Discussion about Equity and Inclusion- So much needed in every classroom, school and home

Written on 03/05

What would we want  for our kids? Success?  happiness? We all have our own wishes and hopes for them and we all define success differently.

and the kids they have their own measure of happiness and success.

It was a very interesting Friday. I was invited for a fireside chat with Dr. Rosemarie Allen and Roxanne Hoke Chandler.

While ironing my saree I was complaining of Covid that I wish we could do this in person. I was intrigued by the name - Fireside chat and there was no fire just Zoom. I ran an idea in my mind that I will sit next to fireplace ( Unfortunetely the logs are buried in snow - so out) or the pallet stove in the basement but cancelled that too as it is an open space and all the men hang out there. Instead I decided to join in from bedroom, a peaceful area of our home. After hearing me cribbing about not having a fire on my side my dear husband downloaded the fireside background for Zoom. I ended up showing my real self on the call :) The fake fire was not fun.

Dr Allen talked about  Intersection of family engagement and equity and  implicit biases. How preconceived notions decide our actions without us knowing or realizing. She was talking about her own experiences and I was struck by how true it was and it was shameful to admit but we all are guilty of doing the same.

Her main focus was on equity and inclusion for all our children. One of the most striking point she was making was cultural education for everyone involved in early education. The impact of Race, culture, socio economic status on the services our children received. How important  it is to have the teachers learn these cultural nuisances. It reminded me of my life when we moved to Franklin in 2003, a very white town at that time. How I was among very few brown women in this town. How many time I offered my help with Parents committee in school and was declined. Things have changed and I see so many non-white families here in Franklin but I still cannot forget how it felt to be ignored and not welcomed.

I hope we keep having these discussion and keep holding the community and society responsible to let every child have the best education for him/her, what is right for them, what is suitable for them at that given time and what is needed to make them successful and feel appreciated.

  A simple cotton, perfect for that wonderful conversation. My saree represents who I am, Its my culture, my heritage and me as a person. 

This was my fireside :)  

https://fcsn.org 

Please read more about what The Federation for Children with Special Needs does for families like ours. 

This kid deserves every opportunity to grow, feel happy and learn regardless his race and ethnicity. A conversation like this will change the way we look at inclusion and equal rights of education for all.

Podcast - Chai and chat with Aditi and Natasha

 I am Jaya Pandey and I live in Boston. Married to my best friend for 25 yrs and have two wonderful boys Ajey (23) and Anand (20). Anand was diagnosed with Autism when he was almost 8. I have been through ups and downs of motherhood. But soon understood we didn’t deserve the negativity of life. I started writing about our life and soon decided I needed to do something for Indian Mom with special need kids. in 2017 I started building a community for Indian Moms here in Boston. Connected over 200 mothers to each other.

I am very proud of each and everyone of them who believed in my vision, trusted and shared their life with me. 
It has been a journey of life time. I am happy, proud and excited for these moms who found support and friendship through this group. We have done many meets, dinners, family picnic, family photoshoots and zoom meets in this pandemic.

I was invited for a podcast about my love for Sarees, Music (specially Jagjit Singh’s ghazals) and Autism awareness.

I am honored and very grateful beyond words.

If you know someone who has kids with needs, please be kind to them, support them and please please connect them to each other. Have them reach out to me if I could be of any help. ( blog links in the comment)

My podcast link here , please spend 30 mins and listen to yours truly talk about “loves” of her life

https://anchor.fm/chaiandchat/episodes/A-Boston-Chai-Party-with-Jaya-Pandey-epqbip

Amazing hosts - Natasha and Aditi

A fabulous saree from another friend :) That story here.

https://momlovesanand.blogspot.com/2020/12/name-story.html

Saree last summer

A day - To hope - unity and healing of a Nation

Inauguration Day, Jan 20th, 2020

Today I woke up with an immense sense of gratitude and pleasure.

