What is your fav kind of music and what it does to you?

Mr Husband decided to take a break and went away to see some friend and I got to spend a night on my own.  It was such a strange feeling to spend the night alone at home for the first time ever. The first born decided to come home that night to give me company.

We ate, drank and talked and talked and then decided to watch a movie. That is so not us - but somedays are just like that. You do what you are not meant to. 

The weekend began with a bang. I was out for a music meet on Friday and it was wonderful to have  apt audience. I was telling Ajey about the Ghazal I recited on Friday.

My kids grew up listening ghazals. Ajey may not understand the words/meaning but he gets the essence. And the whole conversation about music turned into music in India. So we watched Bohemian Rhapsody, a movie about the Band “Queen” Freddie Mercury -- the lead singer of Queen grew up in India and was way beyond of his time in every aspect.

Next morning while making our breakfast I was listening to Jagjit Singh and he noticed how sitar and saxophones in such harmony.

It was the album “Beyond Time” by Jagjit Singh and after our breakfast we watched an interview - Jagjit SIngh’s sound engineer Daman Sood and then we switched to another interview - Kuldeep Desai’s . He was JS’s manager for over 25 yrs.

This was absolute wonderful time of my life- Ajey and I , talking/eating  and talking about my favorite Singer and Ghazal. 

Ajey noticed and pointed how brilliant composer JS was. I always knew and talked about it but hearing from son in so many minute details was amazing. How JS used instrument and techniques way beyond his time, how he combines not only eastern and westerns instruments but the style and techniques. He decided to learn more about words in the Ghazlas and understand them better.

This weekend was memorable in many ways, Now I know I have another Jagjit Singh fan in the house. The 24 yrs worth of wait ( or should I say 25? I have listened to Ghazals when I was expecting him too) - finally its here :) 

My children - my world, my pride and inspiration

 The Pandeys socialized like anything last weekend. Diwali at home, then dinner next day at a friend’s , next day in Boston and a lunch on Sunday as well as another moms dinner meetup.  It was a beautiful weekend in Boston, some of the unusually warm days in November, not that I am complaining.  Ajey, my first born , had as difficult a time as everyone else. A 23 year old stuck at home with parents and a brother, working from home. We survived the time with whatever tools we had in hand. Ajey worked and also wrote a RPG game in his spare time. He made a good chunk of money with that kickstarter. This August he moved to Boston and started living on his own. I was worried but happy for him. My son had to handle all this expenses, household chores, work and responsibilities. He has a good  head on his shoulders so I was kind of ready for him to be on his own.

So my son spent his “extra” money on a watch, a very good, mechanical, German  watch. He was going to pick it up on Saturday and mom decided to tag along and dragged dad too. So we went with him, not knowing anything about the watch or the shop.

Watching him dealing with all the formalities was a real joy. I won’t write much about it but it was interesting to see how he makes decisions on his own with his own logic. Do I agree all the time? No. Do I see the logic behind his thought process - some time yes, sometime no. But I remind myself that at his age I was married, had taken one of the biggest decisions of my life. I at least enjoyed walking around Newbury street and a coffee after the shopping felt celebratory enough. I decided to document my pride and joy to remind  myself that he is a grown man and will do whatever he makes up his mind to. I need to stand by and let him learn. After all his mother didn’t listen to anyone when she was 24 :)

A simple silk bought in 15 mins from a shop in Nagpur.

You will never know unless you try - another kind of celebration - Diwali Saga

This Diwali is different in many ways. Anand hasn’t been part of Diwali celebration at our home for few years now, he would eat before everyone came and stayed in his room after. When kids were young we did sparklers and some very simple firecrackers and he loved those but the last few years we stopped doing that. Now Diwali was just another big dinner for him.

Ajey always enjoyed everything about it- food, fun, friends and new clothes. 

This Diwali was different, Anand was away and Ajey came home for “a visit” for a couple of days.

And it struck me, how different the festivals are for familes like ours. But again we all rise above the challenges and find the best way to move forward. 

When I brought the moms together , I had a vision - a village of our own. Families coming together to celebrate the happiness and victories and sharing the hardships, understanding each other and providing a judgement free space. I wanted “friendship and relationship” between moms first and then extend it to the familes next.  

Last night after dinner at a friend’s I drove to see my other village. 5families from my other village came together to celebrate Diwali with their kids. All the kids were amazing, they did whatever was comforting for them, watched TV, ate, spilled, played on the phone BUT they all were in one room with their dad and mom. That sight was a celebration in itself.

I am sure the hosts had a lot to cleanup and reorganize after we all left but I know they were happy to do that. 

Sometimes the vision is important but more than anything the believers in that vision are more important. Those familes decided to give it a try anticipating difficulties but their willingness to still try was a real celebration. I am glad our familes are defining celebration in their own way.

