April - and Autism Acceptance

#100sareePact

#Celebration

#WearBlueonApril2

#AutismAcceptance

#MomlovesAnand

Dear Friends.. I am going to tag many of you, Yes I know I am taking you for granted :). Please remove tag if you want to. I wanted this story to reach out to as many people. 

April 2nd is Autism Awareness and acceptance Day. Please wear blue and support the cause.. and share this story if you could..

This saree concludes my #100SareePact journey. Please know I am thankful to each of you for reading, commenting, reaching out to me and helping in many more ways than I can mention. I have learnt a lot, grew as a person and seen a different world with you.

Please know #thankyou #gratitude cannot even begin to describe what I feel today. 

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This blue Banarasi on a crisp sunny day is a storyteller of hope, optimism, parenting, life, support, help and our own struggle and wish to build a better life for our children.

Ashish and I were young parents. Ajey is 97 born and we welcomed Anand in 2000. Life was great, Ashish was extremely happy in his career and I decided to stay home to raise the boys. Boys were a delight to be with. Anand wasn’t much of a talker but it didn’t bother me because his brother was a late talker and when Ajey started talking it was hard to keep him quiet.

We moved to our home in 2003. A new town, a new home we started our life in unknown town with excitement and happiness.

Soon Anand started preschool. His teacher noticed him not being very social. And there our journey started. He was diagnosed with speech and language delay when he was 4. Finally we got the name “Autism” when he was 8. 

I had just started working full time that diagnosis changed our life totally.

It took us sometime to figure out what was happening. It was one of the darkest times of our life for sure. We were in denial, frustrated, sad, heartbroken and angry.

But soon enough we made some decisions, decided to do what was the best for Anand, changed our life style and philosophy.

We read, studied whatever we could get, attended seminars and workshops, met parents and asked for help. Ajey was a wonderful older brother, who read and learnt about special needs. 

In 2009 I went to India for my sister’s wedding I realized how difficult it was for Anand. People didn’t understand him and questioned our parenting skills. That trip made me stronger and I decided to tell our story. Hence the blog “momlovesanand.blogspot.com” was born. I started writing about our struggles and small victories. It was a very difficult decision to put our life in open to the whole world. But I was determined to make things better for Anand. That blog helped many people understand the complexity of Anand’s life and many reached out to us. Many wrote to me that I wrote about their life, many said the blog helped them understand the Autism world and many thanked me to give them courage to seek help with their struggles.

 I want to tell you my story because I have been to every situation a special need mother could be. Today my mission is to educate parents about special need world, spread the awareness and acceptance for kids with special need.

I volunteer with many organizations and that makes me happy. I learnt mothers can do wonder if together. Please support each other, ask for help when needed and encourage your family to learn more about special need.

Today Anand goes to “co-taught” high school, enjoys music and makes friends. We still have our days when things are not so easy on any of us but we learnt to count the good days and move on with not so good days. Vacations are still difficult but not impossible, eating out is easier than before. We have learnt to accept “our Normal”.

 Our life is much better because we want to find solutions and not hide our difficulties. Ashish and I take care of each other and "us". I pursue my hobbies, do what I enjoy. We share our concerns and household chores. When I go to workshops, class or a music gathering I know my boys are well taken care of with their dad. As a family we figured out what works for us. I am very lucky to have a great support system. our families are well informed and educated, the friends around us have taken time to understand our life. We seek help when needed and always there to help in anyways we can . That way we can make a better world for our children. Most importantly we are open to advise, help and suggestion. We are not hiding and accepting that our world in not "picture perfect" but we make it wonderful for us. We learnt to accept a new normal, our normal. 

Today I urge you to add compassion, empathy, kindness and love in your life and see how beautiful this world is .. not only of others - for you too.

"Empowered mother" is the only solution !!

#100sareepact
#Learning
#saree69
#AutismLearning
#AutismAcceptance
#MotherFighter
With Autism things are not routine or traditional in our life. As I always say every thing is custom made so we keep learning and adjusting and trying.

After many years with so many workshops, seminars, doctors’ visits and books and everything in between we equipped us with knowledge but there is so much more to learn. Sometimes it is frustrating but at the same time it inspires to do more.

One of these seminar one speaker mentioned the program Federation runs for advocates (federation of children with special needs FCSN.org)

Lucky for me the class was about to start in two week. It is course of 9 classes for 6 hours and was to run for 10 weeks. I decided it was time to get into advocacy world not for profession per se but to know more. I started the class 4 weeks ago, a drive of 40 miles from home. It’s been a journey full of a heart aches, inspiration, hope, worries, motivation, togetherness, compassion and passion.

