How do you deal with disappointments?

Emotions are tricky; sometimes, you can let go of bigger issues and get hurt by small stuff. You can blame hormones, menopause (at my age), situations, kids, spouses, work, boss, colleagues, and weather in some cases. How do you deal with it? What is the way forward, and why does it get stuck, making happiness fly away?

Families with special needs children live with it constantly. The anxiety of not doing enough always lingers, along with the disappointment of not giving the best to our children or them not having the best of ourselves.

In general, disappointments are momentary and may not matter in the long run. But when caused by the limitations our children and their life have, it is hard to put them in the right perspective.

 Some days are just disappointing, and perhaps we need to accept those ongoing challenges.

What do you do to move on? How do you shift your perspective? How do you let go of worries about things beyond your control? A Kanchi Cotton from a friend, Years ago She was given my number and she did call. Apparently our conversation changed the way she handled her disappointments. She said that phone call was a game changer.

I so needed that kind of conversation today.

Wore the saree to meet some amazing moms who will do anything to change things for their children.

On a snowy day, Anand stood on our driveway waiting for his ride to go to work. Some days I am in awe but  most days I struggle to keep this in right perspective, Life is just not fair - not to him not to us.

The traffic Jam - what do you do?

 Day -2 San Diego saga 

An hour plus drive turned into a 5 hour drive, our 11 hour day we spent half of it driving. It was frustrating and annoying but we knew we had no choice so we turned to Khan Sahab Mehdi Hassan . We listened to Mehdi Hassan sahab for hours. Those ghazals initiated the conversation about so many nuances and intricacy of poetry and music. And  that started conversation about life, family, people, relationships, friendships, politics, religion and memories. I was not behind the wheel so could enjoy  without worrying about fatigue.  

If I ignore the drive back I had a fabulous day, non stop music, amazing food, stunning location, fabulous weather and fantastic company I couldn’t have asked for better. Khan Sahab’s melodious voice made us talk about stuff we would have not otherwise.

More than anything I was observing how we behave in these circumstances. The 3 of us took a positive attitude and enjoyed the company and the music. These 200 plus miles will remain as a life lesson and a memory. We did joke about Bangalore traffic and many more traffic jams we got stuck in.

I am sure all of us have been through and we all deal with it differently. 

 When you are stuck on the road and there is no way out, a small turn or a missed exit can prolong the drive, how do you react in these times? Do you get angry, frustrated or just focus on letting it go? 

I know this post is in fragments but please bear with me. A San Diego Saga post is in making :)

A simple Mysore silk saree - for no reason. The host is an amazing photographer, how could I resist a photoshoot. Too many pics but so hard to pick one or two :)

What is a perfect day for you?

When we as a family plan to do anything, we plan many things, keep back ups and still our life is full of ifs and buts. Unpredictable and uncertain are the words to define a good day. Even though sometimes plans work out  and other times fall apart we keep hoping and planning and learn something new every time about our children and ourselves.

This long weekend was one of those.

We were able to leave home without any fuss and could have a meal in a restaurant without a meltdown, walked around the mall and came back home without an argument or meltdown. Today this was the perfect day for me.

Yesterday I laid out my plan in clear words. I want to go see Ajey and go out for lunch at a restaurant of my choice, might want to stop at the Indian Store and Costco. I wanted Anand to come with us so chose the Burlington Mall area as he loves walking in the Malls. I knew it will work but at the same time I didn’t want to eat at the food court, his usual choice so made it very clear that “lunch together” is the plan.

We all could have an enjoyable lunch, talking, laughing and when he was done he went back to Mall and we followed him. Mr. Husband came to the mall, picked what he needed and went back to enjoy his Netflix in the car. Anand went his way and Ajey and I shopped for me.  Pandeys were enjoying the day in their own style.

Today I figured out one more thing, make an inclusive plan and put it out there so everyone has an idea of what to expect. I didn’t go to the Indian store but Costco still worked out and everyone came home happy and tired. I think I can be a shopper if it comes with a good lunch.

I got to meet two moms from the group in the mall and that was a bonus.

How do you spend time with your family? What is a perfect way of spending your day?

