Can a piece of paper define the responsibilities ?

I have been sitting on 3 topics for some time now and I cannot move on, hence writing anything else is very difficult, those topics are difficult to address and I am not able to find write words.

Started with Anand’s graduation, a sibling conversation and our struggle to keep things in right perspective. 

But my experience in Norfolk probate court sure needs to be addressed otherwise I will have another elephant in the room.

I didn’t think it was that overwhelming I handled it like a warrior mom but my emotional outburst in the court room surprised me and made me think I might not be the strongest woman I think I am. I am just an emotionally messy mom.

I couldn’t sleep night before, the usual me but it wasn’t tiredness which took over. We were there before court opens and the woman behind me in the line commented that it’s not usual busy that day, we both joked that it’s a beginning of a better Friday. The doors opened and I saw the familiar security faces, which made me feel better. I have been there few times and met some wonderful staff.

Walking in, getting paperwork done and routine checks till then I was OK, we walked in the court room and I started telling Ashish some stories just to shut my mind, the judge walked in and then it hit me. I couldn’t stop thinking about the heart-breaking reason we were there for. Our 18 yrs. old son was not able to take his decision and we were accepting that legally. The thought became the cruel reminder of our reality. I teared up and couldn’t bring the brave mom face up. We were second to be called. The way she handled the first case I could see she was a no-nonsense person. I walked in the area with Ashish. First time ever in courtroom in front of a judge, she saw the papers, asked few questions and just granted the guardianship. We were done in less than 10 minutes, just like that we took away the decision-making power from our son. I couldn’t stop thinking how unfair it was for him and us. How many times parents hand over that power to their kids and here we were doing the opposite. we got what we have been working on for few months and suddenly It struck me how overwhelming it was for me. I cried uncontrollably right outside the room. I don’t remember that happening before. A very public breakdown. I realized it was all inside me all along but didn’t have time to face it. Ashish being a wonderful partner didn’t say a single word and took me away and just held my hand. I know how much he hates tears, even that thought couldn’t stop my sobbing. In few minutes I was OK, went downstairs, thank the staff for helping me through this few months journey and waited for their coffee to be delivered. They explained what to be done next and in future. At that point, I realize how lucky I am to have wonderful people in my life. When I walked away from the courthouse I was in much better place knowing we did what is best for Anand. A friend texted back “you just made him more powerful” I think I will hold on to that line from now.. time to start a journey.. a better, stronger and more powerful, combined decision making..

a friend said - " we hang on tight to our kids, no matter what, with or without paper none of us will ever stop supporting our children" this picture is a reminder.. 

Sometimes its hard to agree to some of their decisions but we learnt to respect them.. Anand's choice of blue sneaker..when you go shopping with dad :)

 A friend sent this picture from her living room saying how Anand decided to spend his time in her home..Lucky to have these friends in my life who know Anand's need and wishes and respect them without judging. 

The choices our kids make.. Ajey with red hair.. at one point I wish I had control over that choice :) but soon I learnt to love that color and style. he did tell me before hand and thats what we want. a joint decision making, filled with love and what is best for them..for now and for future.. He kind of looked handsome .. i must admit