35 of us, parents, teachers, professional and attorneys we all are in this together. Passion to do more for our kids, students and clients. We want to educate people around us.

I heard they are having tough time reaching out to many parents in Asian community because of culture and attitude. They don’t even have Indian volunteers to talk to parents. I offered Federation that I will volunteer with them and try to help them in anyways I can. Because I know how it is to be a mom, a special INDIAN mom. I know how easy and comforting denial can be. How lonely and dark the path can be when you have no support and information around and shutting down all the doors seems the best option. I know how scary it is to think of future but at the same time I know how knowledge can empower any mother. A well-informed mother is what we need for our children..

the unuasal 70F weather in Oct made me celebrate the festive season and inspired me to wear a saree . My first Crepe from Mysore Silk Udyog, first taste of commercial street world. A quick selfie before I head out.. 

The fantastic coordinator with me – pic in the comment. Her daughter inspired her to learn more, connect, support and unite people and now educating others is her mission. I so wish to follow her footstep.

Gratitude and friendships

#Saree41
#Gratitude
#Chaiforcancer
#Graduationforacause

This Saree is a tribute to "friendship" .Well this story has so many sub stories in it. But today its all about "friendship" So be ready for a long read please.
Last Saturday I hosted a "chai ka Adda for cancer'. I met Viji on Saree Pact and loved her work. Her initiative "Chai for Cancer" saves many lives and won over many hearts. 
As you all know "Autism" is my cause but this friendship made me look beyond my life and be a part of something else. Friendship widened my world and I decided to host another adda at my home. 
My son decided to make it his graduation party and donate his gifts to Max Foundation. Motherly pride has no limit as I write this.
I called and posted on Facebook and my friends rushed in to support me and Ajey.
Finally the day came. Viji wore a blue to honor my cause "Autism" and I wore the color of "Max Foundation". We never talked about or decided but were amazed and happy to see each other in our colors. My friends Sent from my iPhone
Whoever was not I knew they so wanted to be here but couldn't. They called, texted and donated. A fellow Pact-er Lakshmi drove from New Jersey to be part of it.

I couldn't be prouder and happier. It was not just the money it was the gesture behind the whole thing. . I am still in awe of the whole thing. How fortunate we are to have such wonderful and generous people around us. 
My friends - please know you define me in various ways, You make life what is it today for Pandeys. I feel very lucky to have you in my life. Your friendship is a treasure. The adda was very successful in every term and please know I am just proud and blessed and thankful. 
Now its your time to see all the pictures and read Ajey's thought why he felt he should be part of it.

Ajey: -
Thank you all for coming to this Chai for Cancer adda, a project by the Max Foundation to help people in India battling chronic myeloid leukemia and gastrointestinal stromal tumors. Thank you to Viji Venkatesh for spearheading this wonderful effort, and thank you to my mother, Jaya Pandey, for hosting this adda. We should do this more often. I do drink a lot of chai.
You may have heard that is a replacement for my graduation party--I think I should explain myself. When I heard about Chai for Cancer, I was thinking about planning my own graduation party. But then I realized: I don’t need graduation gifts. I have a comfortable life, I have a wonderful family, and I’m going to college. What more do I need? What more do I want? 

Meanwhile, there are so many people struggling with cancer, fighting to keep their strength between rounds of chemotherapy, hoping the next treatment works better than the last one, questioning whether they’ll see their next birthday. They need help from their community more than I ever did and possibly more than I ever will. I’m not doing anything noble--I’m just telling the truth.

Among my peers, the noble thing to do is to “go cure cancer.” The height of honor is enshrined in glass laboratories, in cell research, DNA analysis, and drug manufacturing. That’s critical. But it’s not everything. Because cancer doesn’t simply exist in petri dishes--it affects people. We must also honor the doctors, caregivers, and community leaders who help those people, who give strength to patients and support for their loved ones. 
Let’s drink to these wonderful people and all they do for cancer patients.
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Pictures below
https://www.facebook.com/jayapande/media_set?set=a.10155781140700481.627150480&type=3 

I love my Village

Original post from Saree Pact
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155654827945481&set=a.10155354247220481.1073741923.627150480&type=3&theater

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“It takes a village is a proverb that leverages the cultural context and belief that it takes an entire community to raise a child. A child has the best ability to become healthy adults if the entire community takes an active role in contributing to the rearing of the child.”