My saree is a tribute today to every mother who works hard to show her daughter that everything is possible in this world. To remind her daughter that it’s all worth the struggles a mother has to go through so that her daughter can lead , to show that women are capable of leading a nation too. 

The saree is a reminder that a mother has to believe in her daughter and give her the tools to take on the world. 

I am wearing a saree not to celebrate the ethnicity of our new VP but to pay tribute to her mother who gave her the wings.

This morning I cannot stop thinking of the mom who at the age of 19, in 1958 left her homeland to come to America to pursue a dream. I cannot even imagine how she survived. I can see how “the move forward thinking” shaped her daughters and today we are in a way acknowledging that finally we are ready to heal and move forward as a Nation.

Today is the day - “ dream and work hard - that how they became reality” kind of day. For me, for every women here in USA, for every person  who dared to dream big for their kid and teach them to achieve what they hope for.

Today our Ms Vice President is a leader of a divided nation. Let’s not worry about her color, race and ethnicity, instead help her focus on the bigger picture. We have plenty of time to talk about that. 

So today Ms Vice President, I stand behind you - not because you are  of Indian origin or a woman of color or from a specific party, today I am here to celebrate you for being the woman in the highest office of this nation and showing the world that we are ready to believe in “equal”.

I am wearing my saree because it makes me feel proud, strong, passionate, hopeful and a believer. I am sure your mother must be feeling the same wherever she is.

A saree from my mother’s treasure.. I wore this in 2015 for my graduation.(Ajey graduated the same day) Amma, in a way, showed us sisters that a woman is capable of dreaming and achieving what she works for, Putting the best foot forward and standing for what you believe in with a pride.

Anand made pasta for everyone. The menu was Meatball pasta, chips and Salsa, salad, cake, Carrot halwa and variety of drinks

 A day in 2015 when Mom and Son graduated.#priceless #ammasaree  . 

Thankful for - you, me and us. Love, live and laugh.

Our family couldn’t make any traditions for this one holiday. It has always been the kind of day where whoever invites us we go there. I never made turkey or other TG dishes. Even if I ever hosted I stuck with the Indian food menu. No one enjoys turkey in the Pandey household so there was never a motivation for us to prepare turkey and a full thanksgiving meal either.

This year it was a totally different TG for us as it was for everyone else. We decided to do a quiet Thanksgiving.  Anand started counting days to his favorite pie from Sunday itself. I asked him what should be the menu. I knew the TG meal is not going to work for anyone so we agreed on having Egg curry with Roti. Ajey is always happy with Paneer so Ashish could pick the rice  ; ). The family decided to eat when it was a little dark. So I had plenty of time to cook. We went all out with the table setting and candles and what not.

We all got the drink we wanted. Boys helped me set the table and have a nice meal together. Anand even let me take a family picture. He was funny and happy and we all had a fantastic time. After the dinner he even loaded the dishwasher before settling in his room. Ashish and Ajey watched their favorite TV show Mandalorian . Once a week dad and first born forget the whole world for that hour, such an unusual sight in my household as Ajey is not much of a TV guy.

I on the other hand decided to enjoy the evening on my own. The decorative light in the dining area was just reflecting my inner happiness.  After a long time we had a festive meal together with laughter, smiles, jokes and fun. My heart is full of gratitude. There are so many families whose kids couldn’t come home this year, families are far away and some cannot bring their children home.  We have plenty to be grateful for.

 If you have been reading my blog then you know how rare it is to have a family pic. This one pic sets the tone for the evening. A thankful mom. 

Anand must be thinking - enough of pic, lets get the dinner going.BUT he didnt say anything.

Something for everyone

Saree of the day

I just didnt have energy to iron the saree I took out so this simple saree saved the day. I didn't even care that the light behind me will make me look dark, I just dint want to delay the dinner. 

ill-Stitched blouse, bad lighting and reluctant photographer. but at least got a pic - Another reason to be grateful for

What are we now? parents, couples, companion, partners or caretaker?

