Walking into a meeting totally unprepared.. and you come out .. just happy beyond words.

It was one of those rare incidents when I didn’t know what to prepare for this meeting. I have never found myself so clueless, didn’t have any plans as to what to ask and specifics to talk about. All I walked in with was one wish, a little information session for moms about DDS.(Department of Developmental Services )
A drive from Quincy to the DDS office in South Boston, the drive so awaited and beautiful. I had thought I would stop and sit on a bench overlooking the lake for 15 minutes before I drove in, have been meaning to do that every time I cross Rt 3 Malibu beach area in Dorchester, but rain made me change my plan. A rainy afternoon and a weird mood swing, I just drove not knowing what to expect. While parking I noticed the very French restaurant I so wanted to visit  in South Boston and made a mental note of stopping there after my meeting.
The garage guy told me it would cost me $7 for two hours and I thought even though I am early I would still have at least 30-40 minute at the restaurant. A glass of wine would be nice before the long ride home.
I walked in and was pleasantly surprised with the office atmosphere. The decor was very pleasing and calming. Somehow it just made me feel welcomed. Soon I was asked to come into the meeting room. I was to meet DDS commissioner Jane Ryder. I had met her last year in a federation conference. Not sure if it was my work or my saree but she could recognize me when we met this year again on April 2nd at the Massachusetts State House. . Again the blue saree started the conversation.

Today I was to meet her and her team to get some help for my Moms Network. I assumed that I would be there for 30 minutes but once we started talking there was no stopping. I forgot that I was in the room with 3 top DDS people, all I noticed were people who wanted to help, were eager to know more about us and ready to find the best way to find the best solutions and provide the help DDS offered. After so many stories and conversations she actually gave me way more than I had expected. I was expecting one speaker for one of the dinners I organize for the Moms for an hour or so, but she offered beyond that. They all were so empathetic and willing to help us and make our life easier. I shared pictures of my boys, shared stories from Moms network, gave them a glimpse of our culture and upbringing and our own struggle to get over the disappointments we all have in our life.

Jane has a brother with needs, actually that’s what I remembered from her speech in that conference.  For me the sister in her will always be more powerful and appealing than the commissioner in her. Her Deputy- Elizabeth and Director of Family Support - Margaret were so supportive and full of ideas. With the 3 of them around,I felt so heard and appreciated. They were very kind not only to provide the education and support but space as well to host the information session. 

I so wanted to be mindful of their time but they were very patient, welcoming and attentive listeners . I wrapped up way later than my allotted time, thanked them and took a picture with Jane and Elizabeth. Walking out of that building I could feel nothing but gratitude and just pure happiness. I was so excited and happy that just wanted to drive back home. Gaslight dinner and wine could wait for another trip. On my way home I couldn't wait to share all the details with Ashish. When I walked in after a very long and rainy drive I was glad I skipped the french dinner as I come back to a home made Indian dinner with white wine waiting for me. Sometimes it is wonderful to be treated as a queen when you live with 3 men.

Today its all about #lifeisgood #gratitude #thankfulness

 Standing next to Jane I so missed my village, Please know each one of you were in my mind.

Elizabeth Morse - Deputy Commissioner DDS she is working on making it easier for families to access services. Missed having Margret in our picture. Elizabeth and M both took notes while listening to our stories.I didn't care how I looked after a long day but the happiness is my make up for this picture.

The first meet in Federation conference March 2018

  And then we met again in April 2019 at state house. Thank you for your time Ms Ryder. 

Gaslight, I will be back soon, last night it was worth coming back home too. flowers and food from a friend and wine from the man. I couldn't have asked for anything better  even after long drive back home which I enjoyed, the phone calls to some moms and friends helped me ignore the crazy traffic.

