A New Beginning: A week with 1000s of emotions.. life is a roller coaster.

A dear friend said she hit the rock bottom and then she had no option but to come up and be the mom her son needed her to be. Autism changes everything in one’s life. It doesn’t matter where you child is on spectrum, the worries remain the same..”are we doing the right thing” That is the million dollar question.

I had seen so many of colors of life in these last 8 days that I needed to get it out of my system. Friday Sept 7^th was a big day for us, a court hearing for Anand’s guardianship. I knew very well that I won’t be able to sleep a night before decided to watch a movie.. There are millions of movies but I picked the best one, without knowing anything about it. I needed a movie just to keep my mind shut and I hit the jackpot. “Once Again” a movie about two totally different people in their 40s, and making a connection and giving life and each other a second chance. Everything about that movie was just perfect. The story, acting, music, sets and above all the sarees. If you know me then you know my love affair with sarees. This movie just convinced me that I must go shopping when I go to India next. Movie again reminded me of how we react to emotions of our kids, their needs, their philosophy, and keep our desires on the back seat. Friday was no different, My kid took the front seat all the way..I still couldn’t get over the movie vibes, made me question so many things in my own life. Friday story here..

Saturday Saga needs another story, a mom launched her first book, supporting Autism Speaks but the star was the twin sister who created something for auction. At the age of 6 she already knew the meaning of giving back to community and supporting a cause.

That event made me stop and rethink so many things in my life. A sea of people who were there to support a cause, to celebrate the poetry, admire the art and some were there just for the friendship they had with the family. Sitting there I was questioning existence of many in my own life. Why do we connect, and when we do, do we connect whole heartedly? Do we connect with just the person or do we take them in our heart with everything around them? Is every person is like a package deal? If you are my friend, are you just my friend? Or you accept me as a mother to Anand. Do you really care what we are as a family? It’s so strange how someday can make you question everything about your relationships.

On the way to fundraiser I talked to a mom who is moving to Boston from California. We talked about our lives and kids. We never met, never talked before but that 45 minutes conversation didn't feel "new" even for a minute.

I couldn’t do much the day after. I had a heavy heart without any explanation and then a friend drops by just to say hello. But it wasn’t just a hello for a simple tea, it was a quick trip to give me a beautiful saree. I wish I could ever tell her what she did to me that day. It wasn’t just the saree, it was the gesture. She got me a saree from her home town in India. We are not very close friend but she really earned a place in my life now with her thoughtfulness. All of sudden my heavy heart felt the warmth of love and friendship. A new saree in collection will flaunt some love, admiration and gratitude.

Same week Tuesday we went for Anand’s IEP meeting, a new school, new staff, new hope and wishes and dreams. It’s so overwhelming knowing so many things depend on you. I so hope he gets the best out of that program.

Another day brought another aspect of life.. faith and belief keep us going, Visited a friend for her celebartion of Ganesh pooja. I don't believe or practice religion but I do believe in friendship and value their beliefs. People were chanting prayers and at some point I felt how lucky they are if those words are meaningful to them, bring them some peace.

Next day the mailman brought a wonderful note and a box of sweets from a mom. These are the words which keep me going, the work I do hopefully touches so many lives and seeing this makes me feel worthwhile. Thank you, R, you made me believe in my mission all over again. Week ended with mom’s dinner, A quick Tea stop with a dear friend in the same town, a conversation on her dining table with a cup of tea was such a mood setter for the Moms dinner..Soon after a quick drive 23 of us sat around table on a Friday night talking about our lives to complete strangers but we all felt we have known each other forever. Most of them were meeting for the first time and yet they connected right away. We bid good bye knowing, we will meet soon again, we will be there for each other and if someone hits the rock bottom we will be there to pull them up.

Can a smile hide everything going on inside? Right before the fundraiser began
a darling friend caught me at the right time. nobody could imagine the tears before and after. All it needed was a soulful song sung by another friend at the event and I was no where close to what I am looking here..BUT while I was a mess another kind soul came and held my hand, just to let me feel I am not alone..Thank you .M. much appreciated.

PC. - SK at P's book launch.

A tough day can be brighten up with a sunshine saree, thats exactly I did.. A gift from my sister in law held me together that Saturday morning. Anand's appointment in Newton..

How words can help with the mood swing. I so needed to get out of that and this note did just that. Rajini Karthik.. if I have a second thought I will think of you..These words will keep me going for sure..