I have considered myself a lucky woman when it comes to great friends and relationships. This blue saree is a tribute to my village. Today I want to write about some very special mothers who are part of my village.

Anand was 8 when we finally got a name for that puzzle. I tried to deny, refuse, wish and pray that one fine day I will get up and it will all be gone. I was just numb and in a very dark place. Being mother is hard in itself, seeing your child struggle, feeling helpless is even worse. You don’t know whom you should turn to.

This is the time Autism Resource Center extends a helping hand. The special moms hold your hand and help you navigate the unknown territory. Sue, Cid and many more do the wonderful job paving the path for new moms.

So it was 2013, I signed up Anand for a camp and while navigating the site I got to know about “mother’s retreat”. All I knew it’s a 21 hours stay and fun for moms. I remember driving over an hour and when I reached the hotel I sat in the parking lot thinking if I should go in or just go back home. I had never met those mom’s, didn’t know anything about any of them, and knew nothing about mother’s retreat. Finally went in and after an hour or so I forgot that I didn’t know anyone. That is one funny thing about “this village” no one knows you but they are the one who get you without saying anything.

The evening and night progressed and I got to know some incredible mothers. They had lot more than my plate but they are the first ones to offer you help, suggestions. They inspire me with their strength, they amaze me with their kindness, and they motivate me to fight more for my son, they encourage me to learn more, they persuade me to keep going and never give up. They hold your hand when you get tired, they cheer you up, and they cry with you and offer you their shoulder. And one day if I decide to run away from everything, they promised they would drive the car for me.

They have lived Autism when there was no Internet, no support, no help. But they made sure others get it. They teach, support, breath, live, learn, coach, talk Autism and I cannot find any adjectives to explain what they do and again I wonder – “how do they do it”.

This was my third mother’s retreat. Every year I reconnect old friends and make some new and comeback rejuvenated. We eat, talk, drink, laugh, cry and dance (except this year) together. Cid DeLeo, please make sure they get better DJ next year.

My Saree is tribute to Sue's energy, passion and knowledge, Cid’s willingness to do more for us,Cheryl's knowledge and spirit and Hope-Marie's enthusiasm to do more for her kids. And each and every mother in that village who keeps working for a better life for her kids.
My village - please know i cannot express my gratitude in words.. Love and hugs to all of you..

And a special thanks to Becky for this sign.

PS. Sue was very kind to put my blog on the Center's blog page -
http://www.autismresourcecentral.org/2015/06/it-takes-a-village-by-jaya-pandey/

 —

Franklin Sepac

Another post from Saree Pact

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155564453230481&set=a.10155354247220481.1073741923.627150480&type=3&theater
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We all do we need to do, ought to, should and have to and sometimes we wish to do.

But sometimes we just get tired, feel like giving up. This is the time you hold on to goodness around you. That simple joy “you are not alone” keeps you going and help you get through the day.

My this saree is a tribute to one of those set of people. Franklin SEPAC, Special Education parents advisory council. These are the ladies who volunteer to put many things together. They have everything to keep them busy what each of us do plus some more but still they spend their time organizing activities to educate special parents. They are the one to whisper in your ears - " you are not alone".

I went to a workshop last Wednesday night. I do wear saree often but wouldn’t have draped one for SEPAC meeting if not for Saree Pact. That evening I was thinking what would be a better “thank you” than writing about these ladies. I have met them just couple of times but know that they understand me more than many of people who meet me often. They understand and listen and listen without any judgment.

Hats off to you – Sara, Sarah, Holly, Caryn, Jennifer, Jen, Nancy and anyone I missed.

About the Saree - a simple saree Bought by my sister Varsha from Surat. very easy to drap. after getting the dinner ready for the boys I had to leave in 15 minutes. So this saree was a perfect pick with touch of blue for Autism Awareness. Thanks to Saree Pact Pandey boys know that Saree means a picture. So when I got out of the room Anand offered he would take a pic. The first picture outside of our house is from Anand, The second is selfie in SEPAC office and third one is taken by my man when I got back home that night (who was still awake wink emoticon. 3 shades of Jaya in one frame - Mother, Jaya and a Wife..

The group agreed to be in the picture with me. some of them are my FB friends and have seen those colorful Saree pictures. so were not very surprised when I told them about why I was wearing a saree, Thank you ladies.. You all rock. #Gratitude

The Last day of school and inclusion in MY class room.

