Our family is dealing with a sudden loss. My husband’s older brother passed away last week from a massive heart attack. No one could do anything and he was just gone on a fine Monday afternoon. I woke up to find multiple missed calls from the family. That was the day it hit me - how far we are from everyone and how “things” come in the way even if you want to just rush to be with everyone.
For the first time Mr. Husband and I had planned our trip to India together without the kids. Anand is ready to stay on his own with some supervision from friends and weekend visits from his brother.
The planning, shopping, packing was going on. I was trying to keep my anxiety in check of leaving both kids alone and traveling with Mr husband out of the country.
At the same time, I had the DDS conference in my mind too. A welcome remark and panel discussion were exciting too.
After getting the news Monday just went in frenzy and from that night on I just lost my sleep. I would sleep just a few hours at night and I was working on an already over packed schedule.The Sunday before I had just stopped everything and written my remarks and that was my saving grace because the next two days I had no idea what was going on around me.
Wednesday night was the toughest as the following morning I had to be on my best on the stage to convey the message of a mom who was an immigrant, a foreigner, a minority and different yet the same as other moms.
I was worried if I would be able to pull it off. I had the sense of tremendous responsibility that morning.
Years ago I started this conversation with my parents about last rites and wishes but I had no idea what anyone would want at the Pandey’s. I heard for the first time on that day my brother in law had donated his body to medical science and that made me realize how little I knew him as a person. The more I think about it I feel that somehow we miss that connection with the family when we move far away? We meet occasionally and it is all vacation and fun. We don’t get to see their day to day life or struggles. I think my friends here in Boston know more about my wishes, life style, routine than my own familes. I am determined to change it from now on.
What is your experience? Do you think you lost your connection with your cousins, extended family, friends from childhood, high school? Will you stop and rethink ?
Bangalore Sakhies welcomed me in a totally unique way, For Mahalakshmi Pooja “Pandal darshan”, The meet was planned long back and I was not sure if I should go with so much going on last week. But I am glad I went. The meet, the prayers, the spiritual part of Durga Pooja sure helped me heal.
A bengal taant from my mom’s closet.
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