I have always said that I am not a perfect mother or wife material. My philosophy in life sometimes doesn’t match with social standard, and I am Ok with that.
With Anand going to camp a part in me was very happy. Not only just for him that he will experience something new and enjoy it. I was excited and happy for me too that I will for a change have a different routine. I thought I will not come back home from work and roam around city, watch movies or go to someplace for kids free dinner. It’s not that I haven’t done these things before. But I never was a free mom. I would go out and have fun and still in my mind I would think about them. But still sending him to camp was a ticket to a free world to me. I have been telling my older son that for these 4 days he is on his own. I am not thinking about cooking or laundry or anything. I am not sure if it is a sign of being selfish but I had this free time image in my head.
Yesterday I came back home with a little weird feeling. He was happy and having fun with the counselor, chit chatting about his game. I Got a nice good bye hug and off he went. On my way back I was not sure how I was feeling sad or happy. By the evening I couldn’t think of anything else but him.
So far I have called camp 3 times and I know he is not sad and unhappy. They didn’t call to ask me to come back and take him, that’s a good sign, right?
Now here I am thinking what is going on. I wanted this time for me but when I have it I am not able to enjoy it. Is it called motherhood? What happed to my freespirit? Why cannot just get out and not think about him constantly. I guess I do have some mother instinct. I do miss my baby and I know he is having fun. Now it’s my time to have some fun so I will a better mom when he comes back.
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