The orginal post on facebook -

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155490252365481&set=a.10155354247220481.1073741923.627150480&type=3&theater

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Today's saree is nothing more than a simple Georgette saree bought in Bangalore.
It is blue saree I couldn't remember last week and I had to cheat and you all helped - oh yes, a big thank you for that.
Today I had my presentation - a last class of this course and my subject was - "Let's see the world".
my favorite thing on earth - Talk about various cultures and customs and rituals. it makes me happy.
So I decided to wear a saree, a simpe blue saree, and you all know now - Blue for Anand ,Blue for Autism in April.
So I wore the saree and first thing I hear from my son how pretty I looked.
Autism limits our life in many ways but it doesn't stop my son in showing his love and appreciation. I got a big nice hug, a warm smile and a promise to be in the picture.
Here I am in frame with both my boys, OK Ajey just joined to have fun with selfie stick. So did my classmates. who can say NO to a farewell picture smile emoticon

And a big thank you to all of you - I could wear all that red with blue just because #100SareePact showed me to mix and match.. a mix and match blouse some day very soon…

Any blue is a blue :) bcoz you said so.

The Original post is here on Facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155476110620481&set=a.10155354247220481.1073741923.627150480&type=3&theater
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I cheated today and you have to help me out here because you are my friend.
So this morning after a gym trip I had only 25 minutes to get ready with shower, breakfast and leave home. We were to see Dr. A. I decided to wear a Saree, a BLUE Chiffon with some work on it. After I draped the saree I felt it was "Too Much" with that work. Somehow it just didnt make me feel happy. Now imagine the chaos, I have 3 more blue sarees right there in closet but they all are not "wore because just felt like" sarees. and I found this simple cotton Ma Papa bought from a weaver in Mehandiwada couple of years ago. I know it is NOT blue but somewhat close to it right? Please please say yes because I really wanted to wear a blue. Wore it with a very blue necklace, a great friend Jayanthi got me. and the day was made because boys agreed to be in the frame with me.
Read more about Anand and us -MomLovesAnand.blogspot.com

100 Saree Pact - Blue and Autism Acceptance and opening your world and heart..

Some time you just wonder how mysteriously things workout or don’t work out in our life. We meet people to love them or just regret meeting them. Some things even make sense after years and may be decades.

I am putting together an invitee list for an upcoming event and the thought came to my mind. I have never done anything like on my own before but here I am doing it not for a cause, doing it for a friend whom I hardly know. Yes that’s what Saree Pact did that to many of us. Thrown together in a strange relationships – friendship, mentor, support, strength and sometime nothing more than some smiles.  Some jokes made us laugh, some comments made us think and some of them send us soul-searching.

We question our beliefs, we support the causes close to our heart, we hold each other’s hand and we laugh together.

On top of everything what stood out to me what how we opened our heart and world to others. I have been writing about Autism and our life and Anand. Never thought that I will make any impact someone else’s life other than ours. I wanted to make awareness and acceptance part of our and everyone’s life. But at some point I just stopped, was thinking is it really making sense to anyone or is it really making any difference. I wondered if I am putting my family out there too much. But then Saree Pact happened and it was April and all of sudden the April, Autism and Bluesarees were out there. I got some new audience and new people who started walking with me without knowing me, they were there to hold my hand, cheer me up when I was down, supported me without knowing I needed one, encouraged my sons and even better -learnt more about Autism and opened their heart and mind to some more differences. When someone posted picture of her kids volunteering in school for special need children, that where I thought- some time it is needed to put your thought in words for someone to read it, listen to it. It is OK to "expose" my family our struggles so someone somewhere might benefit from that.

Many of them just didnt wear blue they opened their world to some people who really need the goodness. some more acceptance and some more acknowledgement and some more thoughtfulness.
So even if it is not your cause, open your heart to something new, someone new.. thats what the Saree Pact taught me.

Amen to a better world..Thank you my friend, your thoughtfulness is whats that count..

Hindi Manch Sahitya Sammelan and Blue Saree - something for me something for Anand.

This entry is a part of #100SareePact blogseries on facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155435465545481&set=a.10155354247220481.1073741923.627150480&type=3&theater

#MomLovesAnand
#AutismAcceptance
#100sareepact
Saree no-#12
So this saree is a tribute to the love of family. I was in India in 2012 and was in love with auqa blue and so wanted a peacock saree. Offcourse I couldn’t find one. Later my sister Seema bought this saree in Chennai. It was not the aqua I was looking for but the whole saree was just right for me.

This saree is blue and I am wearing it in the month of April for Autism Awareness and acceptance month and that makes it special.