The special need family photoshoot started with the idea of family pictures . I thought that was much needed. With smart phones we technically don’t need a camera or photographers and selfies and selfie sticks have made it every easy to take our own pictures too. So I started with the idea of capturing emotions not the staged or perfect photographs. 

I have been very happy with the pictures and the sessions so far. Meeting them one on one helps us connect too. I get to know the families and their life up close. The pictures portray so many things. 

Lately I am noticing  something else too. It is the couples pictures which are conveying a lot more. I have learnt it’s all in the conversations and soon everyone is easy and relaxed. 

After initial family portraits I move on to the couples pictures and ask them not to pose and just look at each other (not the camera) or just have a simple conversation about themselves and not the kids. I often hear they don’t know what to talk about anymore. A mom said we talk more about the need for landscapers for grass cutting, or plumber or shopping for wipes and sanitizers than about what we feel for each other. The other one said she doesn’t even remember being asked to look at each other in such a long time. A husband noticed his wife’s necklace and she was so surprised. He explained that he doesn’t remember her putting on makeup or jewelry in a long time either. 

It’s been few months since I started this project and I am remembering so many incidents. Some kids need constant attention and one parent has to be on the go all the time.  I guess they forget to stop and hold each other’s hand or just whisper something nice. Medicines , therapies, IEPs, driving, doctors appointments, emails take over the simple pleasures without any warning. We stop being us and become just caretakers. 

I spent one of my those evening watching sunset with some of those parents. Life is about simple pleasure and sometime we tend to ignore just them. 

A dear friend's gift - were going for a simple no fuss potluck at a dear friends house and I took time to get dressed, made me feel like a woman not just a mom.

It wasn't just 6 yards of material, It was happiness, friendship and care. during the dinner I was teased about my love for sunset, sunrise, poetry, saree and what not. 

And my very reluctant husband who doesnt like to be either side of the camera. I being me, did catch him smiling.

 A relaxing dinner with a group of friends, who help us being more than just parents in many ways. They feed my body and soul and remind me that life is beautiful. If you have those in your life who call you crazy but at the same time appreciate and support your craziness, hold them tight.They all agreed to go with me to see the Sunset on a weeknight yesterday. #Gratitude #Lovemyvillage #grateful

and this was yesterday, after two photoshoots I needed to calm my mind

Happy Bday darling.. Beginning of a new decade..

It’s been so long since I write something about our life. April 10th. I was going through some difficult time and somehow I let it take over my life and soul.

It’s been more than 3 months, lots of things changed. It was beginning of spring and now they are in full bloom. I guess I did grow with them too.

Letting go can be tough but thats what the growth is about.

I think Anand’s Bday brought me back to my world. Being a parent defines your life in so many way. With him I grew too I guess.

Instead of writing something new I copy paste my facebook status from July 16th and 18th

The Bday boy gets his wish. just to stay home, do his school Zoom calls and play on his DS.

Tonight he will have Pizza, some cake and watch a movie - Chronicles of Narnia. 

I as a mother finally learning to celebrate his bday in his style. I made peace with him not going shopping and no party, no Moms Style celebration, no crowd.

But today he did video calls with his Grandmother and mausis when I wasn’t even home. That makes my heart swell. The kids has grown, not its time for his mother to grow up
Happy Bday Anand, you rock my world like nothing.

and then on July 20th 

Celebration is a state of mind? may be..

For a change I agreed to Anand’s wish and didn’t do anything mom style. He wanted simple things and I could manage keeping it his way.

A movie night, a cake with no song or candle, Pizza, and garlic bread.I did bring out some hot wheels just for the photo.

we all watched movie in our dark living room.

and I admit it was first time I sat through whole movie, not a single break. He got annoyed with my questions and talks but still managed. Happy Bday Anand- You rock my world like no-one. Stay happy, stay healthy and keep driving your mom crazy.