Lessons Learned from a Parent's Journey

Pouring rain, accidents and evening traffic and a totally new road.. Nothing mattered that evening. It took me two hours to reach J’s home in Methuen and I was more than grateful to finally get there. A dear friend,  who moved miles away from Franklin recently. Hot food, nice tea and a friendly hug welcomed me and all that agony of driving vanished just like that.  Now all I remember is the comfort I felt.  Nice south Indian food and I was ready to be “Anand’s mom”. Changed really quickly in a saree and I was ready for the evening.
As I drove to North Andover library,  all of  a sudden my mind was clogged with what ifs. There were parents coming to hear me, what if I wasn’t what they expected. It was not a great evening to be out and about. And on top of that it was Monday, a gloomy, dark and rainy Monday. I called Ashish as I usually do when I am all over the place. I didn’t say anything about my mental state, just talked about kids and dinner but that was just enough for me. Drive safe he said and I was so ready. I knew I was late, I was planning to be there earlier than 7 PM but I just couldn’t, by the time I parked and went in it was 7.05. The Indian lady was arriving at Indian standard time as we say in India. I was feeling bad for the host already. She had to hold the fort for me.
Once I walked in I knew why I was there, every worry took a back seat and I was there to share my knowledge,  my mistakes and provide any suggestions I could. We introduced ourselves and the conversation started and soon I forgot I was worried about what to say. I could feel that the audience was engaged and connected. I got to know a lot more about parenting from them than I was able to share my knowledge. Parents, no matter where they live or what they do for a living, inside they are all the same and have just one wish – do the best for their kids. After 90 minutes of deep conversations, questions and answers and brain storming we all said our good byes. But we knew we could have continued that conversation for another couple of hours if the library wasn’t closing. I met some incredible parents and I was happy to assure them they were doing whatever they could, they are certainly not alone and yes there is light at the end of the tunnel. On my way back home I called my mom. The easy conversation with her relaxed my edgy mind and I was ready for another wonderful sunrise the next morning.

And I was in my element. R, the host reached out to me few weeks ago, She was amazing in designing the poster. She worked hard and came up with this interview style format. Thank you Radhika, It was an amzing experience.

The poster..

J’s beautiful kitchen and array of dishes. She and her Mother in law cooked. Sometimes love looks like this

All ready to get the show on the road 

And my lesson learned- You don’t know what is inside a person.. Anand’s pic from 2015, his shirt says – “You don’t know me” How appropriate.

A Gala - to support who support our loved once.- Triangle Inc.

After a very long day I was just not sure if it was the right thing to do. When I was packing last night for today’s event, I was certain about a blue saree but packed a dress too just in case. I leave home very early when I go to work and after an hour and half of commute and a full day at work , when I got out at 4, I wasn’t sure about my choice of attire for the evening. A dear friend graciously offered her place to change and a nice cup of tea. I think it was that tea which helped me bounce back to my usual self and I was ready to rock in that beautiful blue saree.
It was Triangle Inc.’s 48th annual award ceremony and fundraiser. John F Kennedy museum and library was a beautiful venue on a perfect day for a wonderful cause.

Triangle’s moto is “Employment. Empowerment. Independence. Our services help individuals with disabilities to find careers, become self-advocates, and live independently”. I didn’t know much about them until last week. State Street supports many organizations and had a table at the event. I decided to join the team and I am so glad I did. I knew that it would be a very long day but it was well worth every minute I spent there.
The venue, food, people, cause and wine – a perfect mix for a great evening. The Mayor of Malden was honored as a Disability Advocate of the year and the Speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives Robert DeLeo was honored as the Public Official of the year. Listening to what they did and do was a moving thing for a mother. I was very impressed with everyone honored at the event. Knowing what Triangle does was another highlight of the night. I cannot wait to explore the same and share with the Moms Network. I spent my time talking about Anand, Indian families, being a mother and Moms Network. Connected with so many people who promised to help us in a variety of ways.
 My saree was a show stopper for sure. Only Indian woman in the room and on top of that in a saree. I couldn’t have picked a more dramatic attire for the event. I was complimented over and over again and I sure did enjoy that. Many pictures, questions and compliments later I got a chance to take a picture with Speaker Robert DeLeo.
I am still a worried mom but happy to know that there are many out there working tirelessly to make life better for my son and many more.