Anand was eight when we finally got the diagnosis. His comprehension wasn’t up to his age and it took us really long time to figure out. He was interested in art and music but language was just not his thing. It was a tough year for all us. We all were learning to deal with his strengths and weakness and trying to figure out the best for him. My sister Seema wrote to me – “this world needs artist and musician and good human being, we don’t need only doctors or engineer”.

My sisters Seema Varsha and Smita are my biggest strength. They learnt and read all about Autism and shower my son with their unconditional love.

Last Sunday I wore this saree to an event I was part of. I love being part of Hindi Manch. I was mcing and suddenly thought of my son. I got the love for literature from my parents and coulnot pass it on to my son. Made me sad for a bit but then this blue saree held me together.

So this saree didn’t come with the memory but made a memory.

My love for my son is beyond any color but here it is - A blue Saree in April for him.

This entry is a part of #100SareePact blogseries on facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155448220790481&set=a.10155354247220481.1073741923.627150480&type=3&theater

Saree No 14
#AutismAcceptance
#100Sareepact
#Gratitude
#MomLovesAnand
The Saree itself doesn't have any story, simple synthetic saree from my sister's closet.
But the story is - it is a BLUE saree.
Many of you know that my younger son is on Autism Spectrum. he is a great kid with his share of strength and weakness like all of us.
Words and emotion and social norm dont come easy to him but music and art are his thing. He could play piano by ears when he was young. He decided he doesnt want to bothered by practice everyday and the piano lesson stoped that day. But still he is my to go person for artist and songs and albums. you want to know anything about any Pink Floyd song, he is your guy.
I decided to wear all blue sarees in the month of April to raise awareness and accept him the way he is..
The Saree pact gave me a reason to take all the blue sarees out of my closet. I was in Hindi Manch Program last weekend and some one asked about Saree pact and many asked about my son. I have been wearing blue sarees and people start to notice it. If I wore blue shirt or Salwar Kurta I don't think anyone would have cared.
I took out this blue saree to go to a Musical Gathering last night and someone again said -ahha, another blue. How is Anand doing?
So ladies here is a big shout out to you all - thank you for sharing this journey with us.. with much love and gratitude.

Anand wearing Dad's glasses and having fun..

Story about Samta - a last blue saree for the Autism month - April

This entry is a part of #100SareePact blogseries on facebook.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155496785090481&set=a.10155354247220481.1073741923.627150480&type=1&theater

#‎AutismAcceptance‬
‪#‎100SareePact‬
‪#‎MomLovesAnand‬
‪#‎blueisthecolor‬
‪#‎autismspeaks‬

Saree No - 18
A blue and yellow combination for today.
This saree is a gift from my Chachi – Samta. She married papa’s youngest brother but for us she is just Samta Darling. She came to our family in a very dark time.
Papa’s younger brother was killed in an accident in 1986. He was in his thirties, left two daughters 5 and 1.The next year Chhote Chacha got married but our home wasn’t the same. It was a sad house; But Chhoti Chachi soon made it better and became our darling, always happy and smiling. She is a good chhoti bahu for family and a great friend and advisor for us. Even now when I go to India, her home is my adda in MP. She loves me, my boys and my husband just the way we are.. She still fulfils my wishes with mouthwatering Khaza, Gujhia, Hara chana or any leafy vegetables, the food I love. My chacha is a lucky man.Chachi darling I love u.

This is my last blue saree for Autism month. I am thankful to have you all in this journey with me.
Thank you very much to all of you for all your love.
Your unconditional love means a lot to us.
Anand was 8 when we formally got the diagnosis in 2008. Feb 2009 we went to India for my sister’s wedding and the reality struck me. No one in the family understood what Anand and we were going through. My sisters read and learnt a lot but Autism is a spectrum, so wide that there is no explanation for so many things. I was shocked to hear the suggestions and reasoning from many of our own families for his behavior and limitations.

So when I came back I started a blog to write about our life, to educate family and friends, to let them know that he is a kid with different skill set and thinking. His abilities are different than other kids in the family, his own brother. I needed to talk about our strength, happiness and struggles, good days and bad days. Please take time to read about him, us and Autism. You might be more considerate to others that would be the best thing.
MomLovesAnand.Blogspot.com
I wore this saree to office today,and Anand took my pic after I came from work.

Ajey and his college search

I grew up with many cousins and have many stories to share about that time. But one in particular pops up time to time.

Today on this rainy and gloomy day after reading Ajey’s face book post I felt weird and felt compelled to write. as a mom I want him to be happy and do what excites him but at the same time I want him to successful by his meanings and by society standard.

