The Desi Village..

The four mother in that quiet restaurant met like they have known each other forever. When I walked in, the server asked me how many and I had no idea what to answer him. I just said I think we are 5, meeting for lunch. He agreed to give me the window corner seat and I sat there wondering what to expect in next hour. 
I got involved with a whatsApp group of Indian mothers of special need kids . We have been thinking about meeting for some time. This was a first time meet for me with this group, When I ignited this meeting many agreed but we had many cancellation that morning so norm in unpredictable special need world. Finally 3 more mothers walked in. I knew one of them but soon enough all of us became friends like never before. No-one in that restaurant could imagine that we were meeting for the first time. Soon we forgot that we were new to each other. All we knew that we are in this together. We shared our dream, we talked about our worries and frustration, felt thankful to have people and support system in our life, expressed the gratitude and at the same time talked about our lows and highs, explained laws and services to each other, showed our family pictures and felt the connection right away. In that short period we held each others hand and uplifted the spirit, shared the knowledge and felt connected.
I drove back home thinking these women get me more than many of my fiends and family. They understand the emotions behind those frowns or teary eyes without even saying anything. This brings up a very valid question-what brings human beings together? sometimes we feel strangers with people we have known all our lives. and at the same time we connect with total stranger, hand over our life story, share our feelings, emotions, dreams, fears with them.
Lets keep talking ladies and we will find joy, happiness, comfort and hope with each other. Amen to that.

Happy birthday to the best mother..

As I try to work through my calendar and figure out some dates for some conference, I was wondering how important it is to be educated or to know. to know things about our kids, for our kids and through our kids. There is so much to learn but never enough. The link to conference connected me to some other informations, which I never knew existed.

The discussion in one of mom’s group brings a new point every time I log in to that group. At the same time I wonder how many of moms don’t even know about these. There are times I wonder if I should learn more, should I work harder, should I get out more often, read more.. the answer is absolutely but where is the answer, when to stop or where else to look for. Every time I meet another special mother I have a piece of advice to give as well to learn something new from her.
There is an overwhelming feeling I get and it keeps me awake at nights. “The what ifs”, “I wish I had known”, “what can I do more””what will happen” are to name few. The worry never leaves my side, always in the back of my mind no matter what I do.
I try my best to learn more, do more but there is a time when I just give up and shut down. I take a break and some time I get back to that task but some times I just move on and deal with something new I got my hands on.
Some of the mothers I meet are incredibly smart and devoted but at the same time I meet some of mothers who need some rude awakening.
Oh my my, how I wish we had a manual.
There are times when I feel its not only us special moms who deal with it, its all for all the mothers around. Its never easy, isn’t it? As I wish my mother a great birthday today I remember her saying a mother;s job is never finished. There is a time you worry about kids, then time comes when you worry about their kids too. Happy birthday Amma, I know atleast there is one place I could still be a kid and leave all my worries on your shoulder.

New Year and resolutions..

Vacation weeks can be tough for anyone. no structure doesn’t do any good to any of us, leave aside our kids.
This holiday season we decided to take a vacation without kids, Just us. Ajey was home and suggested he would be home with Anand and two of us can go away for few days. such a wonderful start to the new year.
 The flights were booked and then I told Anand, as expected it was all fire, It didn’t go well with him and the first thing was “go alone why dad”. Well, this was the golden opportunity for me to teach him something, one more step towards independence.
We had real messy days, I was afraid how will we survive the vacation week but after 5 days things fell into place, He agreed to give it a try and the training began, his and mine. we both learnt to take one thing at a time. We were gone for 5 days, 4 school mornings. I didn’t want Ajey to do everything, that meant from morning to evening Anand’s task had to be Broken-down. We started with packing lunch and snacks. We couldn’t do the alarm in vacation week but started doing lunches. he is an excellent learner so it was quick and easy for him.
When school started on Jan 3rd, we did alarm and that day onwards he woke up on his own, packed his lunch and snack, brushed, showered, had his breakfast and left for school. Three days went without any glitch, I could see how proud he was but more than that his mother was on top of the world. We were leaving Friday, we were to leave by 6 and he was up and was getting ready for school.
That morning to airport I wasn’t excited only for my first (without kids vacation) with Ashish, I was excited and proud of my son. Who was smarter and more independent than last year.
I was away for five days. Few of phone calls and face times I heard he missed us, he was willing to come on face time that itself was a big thing for me.
I didn’t think I could enjoy the vacation but surprisingly I was better once I heard from Ajey that very first day how things were calm and good at home. The boys survived the snow storm, cooked and ate and had great time, so did their mom and dad in Vegas.
I don’t need a resolution for new year just remember to keep my calm and things will be alright.

what is a celebration?

What does a celebration or a holiday or a festival mean? well, we all have our own meaning and purpose to celebrate something, in my home this picture defined the holiday.

Everyone in Autism world knows what holiday and vacations are for us. Family time or celebration or festivities, no, not much of that. For us it means unstructured life and that leads to lot of heartache and meltdowns. And yes sometimes the celebration, family time and happiness comes around.

So this was vacation week and we all were home, No trip or big plans. We thought we will take one day at a time. We decided to introduced cooking and it didn’t go very well in the beginning but later it was much better. We worked on Homework and missing assignments and that absolutely was a disaster. But that’s how “introducing” and “anything new” works in our life. Offcourse dinner out at a favorite restaurant works well as a bribe.

So it was a week of having all the boys home. Too many hours spent together and it leads to meltdowns, not only for Anand, for all of us in different forms.

Ajey is home and I feel for him. The age difference is not 3 yrs, it never was but now it is way beyond years. My heart aches for both of my boys. They could have the best years of their lives together and have fun but it is not possible anymore. Seeing him struggle is one my biggest failure as a mother. I just don’t know how to console that kid. But anyway, after we had been through a storm we talked. we talked how to find, enjoy and celebrate those very few connected dots. The next morning, I saw this, brothers playing chess and my heart swelled with happiness and pride. Anand beat Ajey in all the games.

For me this picture defines what new year means to us. It was the morning of Dec 31^st. I would like to remember the last day of the year. Just like that, life made so much sense.

Wish you all a very happy New Year. I hope it brings a new morning and changes many things in your life.