A message flashed on my screen that she is a mom with a newly diagnosed 3 year old child. She had read my blog somewhere and decided to send me a message over Facebook after seeing my post. For 3 days she sat on it but couldn’t think of anything else but my words “you are not alone” - a dinner invite by Jaya Pandey. So finally decided she needed help.
I did what I usually do, put my shoes on and went for a walk. She started talking as anyone would- asking about my kids, work and life. But I could sense she was trying very hard and I asked her what was bothering her and all I could hear was a sobbing mom with a muffled sorry. After some time she finally began to tell me her story. Like every mother she is going through the horrible cycle of “what did I do wrong”.
She is a happy professional and works in the mental healthcare field. Loves her work and was very happy with her life. Enjoyed her time as a newly wed, traveled some and finally after a couple of years decided to have kids. Tried for a few years and then went through the treatment. Now with this diagnosis in hand she is struggling with her decisions and questioning everything. Did she eat right? Did she not follow all the directions and hundreds of other thoughts.
I told her what I tell every mom- You didn’t do anything wrong. We make the best decision based on the information available at any given time. You did what was right at that time.
I told her my story, about my guilt, my thought process, my stages of grief - specially denial. My struggle with why me, anger towards god, the universe, me and the whole world. How for months I told myself all will be okay and kept on pushing myself. I was all over the place, in pieces but ignoring it. Finally I came to terms with it and then there was no stopping me. I told her she will find her path, she will do what is best for her child and soon she will make peace with it and then again some day everything will fall apart but she will know how to pull it together and move on, if she has her people and a support system around her. All I could suggest to her was to go easy on herself and that is the only way forward.
We ended the call with a promise to keep the conversation going. A late night text came from her, thanking her god and karma and belief in destiny that she had found me, was a sign for me that she was on the path to healing. I am glad another mom found some solace in knowing she is not alone.
My boys on a family Zoom call.
A gift from a middle school friend, A beautiful cotton. This saree has the warmth of friendship A zoom interview for American Kahani. perfect for a conversation about friendship and support.
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