Today -again- someone did remind me how important it is to keep going if my words resonate with their experience. Thank you for this reminder, I so needed it more than you ever know.

Notice those hot wheels? 100s of them were part of my parenting journey. Almost all of them found a new home over the years. The last batch bids goodbye on Anand's 20th Bday.

 The struggle to find a perfect cake. Lost me in Whole foods.

Anand in a bar in Nagpur. We took all the kids of the family out, while everyone enjoyed a drink or two Anand played his music. I am glad he was there with everyone. 

Until quarantine keeps us apart

The weekend Saga - 03/28 (Saturday Day 16) and 03/39 (Sunday Day 17)   

With a not so composed Friday evening, I decided to make it a better Saturday morning. Had a few things planned for Saturday so I knew it would be a socially (even with distance) busy day. We all know that we shouldn’t constantly talk about what is not right but it’s all over the news. Every conversation, every phone call is about that usually. Friday evening, during group call Divya had a very clear instruction that we should pay attention to what is blooming in our garden instead of talking about the pandemic. Sometime you need a Gardner friend, usually they are the first ones to notice the signs of spring. That’s what I did on Saturday, decided to let go the bitterness and anxiety and embrace the better side of it.The walk really did me good because I was looking for blooms not despair.
The usual Group FaceTime call with my high school and college friends was fun.
Some of the moms in my network baked bread together virtually. It was fun to see 7 of us on the Zoom screen, cooking and chatting. The same evening I had initiated a virtual Saree meet. 17 of us came together just to have fun. I wore a simple cotton saree for the meet. It’s amazing how the 6 yrds can change everything around you. With a cup of chai and girlfriends on the screen it was just awesome. I so wanted to continue the vibe of the day so decided to make dinner fun.  Ordered take out, that too Indian, so not like the Pandeys.
Some people, some conversations have the power to make your day. My Sunday morning was one of those. Thankful for love and laughter in my life.
Ashish decided to do the grocery shopping today so the afternoon was about sorting and cleaning the stuff. We can feed an army for some time now . If you want freshly cooked food, 1234 Pond St is your place :) ( sending you to the neighbors:)
The Hindi Manch had the Virtual Poetry meet this evening. I did what I would do in the usual program, got dressed in a saree, recited Faiz and enjoyed seeing my friends. Technology has really made social distancing less painful. Talking to family and friends in India I am realizing that being at home 24*7 with more work and less help can be difficult. Some of us are making the best of it and some are having a very difficult time. A friend joked that after this epidemic is over we will see a lot of babies and the real faces of many relationships.
What are you doing to get through the day? What is keeping you sane and what does family means to you now? 

What are you doing to get through the day? what is keeping you sane? and what family means to you now? 

Years ago Papa got this saree from Mehndiwada, a small weaver village near Balaghat, the town I grew up in. Love the simplicity of this saree,  matched with this bright blouse. 

Thank you Divya for forcing us to look at the better side.

 This was a lunch somewhere, I didn't take picture of my lunch, I wish i was having this for my lunch though, so love sandwiches. 

full drama - and Boys were like can we just eat, disposable plates will do too.

 Candlelight dinner :) Life gives you lemon- you better make margarita and invite me.

 Rainy Sunday, Who cares, all dressed for Poetry meet.

 शाम-ए-फ़िराक़ अब न पूछ आई और आके टल गई

दिल था के फिर बहल गया, जाँ थी के फिर सम्भल गई

जब तुझे याद कर लिया, सुबह महक महक उठी

जब तेरा ग़म जगा लिया, रात मचल मचल गई

-फ़ैज़
Reciting Faiz - a friend took this screen shot :) Lesson leant- find a better spot in the house.

 आज फिर उनका सामना होगा

क्या पता उसके बाद क्या होगा

दो क़दम पर सही तेरा कूचा

ये भी सदियों का फ़ासला होगा

-सबा सीकरी