A month ago, while chatting, I told a friend, "See you for Diwali." She paused for a few seconds and then asked, "I was wondering if you would do Diwali this year." I was a bit taken aback, but she had a point. In many Indian families, when someone passes away, people often don’t celebrate festivals for a year.
It hadn’t even occurred to me to stop living my usual life. My perspective is that grief doesn’t have a set time limit, and a void isn’t going to disappear in one year. My mother wouldn’t have approved of everyone pausing their lives or not celebrating. She was one of the most enthusiastic people you’d ever meet. I think she would want her daughters to live fully, just as she did—full of life.
What’s your take on this? I know many people don’t celebrate anything for a year to mourn and avoid festivities without the deceased person. But how is it that things can just return to normal in a year? Who decided there should be a timeline for grief?
I miss my mother, and not just this Diwali. Nothing is the same without her, and I feel like a different person entirely. But my friends, who’ve been coming to my house for years, will still come. We’ll enjoy the food and each other's company, talk about our families and kids, share the changes we’re going through, complain about getting older, and remember the old days. My mother will be missed in more ways than I can count.
A kanjivaram for a friend’s mom’s 75th Bday party. We didn't do anything special for mom's 75th. She was celebrated every year.
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