This morning, I was driving to work in the wee hours, thinking about my mother. Last weekend, a friend noticed the way I was walking because of my knee pain and it reminded me of my Amma and her constant knee pain. My brother-in-law always said I walk just like her.
She was only a couple of years older than I am now when she visited us in 2006. We drove approximately 13,000 miles during the five months she and my father were here. We traveled a lot, and it was her enthusiasm that kept us going. Every night before bed, she would take two Tylenol, massage her legs, and be ready for the next adventure the following morning.
I wish I had known then to give her that Tylenol before we even hopped in the car, so she didn't have to deal with the pain. I wouldn't have changed anything about our travels, but I would have taken her to see more sunsets and sunrises, more vsthe blooming Esplanade, Dahlia gardens, the farmers market, and sat with her in a café on Howard Square. Those small pleasures would have made her so happy.
With my own hurting knees and acid reflux, I miss her even more. My health has declined over the last couple of years, and I understand physical limitations much better than I did 20 years ago. She was heavy and loved good food and snacks; I am exactly the same. Losing weight is an uphill battle.
Like her, I pour myself into the people I love Like her, I treasure my connections, but I also expect reciprocity;. And like her, I want to experience joy, happiness, and new things. I admire her courage, enthusiasm, and strength now more than ever. As I turn 55, I am no longer just her daughter - I am becoming her.
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