Making of a village. A desi one

The energy, the laughter, the happiness and the excitement in that room was so obvious, for a moment I forgot that these are the moms whose lives are far from easy and it was nothing short of miracle to have all of them there in one room on a cold, Friday night in December. BUT they were there and were REALLY present, the feeling of gratitude washes over me as I write this. Some day you really need an assurance with what you are doing is right, it was one of those night.

I have been planning for this for sometimes now and wasn’t sure how will it work out. Venue, time, date, convenience and logistics too many things to worry about, ON top of that we are special mothers, nothing is certain in our life. One meltdown can change the direction of the day. I haven’t met most of them in person so no one knew what to expect, and to give an evening to someone you never met is little too much to ask and I totally get it.

A friend and I joked that we might end up alone. Well, I believed in the mission and decided to go ahead with the plan. I am sure there were many questions in everyone’s mind about the whole idea. Meanwhile some of them read some of my blogs, some read Saree stories and I am sure some agreed just for the curiosity. As day drew closer more agreed. I think it was peer pressure in that what’s app group. A night before we learnt the restaurant won’t take the reservations for Friday night. These are the times you thank your stars, a friend who owns a restaurant agreed to host us. Meanwhile another persistent mother could finally convince the Olive Garden manager and we were in. Friday morning, we were around 18-20 mothers. By the time, we met we were party of 27. When I walked in I was a happy and worried woman, I really wanted everyone to have great time. The manager gave us a room and the best staff. We met, we laughed, hugged, complimented, commented and joked. We did introductions, we shared our dreams and celebrated what we have and decided not to worry about what we don’t have. We promised to help and support each other. We posed and took pictures. Someone toasted for positivity in life. We joked with our wait staff and had so much fun that other people in restaurant asked the manager what kind of celebration was going on. I am sure they were in shock knowing we were special mothers. We all walked in not knowing many and after more than three and half hour we left having many by our side. Promised each other to meet soon. I drove back home with gratitude in my heart. So many emotions and so many happy faces, that’s all I can remember.

The next morning my phone was buzzing with messages and pictures. One of them said it was one of the best night she ever had, the other said it was her first night of this kind and she is glad she came. One said she thought her life was just cooking, cleaning and taking care of kid but that night she found something beyond that.

I was asked to plan another one soon. The moms who couldn’t make that night want to make sure they attend the next one.

That one night redefined strength, motherhood, optimism, enthusiasm, persistence, support, hope, confidence and sisterhood. I always believed in having girlfriend support system, I am so glad many of those have a village of their own now.

This beauty is a gift from a high school friend's wife, whom I never met. He came to see us in Boston when he visited NJ for work. I think he spent more time in flight and on road than with us. we are not only lucky to have great friends but their spouses in our life too. 

"You got a friend in me "

Last night I went to bed with a feeling of satisfaction in my heart. The feeling when you know you made a difference, even a tiny one, a simple one. When you have done something and you SEE the result.

I have been writing about our life for few years. It is painful and depressing many a times but rewarding at the same time. Even one comment from someone who felt it was their story, someone felt close, someone else felt they are not alone, most importantly someone felt the hardship in their life is not end of the world. When my boys were young “you got a friend in me” from toy story was their favorite. This song still is my mantra, I think I can be myself because I am very fortunate to have people who get me. Ashish has been my best friend forever, Ajey became my another to go person when I need some light to see things differently and Anand has inspired me to be a better person, always. Other than these three men in my life there are some unsung heroes who hold me tight, they have their ways of saying they got me no matter what. My parents and sisters are my other pillar of strengths. I think I am optimist because I have these rays of sunshine in my life, always believed everyone should have some of that.

I have been told that I connect on a different level, never thought it that way. I have always had friends in my life but now when I am a mother I need different level of friendship with different people. Specially with Autism taking over our life in least expected way I think my relationships held me together and made me stronger. And I have been working on spreading joy of having “togo” people in life. Finally its taking shape and I am so happy.