I am very close to all my cousins and today remind me of one in particular (who is 4 yrs older than me). I remember once we were talking about life we want. I was thinking I would want a simple, ordinary and traditional life and she was full of adventure and she would have loved the ups and downs of life. Fast-forward 20 years later she is living in a 100 miles area she grew up and went to school, living a typical life with her husband and two great kids. Having all her family around. And here I am continent away from all of them, living absolutely non-traditional and adventurous life.  My husband is such a different kind of man, a great husband and partner and kids are different thinkers. Our life and values don’t fit in a typical Indian or non-Indian style. Today’s ajey’s blog on facebook made me think. What do we do as parents to create such kids. I am a proud and worried mom today.
Next year this time he would be somewhere navigating his way around on his own, Hope he finds his path and achieve the success he wants not a traditional world.

Ajey - Oct 11th, 2014

I’m having an existential crisis about college. As I (haphazardly) vet colleges for curricula, research spots, and that mystical fog they call “school culture,” I keep asking myself: Is college worth hundreds of thousands in tuition? Is it worth the crushing stress I keep hearing about? Are my only two choices student debt and poverty?

Do I have to go to college?

Sure, college gives me an education. But I don’t need to pay $60,000 a year for that. There’s OpenCourseWare, Coursera, edX, and Khan Academy. I can learn multivariable calculus, mechatronics, cybersecurity, or whatever else my heart desires for free. I don’t have to endure cramped seats with near-useless desks. I don’t have to struggle not to sleep in an 8AM lecture. I don’t have to panic about missing material because I zoned out for a minute. I can learn whatever I want, whenever I want, with just the Internet and an open mind.

Oh, but then I can’t talk to professors! I can’t work in labs, where the real learning happens! Actually, I can. I can contact professors -- their emails are all online -- and ask for unpaid work in their labs. If I ask around enough, at least one person will say yes, no matter how inexperienced I am. I’ve done it, and I have a now-defunct college ID and some rudimentary coding experience to prove it. And eventually, after a few online courses and unpaid internships, some lab might actually pay me, thanks to something called “job experience.” Sure, the check would be small, but it would sure beat a tuition bill.

And no, I would not miss out on college life. I could still eat out, talk to people, go to clubs, and do...whatever else sociable people do. Dorms don’t have the monopoly on friendship. Campus centers don’t have locked doors. And frat parties probably don’t check for college IDs. Why should I drain my parents’ 401(k) to have a social life? Coffee shops abound, food is already inevitable, and no one turns down Super Smash Bros. And that’s all *I* need to find friends.

So the only reason left to attend college is, “You need that diploma.” But do I? I’m going into engineering, not medicine or academia. Instead of college, I could take lab work and side jobs, which would still give me the experience, skills, and contacts that would help me get a *real* job later on. Why get an embroidered piece of paper that says I can engineer when I can get a resume that says so instead? Employers won’t care about college after my first job, so why not replace college with real work?

Honestly, I could skip college and spend those four years as an educational nomad. I could jump between working in labs, moonlighting in retail, teaching remedial writing at a community college, contributing to a local magazine, learning Python or calculus online, making music, and simply observing the world. I would still get a solid education. I would still have a rigorous curriculum. And I would still set myself up for a solid career. But instead of walking out with a cloud of debt and vague memories of boring lectures, I would walk out with money in my pocket, real experience to build on, and the freedom that comes with being beholden to no one.

Which begs the question: Why am I still applying?

The canaries - a tale of inquisitive Ajey

Last night we watched “Zero Dark Thirty"

Ashish and I watched it in theaters but many a times watching at home helps and this was one of those movie. Ajey loves history so he sat with us too. My rule follower son Anand refused because it was rated R.

So we started movie and it took longer than its course. So many side references and we had to talk about it. Ajey was 4 when 9/11 happened but he amazed me with his knowledge. I know he is similar to me in many ways. ( though I am so glad he got his dad's Math and Science brain) we both love to read things which are useless and have nothing to do with us. Google and Wikipedia links have the power to take us anywhere. We both wander around and when we come back to reality we realize how much time we “wasted”. 

Last night was one of those reminders that it is never useless, we gain knowledge, it may seem useless at times but it is indeed some information.

So we were watching the movie and talking. He knew many details and events, but the most amazing detail for me was " the canaries" those were the special planes that took the seals to kill Osama Bin Laden.

