A gentle hug from Ajey when I couldn’t stop my tears saying Its ok Mom.. A nice cup of tea from Ashish (he hates making my special Tea, too much work he says) and one of those moment when I get a compliment from Anand that I am the best mom makes me feel special. It’s a beautiful Sunday morning; Anand raving about his new wimpy kid book makes me happy. He is a happy kid today and I wish it could stay the same ..

Why does it sound like Autumn???

Today I went to get a book from Amy W. When I was about to leave Anand was ready to go with me. These days I do take him wherever I can. I feel that more he goes out and sees things more he will learn.. His trip was great, he came back extremely happy. It was one of those house where he felt he was home.. Thanks Amy, You have a fan in town..

On my way back we were talking about various things, all of sudden he asked why did you go to that house. I told him about the book I wanted. Next question what is the book about and I explained it’s about Autism. There were times when I tried to explain to him about Autism but it never made sense to him. I thought today is the time, Its just both of us on the road. So I asked him do you know you have Autism? Do you know what it is.. I had to choose my words very carefully. At the same time I didn’t know how to explain and what to say but I had to give it a shot. I tried to explain how 4 th grade was hard for him, How things don’t make sense to him sometimes, how loud noise bothers him, how he watches same things over and over again. He suddenly said like I am obsessed with candy corns? It was hard for me to explain how the obsession with candy corn is different than the obsession I was talking about. Then we talked about how he gets angry and shouts and argues. And here comes the reply Oh so Ajey also has Autism? And you too mom.. You argue with Ajey ( anyone who has a 15 years old at home will know about those arguments).. At that time I just couldn’t say anything except smile ..oh yes, honey you are right.. I think I do have Autism.. Guess he is not yet ready to know the details.. we both were quiet then.. After a long silence he says why does Autism sound like Autumn mom??? I wish I could answer that but my heart aches even thinking about it. We all love Autumn here but it was a dreading season in India. Nothing to love about autumn it was just a resemblance of end of liveliness.  Really??? That’s what Autism is???? End of liveliness???

Vote for Romney, he is so funny …Jon Stewart says so

CNN always has been the integral part of our life and for last couple of months it has taken over any time Ashish and Ajey have.. I never liked politician, politics and Anand preferred his lego, quiet basement and video game over news.

Last night we were planning our day. Kids had no school, Ashish took a day off and I had to go to Boston for training so we were talking how would I fit my voting in our schedule. All of sudden Anand said - mom, you vote for Romney. We couldn’t believe our ears. Two days ago only I explained him the election and his simple question was we already have a president why do we need the election.. I told him whatever I could and not even sure how much he got out of it. So all of sudden when he mentioned Romney (you can imagine the reaction from Ajey.. my hard core Obama all the way fan) we were like where did you get that? Then he explained to me why he thought Romney was funny BECAUSE Jon Stewart makes fun of him, laughs at him and shows funny pictures of Romney.

I don’t know what will be the outcome of election but for Anand it was all about jokes and fun. I am just glad that we can have some CNN-Analysis less time at home and Anand can think of something else than Bill Maher, Jon Stewart and Colbert..But if Romney wins Anand will always think people voted for him because he is a joke???

Celebrating “you are the best cook ever”..

When you have kids on spectrum, routine and structure is the only choice you have. They want to go to same place, eat the same food. You can say everything should be predictable. That is one of the hardest things my family and I struggle with. I like to try everything, food, place or anything fun. It’s my philosophy that change will keep you happy and entertained. Well, I needed an updated version of this philosophy and include "sameness" in life. I have always been creative when it comes to cooking and poor my guys, they tolerated and learnt over the years that they have no way around it. So as long as I have some fish, plain rice, chhole, dal, roti, pasta, noodles and few other variations Anand is happy.

When I have to go out and leave the boys home “meat sauce” and chhole-roti or fish roti is my safest bet.

Thursday is my school night so I left home with hot fish on pan. When I get back he was already in bed asleep. He is dad’s son every morning, But Ashish needed some extra sleep so I took over the morning job. When I went to wake him up, I was expecting the question - where is dad ? But what I got was- mom you are the best cook ever. I thought he must have been dreaming about something but apparently the fish was very good. Here I am thinking of the whole process, I didn’t have time to cook tomatoes for curry so I used the spicy pasta sauce for base.. and my son LOVED it..

Well if I can feed him fish curry made in pasta sauce and get the compliment, hell yah I don’t care what the food critics say ..I am the “bestest” cook ever..