A Tussar Richa from my Sister in law's closet. A day spent with my village. The women who laugh, joke, make fun, teach, learn, support, encourage each other and I am in awe of our combined strength. 

Such a small world, Got to meet two mom from the Desi Moms Network

 then it was time to hangout in Museum of Fine Art with my first born.

What kind of people you are surrounded with?

A conversation, a phone call, a message or a Facebook post can stir many questions. I always believed in having friends very close and the people who don’t give me a good vibe stay little (may be more) far in my orbit. 

I was going through some old pictures of various meets of the Desi Moms Network from over the years. I could see the gradual changes, most of the moms didn’t know each other. Slowly they found their people and how comfortable they are with each other now. The pictures tell a whole lot if you look closely. The group grew and many subgroups emerged when people found same interests and passions. These pictures of smiling and laughing moms made it all worth the time and energy I put in building this village. They teach me something new every day with every conversation.

But again there are people who drain your energy. I was going through some pictures from another group where people pretended to be friends with each other but actually it’s all very superficial . 

What do you do? Hang out with real friends? Keep some close to party with ? Some for show off? Some for heart to heart talks? Some to share secrets with? What do you do with toxic people? What is your criteria? Do you let your instinct decide for you? Do you listen to your heart or mind?

A simple silk for a Saree meet !

Do you meet people for a reason? Discovery Museum Saga #2

 Last night we had a “Especially for Me” event in Discovery museum. I have written about that event earlier so will not repeat the details. But this time it was bigger and better in so many ways. 27 familes came to the museum and for the first time in my life I saw so many Desi families with special need children under one roof in that kind of a setting. I have been to so many of these events and come across very few Indian families who attend them but last night I was pleasantly surprised by their attendance. Smiling, laughing and happy moms , dads connecting and children having a great time- it was a wonderful sight.

A dear friend connected me to the director of the museum a few years ago. I was invited for the museum’s gala and we thought of collaborating. I got busy expanding the group and then the Pandemic happened. A few months ago an email from them again pulled me in that direction. Their director of community partnership responded to my email and now it’s history how our first conversation was the impetus for this event to happen. 

She is from India so she understood our cultural needs and went above and beyond to make it an experience for our families.

I really marvel at these coincidences when you connect with people whom you never knew and before you know it their presence in your life makes it wonderful.

An uncanny connection - I was ironing my saree and somehow I thought of calling a friend from my Saree group who lives in that town, next to the museum and while talking she mentioned that her dear friend works in the museum. I knew instantly we both were thinking of the same person. Not too many Indians work in museums. With all the happy memories from last night and witnessing shock and pleasure at seeing our mutual friend with me at the museum will stay in my mind and heart for a long time. 

#Gratitude in my heart.

Wonderful Ms Community Partnership Director 

The amazing Staff  

the 3 friends :)

New Years - do you believe in making resolutions for the new year or is it just another day

 I was about to write and thought of checking my last year’s post. Reading that made me smile, Pandey’s haven’t changed much. 

This year again we did the same thing. Ajey came home for the weekend, none of us are party people and as usual decided to stay home. Anand cooked meatball pasta for everyone and we had that cheesy meal. After dinner he decided to retire for the night. He did stay up very late and watched YouTube videos and the 3 of us decided to watch “Knives out”. We had all watched Glass Onion last weekend so watching the prequel again was important so we spent our New Years eve watching a New England movie. 

The New Years day was lazy. Our family is still dealing with the loss. I wasn’t keen on making too many calls or messages anyway. 

Anand wanted to drive to Boston and that became “the” plan for the day. Pandey’s hopped in the car rushed to North End, walked around, enjoyed the lights and performance in Quincy Market, had a drink, ate and came back. Pretty simple weekend routine. No resolutions no promises no big plans.

A beautiful, warm afternoon made sure I walk on the first day of the year, I hope that’s a good beginning.

How was your long weekend, what is in your list, are you making some promises?

A brunch at a dear friend to start the new year on Monday, A saree from Tripura, Mom asked a friend to get one for me.

The saree made me feel wrapped in love and the brunch was for body, mind and soul.

The Chef on New Year's Eve

 Pandey's in Boston on New Years

Only one pic of all 3 men 

A fabulous Brunch with wonderful people