And I just said why name them canaries- Ajey replied - the canneries are the bird used in coal mine to assess danger. If they stop chirping you get out. And we moved on to the movie. But this one thing got stuck with me. Those tiny little references, minor details they all have those Wikipedia, redit, twitter and face book stamps on them, he not only reads, he remembers and uses them when needed.

I know it might sound like I am bragging about my son. Please, believe me we had been through enough of fights when we both didn't agree on anything. We both thought the other one thinks I know nothing or I know everything and you don’t understand me :)

But this time I do think my 17 yrs old does know many things and I have no idea about them.

PS- People who are new to my blog - Usually I post about our life with Anand - my 14 yrs old son on Autism Spectrum. I feel Autism is what defines us as a family. Ajey is my older son, he is 17 (going on 40) and loves Math and Science, words are his strength. He wants to be an Engineer. Today I thought I should write about him here.

What does happy look like...

We lost a very dear friend 17 yrs ago, pain and memories faded but one of his statements is still stuck to me – "you plan 100 things but only 101st thing will happen. We can dream and imagine all we want but end would always be something different."

 My weekend trip to Boston with Anand was just a reminder of it. 

I spent my Friday with Ajey in NYC and thought I should spend my Saturday with Anand in Boston. As you know we cannot MAKE him do things, we had talked about it and planned. Things were OK till we reached train station. It was a beautiful Saturday and I was so looking forward to a nice day in Boston with him. All of sudden he just didn’t want to go. With the Aquarium pass and a train ticket in hand I just didn’t know what to do. I tried all my options, bribes and “if not” finally he gave up so he wouldn’t lose his videogame time.

A very dear friend just suggested me last week not to talk to him at all when he is angry, pacifying the situation with autistic kids is just not a good idea she mentioned. As train left the station I took a deep breath and just reminded myself to leave him alone for the next 3o minutes. He was very angry so sat on the other seat and just looked outside the whole time. I think that helped him, he loves the train.

Meanwhile I helped a tourist couple to find attractions in Boston and plan their trip, when we reached backbay he asked for Dunkin coolatta to “calm him down”. I told him we would help those guys to find the stop and then we can do whatever he wants. He agreed and I knew we are in a better place.

A large Coolatta was a blessing that day, he was much better and asked what is the plan for the day.

We sat outside the station and talked what we can do. The sun was shining and it was much happier by then. We talked, said sorry to each other and promised that we will have fun. And then one extraordinary day began; we went to Aquarium, spent time on Kennedy way and went to Hay market. That was the high light of my day. My son who hates shopping spent his 25 minutes shopping with mom and helped her carry the stuff. The next stop was Boston public library. He was HOME. He loved reading book for an hour and I was soaking in the happiness. I enjoyed just watching him and pondering what was going on just few hours ago in his mind. I had to remind him that it was time to catch the train back home and without a word he packed the book, stacked them in right shelves and picked up our bags to help me carry my stuff. We talked, laughed and decided we should do it again.. …a mom son time... I guess we will do it again without the meltdown .. 

and yes - the HAPPY looks like this -

The Meeting nightmare

We all, as a parent, wonder if we are doing the right thing.

We falter; stumble upon and many a times struggle if we are on the correct path. We do what is best for our kids, but we always question too if at all we are doing what we can to our maximum capacity? Can we do more?

We always meet parents who are doing lot more than us or sometimes we feel lot better ourselves compare to others. But we all know there is no right or wrong when it comes to parenting. It is custom made and for Special Parents it is doubly custom made. What is right today could completely go wrong tomorrow. And you question your own decisions and thoughts and rituals and feelings.

I am in that roller coaster ride these days.  Anand is almost 14 and it is a special number in Special Need world in Massachusetts. The transition services kick in. Basically you are planning a future for your child officially.

Now here I am visiting 100s of sites, meeting everyone I can, ask questions and read as much I can. Meanwhile job, cooking, laundry, home and social need of life still awaits you. You try to do everything and realize you are not doing it at all.

Its been going on for days and I wonder if at all I did the right thing for his special education all these years. Did I not research enough, did I not think it through, I could have taken him for  more therapies he needed, could have done more to see if he needed more help. I should have spent more time with him. I trusted his teachers for doing the right thing, let the school district find the best solution. For me they are the ones who know everything not me. I always felt they guided us in a right direction. He loves them and happy in school for the most part.

Then you meet other parents, listen to stories about fights for services and question your own decision.

