Hello Pragya mummy. Can we talk at my 9:00 pm today.
Time: 9:00
Subject: Domestic help
It's a bit urgent.
Hope you are free.
🖤🤍🖤🤍 ~ Abhinav
On a beautiful Saturday morning I woke up to this message. I replied back that I will be ready for our zoom chat. WhatsApp has made our life so easy.
If you read my ramblings then you know Abhinav is my sister Seema’s 11 year old son. Anand, my son goes to Seema mausi when he gets angry with his mother. She has played the role of a referee many times. So when I read the subject I had an “aha” moment :). I know my sister and BIL have let go of their cook and other help to keep ma papa in a bubble and everyone at home was pitching in with the household chores. I assumed this must be about that. Who, at the age of 11 and in their right mind would like to do dishwasher unloading and putting things away. That is the assigned task for Abhinav.
So at my 10.30 AM I sat down with my chai for that conversation and I was just blown away. That 11 year old kid was talking about the new maid my sister hired. It’s exactly the conversation I have had with my 23 year old multiple times in the last 10 years . Why do we need someone to clean our bathroom or why cannot we change our sheets on our own.
My 11 year old nephew was sad that the new girl had to do all these chores. Why is she poor and why is she not going to college or working a “good” job. The conversation then took another turn about dignity of work. It’s we who decided that cleaning the bathroom is a “bad” job and going to the office is a “good” job. I explained to him how kids here do “odd” jobs to earn their pocket money. I appreciated that she is not begging or cheating people but working hard to make her living. How calling her “domestic helper ” instead of “maid” will not change a thing for her. Appreciating her work ethics, hard work and being kind is more important. How he needs to feel the same for his mother or any woman around. How important it is to respect rather than than pity.
I hope our conversation made some sense to him. His mind was at ease when we called it a night.
Most of us who grew up in India are used to having multiple domestic helpers around and very frankly we do take them for granted. We understand them better when we leave India. “The dignity of work” what is your thought? What would you teach your son and will it be different for your daughter? Is cooking or cleaning still a “female” oriented job, would you expect your son to do laundry and dishes? Are household chores to be done only by the women in the house or to be shared equally with the male member of the house.
I hope this was one of the many discussion with this 11 year old, who has the ability to make me really think, to find the right words and direction. He amazes me with his out of the box, unconventional thinking.
This tiny kid is such a delight now.
Thank you Anand for the dishes and Ajey for the roti.
ReplyDelete[last year I wanted to make roti around Diwali and we did buy some ghee and use it for the things we eat].
And Abhinav for the conversation.