Please visit them and donate..

https://triangle-inc.org

The generous and fabulous crowd

Robert DeLeo, The Speaker of the house of representative of Mass. Such an honor to be in the picture with a true friend of our community.

Lot of pictures I am sure it wasn’t me it was the saree

Fantastic group for state street folks.

Some of the Triangle Staff, so curious about saree, Moms Network, India and all about our culture and disability, cannot wait to have some meaningful interactions with them

 The beautiful backdrop of JFK library and museum. I wish I had come out to take the picture before the sunset. 

I glittery saree, a gift from a friend and last night It was such a perfect choice for a  beautiful night.

a new journey a new experience .

While driving Anand to his class I was taken back to my own memories of college. I went to school in a very small town in MP and couldn’t go away for higher education so from elementary school to college,  my life was shaped in such a “Balaghati” way.
Then 2 decades later I went to college here in Franklin , again a small college in a close-knit town. I took evening classes while working full time so it was not a perfect college education but for me it was an experience in itself. “Continuing Education” was the name of department that conducted the evening classes. It was a better way of saying adult education.
College was always in our mind for Anand, how and when and where came later. But we wanted him to have that experience regardless.
Finally we could put that plan in action this spring semester with Mass Bay community college. Apprehensions and anxiety were part of the game. The session started and Anand seemed to like it. I, as usual don’t get much information and decided to let him handle his schedule and details. A protective mom had to take a step back so he could learn.
It’s been hard not being part of this experience and I feel so helpless knowing very well I have to do this for him. A thought came to my mind to log in and check the status of his homework and what are they teaching in the class. But in the end I couldn’t do it as I am the one who wants an independent son : ) and failing is part of being independent and growing up. He is taking one class this semester, attends class twice a week and seems excited about it. He does his homework and keeps his dad posted.
His first day Dad took him to class but it was Anand who asked and figured out his class and room, went in and talk to his professor. I on the other hand was so restless because neither of them would give me the minute by minute details . The details I so wanted. Soon we got used to his routine.  For the last 3 months, he  has been going early to Mass Bay, waits for an hour for his class and then goes back to Accept (his program),twice a week. I was a worried mom for a couple of week. During the school vacation week I had to take him to his class. I was instructed where to park and shown the way to a waiting area, where I worked for the hour he was in class. I so wanted to talk to his teacher and see the classroom and meet his classmates but as a good mom I respected his wish and kept my nose out of his business, atleast this once.
I ask once in a while about his course and get some responses depending on his mood. One day he told me they would start Excel once they finish Microsoft Word. I quietly mentioned that that’s what I do at work, use excel all the time. The look on his face and shine in his eyes were the best sight of the day, soon they disappeared when I said I could help him with homework. “I will be fine” was the response to that.
This week, he is working on his final project, next week final exam and we are done with his first college class. It has been an amazing journey so far. But at this point I am so ready to move past that and look forward to something exciting.

The morning ritual.. get ready and enjoy the iPad while  waiting for the transport 

        ◦       

      The first day picture.. not a chance .. Mom is happy with backpack picture.

Busy with one of the assignment

 The waiting area..

Article published by India New England..April 2nd 2019

Autism Mom Recounts Her Journey, Urges People to Wear Blue on Tuesday to Mark World Autism Awareness Day

By Jaya Pandey

BOSTON–Since I started blogging about my journey as an Autism Mom, I have seen my world changing. Friends and family have been very supportive and have tried their best to understand our different worlds. The journey from “I am so sorry” to “what can we do” is very heart warming. It was a wild and scary experience to share our world with everyone but that was necessary at that time.