We meet  for Anand’s transition meeting in couple of days and this time I am not going  the the way I used to go. I want to read more, learn more know more but this is making me so unhappy so uncomfortable. I feel sad and wrong that I am questioning what will happen tomorrow. And for me it is so heartbreaking. But looks like this is called parenting and for me it is the state of being indecisive.
But for now I will hold on to one - here is my inspiration and will keep me going ..
( Anand with his Science Project on Science Fair day in school)

Time to move on

Today I thought of writing about Ajey, my older son. “Time to move on” that's what he said and a part of me just couldn’t believe.
 He has been playing violin since he was 7+. It all stared in Third grade with Franklin String school then private classes and High School Repertory orchestra and many more fun playing. Since he moved to Math and Science Academy in his junior year we knew it will be a difficult balance but he managed till December. But his c term changed everything. We talked, tried and finally we realized that it would just not work. Violin is not a very forgiving instrument it is very demanding hobby. He just didn’t have that one extra hour or energy for violin every day. I still feel he could have done it but whom I was kidding with. He is almost 17, he would spend his hour chatting, facebooking and texting rather than violin. So this morning he said he cannot think of continuing his private lesson anymore and doesn’t want to do violin. He will still play for fun and make music but not structured class anymore. As a mom I knew that I couldn’t stretch anymore and have to respect but at the same time I was sad. I was always proud of his musical abilities. I never played any instrument but seeing him play was rewarding enough for me. But I guess I need to let him explore new world. He stared listening to Indian Music that should be enough to hold on for now. I hope he will be able to pickup somewhere in his life but for now mom will have to be happy with the memories. Time to move on my son, spread your wings and learn something new but don’t forget what you learnt and had. some times it is good to come back to that.

Photo of Ajey - Playing in Symphony Hall with his Repertory Orchestra last year. 

Where is my god and what is my religion?

When I thought of writing today I was not sure if I should write about this. But that’s all is going on in my mind. I am sure I am touching a very sensitive topic but please bear with me, because if I cannot speak what I feel, or if I worry that my friends will judge me what is point in telling my story to you anyway.

I stopped writing few months ago thinking it was becoming my monologue about our life. I got few emails and messages asking about my next blog and I conveniently ignored it. I thought my main purpose was to let my close friends and families know about our journey, was it really helpful? During my recent trip to India I realized that many of the people around us see “Anand and Autism” just a tiny part of our life. I couldn’t explain to them that it IS our life now. Our life revolves around that and nothing matters more than our kids.

Anyway, those discussions are topic of another blog. Today it is all about God and religion. I have given many advices from medicines to prayers to fasting to charity and do many more things to ”cure” Anand. I am sure many thinks that its all god’s plan. But here I am, thinking where is GOD in this plan?

I was born in a religious Hindu family; my dad is very strong believer of dharma. I grew up having all festivals, rituals, prayers, mantra and sholkas but did I really believe in those? I guess not. I questioned those believes many a times. Having been married to an agnostic for a long time  I think I started thinking like him. So when I am having days like today I go back to the original thinking – Why us. (http://momlovesanand.blogspot.com/2012/10/it-could-be-worse.html)

Today I was reading about the book "The Secret" and "Laws of Attraction". 

The article talked about faith and believing in the positives. But somehow I feel like questioning. What kind of faith and what kind of God. All these years I did ask those question, went through many cycles of emotions. I didn’t find any answer or comfort but figured what I needed to know. God or no god.. I guess motherhood is my religion now.

13 is just a number

Many phone calls and emails on July 16th wanted one person who was turning 13 that day. That one silly, cute, handsome, goofy, funny, young man was taking it all in. I have been telling him that he is a teen now and growing big and that means more responsibilities and chores. I said, I will teach him to do the laundry now. He brother was very excited thinking his has someone to share his work and here comes the reply – mom 13 is just a number :)

Anand’s Bday is always a bitter sweet day for me. I am proud and happy to see him grow and learn new things. But at the same time I feel sad seeing him miss age appropriate milestone. I wrote – “It could be worse” but most of the time I feel why did it turn this way. Why do I have to feel this way?  Why couldn’t I just celebrate the 13^th Bday with a teen with teen tantrum? All he wanted was a dinner at Taco bell. Really? That’s all? Nothing else. No cake, no party just taco’s - only from taco bell.  We took him for ice-cream but that was not in the list.

Anand went to an overnight camp. I had to bribe him with some DS games so he would atleast try the camp. He got those games last weekend, So there wasn’t any game in the Bday wish list either. How I wish he had endless wish list like a teen.

But for him 13 is just a number. For me again it’s reminder to celebrate the good I got and work on things which we can improve and move on with what we don’t have.. Thank you Anand, you are right, 13 is just a number..