A blue resham Banarasi for the annakoot dinner. 

This pic is very special. I met this friend when I moved to USA in 99. Soon after we became very good friends. Ajey was 2 and so was her daughter. When I was pregnant with Anand she organized my surprised baby shower. I walked in her home  wearing maternity jeans and shirt with a toddler- Ajey. She handed me over a saree and some jewelry from her closet to wear that day. Last night I was there to help that beautiful girl with the saree and she wore the SAME saree.

 One of the dad loves to take pic and I was happy to pose :) Life is all about memories and I sure wanted this day to be remembered.

Because I don't have any hair to put the flowers now another mom agreed to do that for me :) 

Diwali - To the light over darkness-celebrate the New beginning

My Diwali morning is all about cooking and India phone calls and getting ready for dinner.

The dinner has been the highlight of Pandey household for years. Only time when I have that many people in the house. Almost the same people every year, many of them meet once a year in my home. We missed last year and struggled this year with plan. I did have to cut short the list, was not very comfortable having a large crowd. And I am sure this is not only our story but many had the same dilemma. We missed whoever was not there. Hopefully next year we will be back to normal.

 

When Anand was young , he did participate in doing the sparklers, wore Kurta and enjoy the food. Over the years he would just have dinner and go to his room. This year he wants even home but he was missed. During our weekly call on Tuesday I mentioned about Diwali on Thursday. He must have mentioned it to his coach and that evening we got a text insisting on doing the Zoom on Thursday because his life skill coach always wanted to attend a Deewali party. That was something but there was an issue to do zoom during Deewali chaos and they both understood but It made my day - Anand wanted to make someone else part of our celebration. That was something.

The evening progressed and finally everyone was here. This time I will let Pictures do the talking.

Saree is a gift from a friend. 

These women has changed my world in various ways.

One of my best friend, My American mom, my very first friend in Franklin and her mom and Ajey’s 4th grade teacher. They all deserved their own story. 

The two best dressed people in the room ;) 

I think this will be most of our interaction - me talking Pat listening :) she has seen the best and worst of me :) my first non Indian friend in Franklin

Ann Williams was my son’s 4th grade teacher and worked very hard to understand and teach kids about Indian cultures about 15-16 yrs ago. She is the reason Kennedy school kids don’t get homework on Deewali night. Williams got the invite because of her but sure her husband became my fav guest. I still remember the 3 Williams didn’t know what to do with our feast but it was him who did justice to my cooking.  

The love of a grandmother - Andrew (Pat's son) and Ajey have been friends since elementary school. 

While we two will never say no to a picture the other half of Pandey's are on opposite camp - I am glad he came home for Diwali

The reluctant subject :) 

Wish you happiness, health and peace - today tomorrow and always

Culture, customs, rituals and, struggles to identify

This Diwali as I was busy frying Pooris in my kitchen a text message flashed on my screen, part of a conversation with a friend and one thing struck out. She said “I’m doing it to push the kids to go out of their comfort zone and embrace their culture.” That same day early in the morning another text had flashed on my screen, my son’s 4th grade teacher (a non Indian) who is a dear friend now sent her picture dressed in a Kurta for Diwali as she got ready to go to school.

It’s like two sides of a story of immigrant familes. A mom is struggling to just do the right amount of nudging and on another side a teacher is trying to educate her students about different cultures . I am sure over the years she has inspired many to feel comfortable in their skin and accept and celebrate their culture. Imagine how a 9-10 yrs old will feel seeing their teacher in the indian outfit - “Just like my mom”. 

When I started Diwali in my home it was just a celebration of culture and food.  Soon it evolved into something more - year after year same people met once a year and celebrated friendship, customs, culture and of course food and drinks. 

Yesterday a dear friend was struggling to comprehend how she feels about it. Is she doing enough to keep “our indian values alive?” Will the kids remember the importance of customs and rituals and above all how will they find the footing, an anchor in the chaos of life. We both talked about how we are not religious but value spirituality and humanity. Will they appreciate their parent’s values or just get lost in this modern world? What do you think? What is Diwali for you? Religion? Customs ? Rituals? Celebration? Tradition ? Or just another holiday ?

Today I wish you a bright world full of sunshine, peace of mind, good health and all the happiness.

A saree from my "50 sarees for 50th Bday collection" a simple no fuss Kanchipuram 

 A mom from my Desi Moms Network -having fun on my front yard- trying to teach basic skills, independence, academics and then add cultural nuances.

 Decoration for Halloween - adaptation of culture, custom and rituals and the struggle is - how to hide those candies from the kids :)

 A beautiful calming evening tells me things will sure fall into place for everyone. Breathe and smile.