We have allowed families and friends to have a peek of our wonderful, different, sometimes crazy and fun world. In doing so we have felt empowered and vulnerable at the same time. I started blogging so that our families back home could understand our life; little did I know that It will become a voice of many others.

Today it has become a way to not only know our lives but also to get a glimpse of many special need lives. One thing that I am proud of is the question – “How can we help” not only applies to Pandeys but to any family with special need kids.

April 2nd is around the corner and I thought that is the perfect time to write about what it means to have a friend who understands and want to be with us as part of our journey.

So first of all please wear Blue on April 2nd.

April is Autism Awareness Month and April 2nd is World Autism Awareness Day designated by the United Nations General Assembly in 2008. “Autism Speaks”started a campaign called  “light up blue.” (They asked everyone to go blue – a light on your porch or wear blue) I personally don’t agree with many of the Autism Speaks philosophy but still I use the color blue to draw attention to Autism Awareness. In my mind this “blue” has nothing to do with gender of the kid on spectrum. For me it represents the family with different needs.

So it’s OK if you don’t want to light up blue but please wear Blue on April 2nd to show your support to our not so fortunate families.

Our kids are our world, with or without their needs. To make the world better for them and for us we need families who believe in them, give them a loving home, support them in any possible way one can, help them fulfil their dreams and treat them with dignity they deserve. Give them a chance to thrive and be independent. Every kid deserves that and all of us as a society owe that to the new generation.

When it comes to special need families, we tend to forget that all of above is true for them too. Those families need all the support and love too. So please help everyone in need.

Over the years I have learnt a lot from both sides, families with kids and their friends. Many a times friends feel the pain and understand but don’t know how to help. At the same times families hesitate to ask for help and feel they need to do everything on their own.

Today I thought I should reach out to all of you, families and friends. We really need to redefine “’A friend in need is a friend indeed’” There are few things we all have to keep in mind when reaching out. Do it if you really want to be a friend and not because you want to do “something good for the society.’ Monitory donation are different from a desire to be part of your friend’s  life. You really need to “feel” it. Stop reading if it is not something for you. But if you really want to be a part of their world then there are few things you can do.

Be there, be present, sometimes we special families just need an ear, may be a cup of tea or just a judgement free zone. A friend  invited us for dinner, for the first time to their home. A new, gorgeous, and huge home. All Anand wanted was to “see” the house. We were made sit with a glass of wine and the host walked all over the house with Anand to give him a tour. I think that one night that family earned a special place in my heart.

Ask – how can you help? There are many innovative ways to show you value them in your life and cherish their friendship. They are not alone in this. Sometime cook something, buy groceries, a bunch of flower or a simple phone call or text can make a difference. A friend makes chickpeas for Anand. He loves her cooking and when she cooks I don’t have to worry about at least four of his next meals. I can cook and eat things he doesn’t like. So many times friends have dropped off his favorite food just for no reason.

Invite them to your home, and even though they refuse every time continue to still invite them. That makes them feel included. Now most of our friends know we are not a party family and so they do a small gathering with 2-3 families that  we enjoy. How wonderful to have those around you invite you because they want to. My friends keep a room for Anand for his quite time, Ask what makes Anand comfortable, what will he eat.

I have been to friends who will stack up their fridge with blueberries, strawberries and ice cream for Anand.

As a mom, I don’t want to hear all the time how strong I am or how I do it.. to be honest we all do in our own way. Parenting is hard no matter what. Please allow them to fall apart in front of you. Give them the comfort of feeling weak, cry and make them feel cared for and pampered. No one is perfect and its ok. When my anxiety gets the best of me. I drive to them just to have a tea, talk and breakdown. I come back stronger and better. Many a times my friends have driven down to see me for a cup of tea because they felt like it.

But most of all include the kids in as many ways as you can, take them out for a dinner, or a play date, buy a gift for them, or just sit down with them to check on them. Moms feels loved, valued and appreciated when you care for their kids along with them.

