Autism
is everyday life for us. April 2nd is Autism Awareness Day and
Autism Society called April the Autism Awareness Month. This is the first post
for this month. I will write about ours as well other’s journey.
After
meeting a new family driving back is always hard. Conversation plays many times
in my mind and I see myself in so many of their situation that it becomes a
reminder of my own past and it hurts all over again. Last weekend was one of those. In their house, I realized we have many common friends and they all are
wonderful people but I could feel the social isolation there.
We
all start our parenting journey with hope and dreams and then things change.
That one diagnosis changes the whole path. We all struggle differently and find
our own solution to cope with it.
I asked
some moms what having a friend really means to them. I was keen on knowing what
they want from their friends with typical kids. And surprisingly their needs
from friends were not too different from anyone.
A
friend said people are just afraid to ask about our struggle or happiness, she
would want the friends to ask about her good and bad days. She would want her
friends to come to watch a movie, or a cup of coffee or some take out. Someone
said she would want someone to be a good listener on not a good day and just a “I’m sorry. That sounds so difficult,”
would work wonder. Another mom said she would still like to be invited for those BBQs she
couldn’t make all these years, just a thought of being included would make her
happy. Another mom said she would want her friends to give her son a try, an
opportunity for small work for the things he can do. With all those thought in
my mind I decided to call a common friend. She confirmed my apprehension that
she didn’t know what to say, how to say and always worried that if she says
something she will hurt her friend’s feeling. I could give her my side of the
story how my friend’s kids make me proud, how happy I am with their success and
I love to share their joy, and in return
how they share my small victories and take care of my well-being. I could go
away leaving my son at home alone knowing these friends are around and my boy
is well taken care of. Actually, they are the one who decided I should do that.
They are there when I need a shoulder, when I need a good laugh or a good ear
or just a lunch when I don’t know what is bothering me or just a grocery
shopping with me to keep my mind off of upcoming IEP meeting. They are ready with a
cup of tea or with a lunch after IEP meeting. One of them sat with me while I
was organizing Anand’s paper, Other one would call every couple of days just to
check on me regardless and drag me for walks. Another one would just come and
demand a chai. Another one just cooked meal for couple of days without any
reason. They are my circle of hope, trust and tears if I need them to be. They
grew with me, they learnt what works for me and we all invested in our
friendship that way. Because I never shut myself. I urge you today to be a good
friend, both side of the friend. If you have a kid with different abilities I
know comparisons happens, still be happy that those kids are reaching high and achieving
the sky, celebrate that joy with your friends. And if you are one of those
friends who want to remain friends with your wonderful and amazing friend
before they had special kids. Please educate yourself, read about disability,
offer to go to meeting with them, know what IEP means and then with a hug, a
cup of coffee or a meal reach out to them and ask how can you help, try to
include their child in your life as much you can, not only once or twice give
them few chances to let them know you are there for them. And see the magic of
friendship unfold..
Why
wait for another day? Just call/text to say check on them. and please don't forget to wear Blue on April 2nd..
#Celebrate
#differentabilities
Anand with Lisa, a friend's baby..
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