I have been organizing special moms get together, 4 -5 moms would come and we would talk about our life. I was extremely happy that at least they felt like coming out of their shell and shared their world, sometimes a difficult one to stranger me. They opened their heart and life and made me a part of it.

Tonight we are meeting again and I am overwhelmed and over joyed that looks like we will be 25+ in that group. When the plan started a friend and I joked that it might be two of us only. We didn’t expect Moms coming out on a December, cold Friday night. But as days pass by I could feel the excitement. The planning, the place, the location, the ride, the sitter, husbands schedule talk about all these things again proved my point, we so want someone who gets us, listens to us.

I am so excited and want all of them to sing – for each other, for themselves..”you got a friend in me” Amen !!

Below is picture from yesterday, such a rare sight.. Anand agreed to be in picture, a smiley and happy Anand. 

  

Are you slipping away?

“Boys are doing great, I think it’s me who is slipping away” and I had to stop what I was doing. I had my own demon to fight and was not in my zone so started cleaning the pantry. That’s how I thought of “S”, a special mom from west coast whose OCD was motivation for many, who’s carefree ways made many people chuckle in the morning. And While I was cleaning and thinking about her, I realizes she was missing from Facebook for couple of months. I am glad she responded to my text and called as soon as she could. She needed someone and I am glad I was there. We talked about many things, how politics here and back in India was the major cause of our irritation, how we could sometimes be lonely having 100s of friends in life, how things don’t make sense and how “what ifs” is our destiny and how some time future seems so daunting.

I cannot focus on one thing, I must do multiple things at ones so my cleaning was going on, the laundry was being done and chicken was on the stove too. But after her confession I had to just stop everything and sit and listen to her, LISTEN to her my heart said, she needs you. And then it hit me.. how difficult it is for a strong woman to say that. She is one of those. She lost her parents and is an only child, having three boys, twins on spectrum. The rich and fast life of west coast is no help either. It must have taken a lot of courage to utter those words. We talked about various options, ways to deal with things, possible solutions and if nothing works she is more than welcome to come to Boston and stay with me with the boys. We laughed, joked, grumbled about life, husbands, kids, parenting, motherhood, womanhood, house works, relatives and everything under the sun. It was therapeutic and after that hour and half we both were happy and ready to deal with the world.

Later in the day I sent her a picture of Anand having dinner and right away got a text –“See, we have a bond. After I spoke to you my day went by so awesome, I spoke to husband and he said to look for ticket to Boston soon.”

This whole conversation forced me to write about this. How we ignore our own health, how we want to fix everything and don’t even realize that we are the one who are slipping away, we are the one who need someone sometimes. It’s not only our kids who need some therapy, we do too. It doesn’t have to be shopping, spa or vacation or couch in someone’s office. Sometimes it’s just a phone call, a hug, a kiss, a poetry, a new song from a friends collection, a dish from a friend’s kitchen, a pantry cleaning afternoon, a coffee, a drink on workday afternoon, a dinner without kids, a movie or just a walk. Find whatever works for you at that moment but I urge you to find it, look for it and just ask for help. Don’t let it slip away, you don’t want to because not only family needs you.. YOU need yourself too.

Below is the image - A summer afternoon in cape cod. My Facebook status said-

When you forget everything in the world and enjoy the moment. 
and son catches the glimpse of real you.. at that ONE moment when you are not a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, partner or anyone else ... Just YOU.
Happiness redefined..
Summer 2017.
I grew up in central India MP, saw the ocean for first time when I was 24.. and lived close to ocean since then :) and Imagine I am a piscean..Water does something to me 

 Next day I was at the beach at 6 AM. A day before I wasn't allowed to sit on life guard's seat during the day.. Guess what.. It was all mine that early in the morning, A cup of coffee and Jagjit Singh's ghazals were my companion for next two hours.

                                                  
                                                 and my view was spectacular...