So be a friend, make a phone call, send a text that you want to be their “real” friend and please wear Blue for me on April 2nd. Show me you care.

(Jaya Pandey is founder of Mom’s Network, a group of mothers that spreads awareness regarding autism and supports moms with special needs children.)

Thank you India New England ..Original post here.

Original Post

https://indianewengland.com/2019/04/autism-mom-recounts-her-journey-urges-people-to-wear-blue-on-tuesday-to-mark-world-autism-awareness-day/

One person at a time - Thats what April 2nd and Autism Awareness means.

April 1st , 10 PM. Posted on April 2nd. 

He pulls his chair towards me and looks into my eyes and asks – Explain to me what is Autism?
I think this was the best thing that happened to me today. I educated one person to know the special needs world in a better way.
As the last week of March approached I wanted to write more about what Awareness means to us. I printed some fliers and my manager offered to share them with a bigger audience. I printed some posters and posted in the kitchen area on all 8 floors at work. It was last week and I wasn’t even sure if anyone would look into them.
Today being a Monday brings a whole different perspective in life. It was a beautiful sunny day, Husband worked from home so I drove, so unusual for Monday. Instead of taking my morning nap I was stuck in the car for longer than usual. A terrible car accident made sure I stayed on the road longer. After usual phone calls to sisters and parents I still had time to plan my day. I wanted to do more than just posting that notice for Autism Awareness day. Somehow, I thought what I did wasn’t working. I needed to do something better.
It was a crazy work day but I still managed to execute my plan. The wonderful security guard agreed that I could post some in the corridor area. She is the first one I encounter every day at work, she is the first good morning for me. She is the one who notices first when I wear a saree. She said unfortunately I cannot wear blue, must wear my uniform but I will wear blue earrings may be. Such a nice gesture, cannot wait to see her tomorrow.
After lunch I went to each and every floor with tape and poster in my hand. I walked out of the elevator and pasted one above the elevator ring and walked back in. People were observing. It was on the fourth floor a girl, an Indian girl asked me why I was posting those signs. What is it about. I told her about Anand and the reason I am doing it. She smiled and said, never knew but now I will wear blue tomorrow. I said don’t wear unless you mean it so please read about awareness and acceptance. Her reassuring smile and words were very comforting knowing I did make a difference in one person’s mind.
I walked back to my desk thinking of sending a reminder. I took my manager’s email and added Anand’s and my picture with a note. Before I knew I had some emails in my inbox. People who don’t know me shared their stories, some admired my note, some asked questions but most pledged to wear blue tomorrow.
And then all of sudden, “S” asked about Autism. S and I have been working together for the last 8 months, we sit next to each other so we are aware of the day to day happenings in our lives through various conversations. He is from Eritrea and we both share many immigrant traits. He had many Indian teachers growing up and remembers some Indian stuff. His curiosity to know more about Autism was heartwarming. I explained to him the not so usual life we lead, about the joys and the happiness and the heartbreak and the difficulties we share. I hope I made some sense, but more than that I educated him and it will make a difference in someone else’s life.
I call it a night knowing I answered a few questions, educated someone, connected to a few I wouldn’t have otherwise. I am smiling looking at my blue saree ready to be draped tomorrow knowing fully well I will not be alone..
Stay tuned for next story..A day of blue..

My talented nephew Sushen designed this for me .. A cousin's love..

First floor elevator, I am sure few stoped and read and few didn't bother.

A chettinad cotton Saree, waited so long finally ready to be drapped. 

Sometimes I wonder if I didnt wear the saree on that Sunny April 2nd in 2015.. That one day changed what saree means to me now..

Gratitude ..a token of love in various forms..

