A New Beginning: Celebration is a personal choice.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Celebration is a personal choice.

After a very long tiring and draining day I am about to hit the bed but cannot sleep without writing.

I am not sure what I am feeling right now. Happy, sad, spent, thankful and tired? I am feeling grateful for sure.

Anand turned 19 today, 19.. just unbelievable. The day ended with the people who were around me when he was born. And after so many years his Hindu birthday fell on his calendar Bday. Today is Guru Purnima according to Hindi calendar, he was born on that auspicious day on July 16^thin 2000.

The talk was going on for few days. All he wanted was a movie DVD “shazam”, which was being released today. Other than that no cake, no celebration, no dinner out. The mother in me was just hoping for miracle but it wasn’t looking good. By Saturday we knew that he didn’t want to make a big deal about it. He didn’t want any attention in school either so was very adamant that he wont even go to his summer school. Me being a pushy mom, I did try very hard but couldn’t make him go to school. I thought I would take a day off and take him out for lunch that didn’t work either. He totally refused the offer and asked me not to stay home.

Last night I went to bed being OK with his decision but this morning leaving him alone at home was very hard. His dad and brother were already gone, I just had a very heart wrenching feeling thinking about him being on his own. On the other hand he had his day planned with video game, phone, social media, you tube and movie.

I was driving to work but couldn’t stop thinking about his and our life. finally I sent a text to a group my closest friends who have been with me longer than my sons.

- “Anand’s bday today and he doesn’t want to do Anything. Stayed home so no attention drawn from teachers or students, no cake no dinner out - banned me from taking a day off.Wishes accepted only on social media And dominos piazza for dinner.Feel so bad but had to honor his wish. Here I am in Office thinking how lonely he must be feeling inside :(“

One of them asked if I am coming early from work. She made Anand’s fav food, got him a ice-cream cake and card, another one took care of his dinner choice _ Domino’s Pizza and another one got him cookies, strawberries and blueberries, his fav fruits. They all came, got a hug from him, gave him hugs, wished him. He was nice and thanked them for coming and gifts. Noone made a big deal of his Bday but I felt that he was showered with love and care. That’s all I needed for him today. Anand did receive and took some phone calls from family, responded to some texts, heard many wished him on Facebook and Instagram.

Meanwhile Amazon delivered the Movie. Anand got a shazam card in our mailbox from one of his high school friend. That was one wonderful act of kindness from that friend.

My heart is so full, knowing my boys are loved and they have people around who care for them. I did one thing right in my life, picked the right people as my friends. As of now the pizza is well taken care of, Movie is going on in the living room, berries are washed and I think the cake is waiting for its turn. The mother is ready to call it a night and happy to welcome another day, a better one.. another year older Anand and we are ready to move on to a better days.