People walk into your life for some reason. They bring respect, friendship, love, reason, sense, stability, storm, emotion, passion, motivation, anger, regrets, sadness and tears. Then we decide on what we want to continue with. We let go some and we hold on to some. Some let go of us and some hold on to us. Very late last night I was sipping my tea and going through the memories of this week. My Birthday became a celebration of all of above. So many memories cloud my mind as I type this. My son’s text this morning made me stop and rethink and write about some from my life.

K walked in as a reminder of these emotions last night. Just a quick text 15 mins ago – “are you home right now” and before I could ask further question she disappeared from whats app. I was making my chai in kitchen and here she was, walking in with a bag. Birth day gift for you she said and handed over to me with a hug. Freshly made “paniyaram” and rasmalai. 

K is not my everyday call friend or we don’t interact each other often but she has a very important place in my life. She is somehow connected to one of the biggest passion is my life. Jagjit Singh. She is the reason I can drive anywhere and she is the reason I offer rides to anyone without second thought.

April 19^th, 2009 Jagjit Singh Concert. I went with 2 other friends, took the train from Franklin, leaving kids with dads, hoping we can take last train back from the city. Soon we realized the concert will go beyond the last train. We were thinking if we have to ask one of the husband to come and pick us up in the city. During interval, we met K and she was like I drove alone I will take you back. We were just living in the same town that’s all, hardly knew each other. Jagjit Singh took us to some other world that night and I am so glad I was there to listen to him. That was his last concert in Boston. I clearly remember that spring night K driving us through Rt 9 then 95 and then back to Franklin. That one night changed my life in so many ways. I fell in love deeper and deeper with the man, made some memories and got inspired to drive everywhere regardless of time of the day. Years ago, Viba inspired me to drive on highways, long distance without having husband on passenger seat, K made me a city driver. Her influence on me that night remained with me. When I met her cousin in a wedding in Vizag coincidently that was the first story I told him. Kavitha is fierce, funny, smart and very diverse person but it’s her unexpected kindness last night which will remain with me for a longest time. Last night again I felt the love and kindness around me. A cousin asked if I had a great day, It’s been a celebration of love and kindness for days not just a day. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for people in my life. Please know you are loved, respected, valued and appreciated. The flowers on my counter are constant reminder of freshness and aroma love brings in our life. They represent you all. This morning I touch them with fondness and thank the universe for your presence in my life.

Couldn't ask for more in life..

Friends celebrating my day.. years of tradition.. cannot imagine my sanity and life without them. Thank you Divya, Viba and Farida for not giving up on me.

                                         The Rasmalai - inspired me to write about you all. 

I am not a flower woman but I guess there are many things about me i didnt know about.. 

Blessing comes in form of a hot tea and not fighting when moms takes a picture. Human form of a blessing..

After a wonderful trip to India Ashish walks in. Ajey drove him back from Airport. 

Blessing comes in Happy traveler and driver forms too.

Gratitude.. Thank you for such a wonderful day.

I couldn’t have asked for a better celebration and before calling it a night I had to count my blessings.

First of all, I want to thank each one of you for those countless msgs, mails, phone calls. I am so far behind in reading and replying. Still have to listen to all those voicemails on my phone. 

My day started with a beautiful morning and Bday hug from Anand, followed by India calls and text msgs. While I was getting ready for work a friend asked who goes for work on bday. I am so glad I went Jit wouldnt have been the same otherwise. Even if I have asked Ashish for a day off it would have been a different day. Not any interesting movie, or something fun to do. Also he would have been bored out of his mind with those 100s of phone calls and text msg notifications ; )

I stayed up late last night reading and responding emails and enjoyed my morning nap in the car. As one of my coworker asked if Ashish’s didn’t ask me to take a day off and go for movie or lunch with him. I responded that he did better, he drove while I took my morning nap : ) in the car. I was treated with breakfast and driven to work..

A beautiful gold fulkari was a saree of the day. I loved being complimented and people asking about my saree. It was a beautiful sunny day. A beautiful card from my team was just a reminder of goodness around. But surprise awaits in many forms. Ashish’s team had a cake celebration for me. I am in awe that he works with such wonderful people.

Whole day it was all about phone calls and msgs.  A wonderful friend kept the tea ready on my way back home. A short visit that’s all I could manage but it was wonderful time. She dropped me at the restaurant I was to meet Anand and Ashish for dinner. As soon as I walked I realized something wasn’t right. Anand wasn’t happy. We had this talk last night about this being my day and I should pick the restaurant and he agreed. I chose Indian so he will have his fav chhole and naan and we all would be happy. Who knew Taco Bell next door can change everything you planned. Thank goodness for guest wifi in the Indian place, he was little busy and then ate Chhole and Naan. It just takes a second for everything to go downhill. For a change, it was not that bad. Mom did deserve the celebration on her day. 

Everything today was a reminder how lucky I am. From chef coming out to check my saree, complimenting and cooking my fav dish and then celebrating my day with complimentary rasmalai..I still have to read so many of text and Whats app msgs but whatever I read I know I am blessed and these wishes work wonder. I am going to bed another year older but wiser and smarter and filled with gratitude. Please know my world is beautiful because you are in it.

A fulkari - a gift from my parents. While shopping in Amritsar somehow I just didn't like anything, the shop had so many sarees with designs and all fashion add on but somehow I couldn't find me in there. Finally my dad came to rescue and helped me pick this saree. It looked so dull in that bright colored mountain of sarees and dupattas but today it was just perfect..

Google decided to wish me too.

 A Bday celebration from my "extended" family ..A cake, some slides and songs.. 

 A tea was in the menu but you cannot say no to Halwa if it is your Bday, right? Thank you for celebrating my day better than I do..

The dinner was a reminder that we are getting old. Food was fabulous but we both couldn't eat much. but the Indian beer made up for the fun. Anand on the other hand had great time with wifi, chile and Naan..

Ajey you were missed.

and no-one has ever said NO to dessert on Bday,

Moms - the connection and support.. what will I do without them around..

I love going out with fellow moms and enjoy “me” time. Usually boys are happy with this arrangement too, they get to have their own time.

Tonight, it was little different, hubby got back from India 2 days ago, leaving him on Friday night wasn’t easy and boys were not having the best of Friday either. I was debating but thought I wouldn’t be much helpful. I don’t do very well when things are not going well, they need their composed and calm dad not the hyper mother.

An organization hosts Moms Night out in 6-7 weeks on a Friday night.  A good 40 miles’ drive can change your plan just like that. I couldn’t make it for a long time. But I decided to go tonight and all of sudden by evening things were not looking great. Husband assured he got things under control and I should go.

Drive felt so long but once I reached there I was in totally different world. The moms come together to share much more than their or kid’s life story. They can really joke around, laugh and uplift each other’s spirit and I think that’s the moms night out is all about. I have been there couple of time so knew couple of moms and met some new ones. While talking about Indian Moms Network I mentioned the need of rotating venue and finding a new place, one of them suggested a place, called “Social” in Newton. Coincidently it was just a half mile away from this venue. The power of goodwill and network. Just like that I had a venue for upcoming Moms Dinner. It was fabulous night to forget the “not so happy” things and focus on “can do’s” and support and optimism and hope. On the way back, I decided to check this new place. And I am so glad I did. The event manager Danie was awesome, she was very kind to give me a tour, offer the moms free parking and not charge any fee for booking the private room. And Just like that the night turned around on a happier note. On the way, back home I was a happy woman thinking how wonderful the world is. That’s what these get together do to our mental health, makes us happy, hopeful, motivate us to think outside of the box. And make us resourceful too :  )

 welcome to our world..

some day I will be able to post right picture not just food.. to show what these moms meetup do to us..

 I am so excited about our new Venue. please help us find more places so moms dont have to drive too far.

  I couldn't stop imaging this place full of jokes, laughter and love.

To be or not to be.. What kind of parent Would you want to be???

Right after I finished my masters with Chemistry I started teaching Grades  11th and 12th. I was 20, young, passionate, fun and skinny..(which has anything to do with being a good teacher) but I was told I was good. I understood chemistry better in those years than going to school but more than just the subject knowledge I think it was my enthusiasm and passion which made me a better teacher. Soon Ashish changed the whole world for me and instead of career in teaching or working I happily moved on to the role of motherhood, thinking  that it was the natural progression of life, and that’s what I was suppose to be.
Being a young mom was fun. Ajey made it worthwhile. A beautiful city, wonderful weather, comfort and first stay outside India – Singapore made motherhood so much fun. Next we moved to United States and Anand joined his brother. Soon I realized I was everything but a traditional mom, I wasn’t MADE to be just a mom. I look back and feel bad that my boys didn’t have the idealist mother. I was a fun teacher but I could never enjoy reading stories to the kids or teaching them math or reading. The “Jump Start” CDs did that for me. They both could read before they started first grade. I did read to them sometimes but it wasn’t my passion. I made many delicious meals for them, took them all over the place, drove them to every possible place, and gave them all kinds of experiences. They have been to so many places that I cannot even count, listened  to various kind of music and were introduced to cuisine from all over the world but their mother was nowhere close to that wonderful mother who did maths with them, and helped them with homework unless it was absolutely necessary. Their projects were never the best in the class, and it’s funny that it didn’t bother me at all.
Over the years my circle grew and I made some wonderful friends. They taught me so many things. And I was horrified learning how I had failed my boys when it comes to homework or studies. I have seen the world stopping for parents when kids have exams, how devoted moms  and dads can be and how important the good grades are not only for kids but for the parents too. I so wonder how come I couldn't be that mom.
Ashish and I never were in money or position race so our kids naturally are away from that “ambition in life” philosophy. But sometimes I wonder was it right? We wanted out kids to be happy but didn’t teach them or push them enough to be successful. Ajey never went to Russian math, Kumon or SAT class but I cannot be prouder of the man he is today. Anand’s resilience, perseverance and ability to pull through all negativity amaze me every day.
Tonight is one of the nights, a dear friend asked us to join them for dinner and last minute I remember that Anand had a class assignment for tomorrow. I asked him about his homework and all hell broke loose. He just froze and things fell apart. He hasn’t even thought about his three page paper due tomorrow. Oh my! All of sudden our household was upside down. The emotional breakdown was too difficult to handle. Ashish is away in India and having Ajey home was life saver. I so regretted not being a “homework support” mom. Somehow I just don’t know how to sit next to my kid and make him do stuff. I can cook, clean and do everything else, provide them resources but just cannot sit with him and make him do his homework. It was such a terrible feeling and nothing could save me from the guilt of failure. Ajey came to the rescue and we decided to deal with it one step at a time. It’s been two hours and we all are sitting at the dining table. Ajey and Anand watched video’s about the topic and are discussing and writing. After feeding the boys, this “don’t know what to do mom” has done two loads of laundry, has changed the sheets, read something (have no idea what she read) cleaned the kitchen and finally decided to pour her heart out on a key board. Paper is coming along OK, Its 9 PM, usually bed time for Anand but  I could convince him that once in a while it’s OK to stay up late for work. I am off to heat some milk and cut some fruit for the kid while thinking if only I could have these friends 20+ years ago so my kids could have had a better mother who could help them with homework.

With Ajey's guidance and mom's suggestion Anand started to research all about Tesla, 

 I don't think he had any idea how much work goes into a paper. earlier I thought we could do the paper and still go for dinner. Soon I realize it will be a long night. The left overs came out.

He was in much better shape after an hour. was paying attention to the topic, 

10 PM so unusual for Anand to be up this late on week night, Tonight he learnt some day you don't get to go to bed on time.