The calm before the storm - minus one - The last night at home

 Last week I decided to document our count down for Anand’s going to a new program this year. These posts are my daily blogs. Past two weeks were eventful in way to say the least. Ajey’s moving to city and Anand to the Berkshire I hope for the best for my men. 

Sunday - The three Pandeys ate Mirchi bhajj and pakoras for breakfast while Anand decided to play video games. He made pasta for his lunch and the rest of us ate poori. Having Ajey home has been a comfort in a way.

I wonder what is happening in all those households who are sending their kids to college or various programs. We packed almost everything on Friday. Dad and I had taken the day off thinking we would go out for dinner, shopping or something fun. But Anand decided not to do any of these so we packed. He could care less so I ended up packing my way. After that we just just hung out at home and watched TV without talking much. It was different when Ajey was going to college. Or may be I don’t remember much because I didn’t document it as such. 

I remember shopping mostly from Bed, Bath and Beyond and driving to his college and then helping him unpack in his college room. 

This time we had so much stuff at home so did most of the shopping in Costco and Amazon. How different these two experiences are.

I wanted to cook and feed him his favorite food but for the last one week he has been eating his meals his way, cooking pasta or getting take outs. The farewell dinner was Panera. The mom in me cringed but I had to honor his wish . So Panera bread won over moms cooking. 

We all went to bed with questions and check lists on our minds and hope in our hearts.

Dropping Ajey at the train station will be a norm but this was first time. A strange feeling to say good bye to him. We are so similar yet so different. We argue and get onto each other's nerve but again we both get it. A hug from him and words that everything will be okay was enough to held me together that day. 

Panera was supposed to be a takeout but he decided to eat there last minute. 

This was our breakfast and lunch, Left over went in another backpack for Ajey's Monday brekafast :) Fresh Chili from a friend's garden.

Packing - so many folds and emotions

 Last week I decided to document our count down for Anand’s going to a new program this year. These posts are my daily blogs. Past two weeks were eventful in way to say the least. Ajey’s moving to city and Anand to the Berkshire I hope for the best for my men. 

It is Friday night and here I am sitting and thinking about Monday. Anand is going to a program for the next 10 months where he will stay in an apartment with a roommate. Both of them will learn so many nuisances of independent living and moms will not be their teacher. 

A phone call from another mom whose son will share the apartment with Anand made me feel better. Assurance that I am not alone going through this emotional roller coaster. For a change we agreed that we don’t have to do everything. We talked like long lost friends, exactly picking up on the thoughts and emotions going on in each other’s mind, could soothe each other’s anxiety. We know we will talk again tomorrow and the day after and then meet on Monday. We will help our kids move into their “home” and hope that they support and help each other, ignore each other’s quirks and be mindful of their limitations and find a lot of common things to enjoy. 

Today was a good day and I hope tomorrow gets even better. 

Saturday -A dear friend hosted a dinner as she wanted to say good bye to Anand. Anand decided to stay home and eat pasta and watch TV. His brother came home for the weekend mainly to wish Anand well. Ajey went for a lavish south Indian meal and Anand stayed home.

I so wish I could do anything. We all had great time. but I couldn’t stop wishing Anand was around.

This last week has been pasta, noodles, cookies, berries, brownies, chips and coke for all the meals. The mother in me wants to cook all his favorites and he is refusing to eat anything I cook. It breaks my heart but I understand it’s his way of dealing with his anxiety. 

A simple cotton Saree for dinner on Saturday. 

 Lucky to have people who understand what we go through. A dear friend cooked for Anand but it was us who enjoyed it. 

                                                 While we were busy thinking, packing, planning my son was going through his own thought process, caught him walking on his usual route. I am sure so many will miss seeing him walk.

Celebration continues - the beginner's luck - Encore in Boston

The Bday celebration continues

We have many milestone years during Pandemic Ashish and I turned 50, celebrated our 25th and now Anand turned 21.

All of us have our own idea of celebration. Mr husband treats everyday the same where I could celebrate anything and everything. Food and friends and a get together makes everything worth celebrating. People who love me did whatever they could given the time. I had many small lunches, get together and gifts for my celebration. Anand didn’t want to do anything publically but somehow we did celebrate in various ways. “Gambling” became one of those :(

One day when we were driving to Ajey’s we passed the Casino “The Encore” in Everett. I loved the outdoor area when Mr and I were there last and mentioned it to the boys and surprisingly both the brothers agreed right away and the plan was decided to spend Saturday early afternoon to avoid the crowd.

That Saturday when we picked up Ajey we realized we never took him to a casino, so in a way it was a “first” for both of them.

Ajey got bored really quickly but Anand’s day was another story. Anand made money in the casino over slot machine. Here are some picture to tell you the story. I was there for fun, food and the Pandey men.

 Anand was so happy to show off his id - "21" 

Ashish taught many things to the boys, this could be one of those :) 

***When we sometimes take people in our lives for granted***

 I cannot wait to read this on your blog she said laughing and sure enough here I am writing about it. She is my friend after all and knows what rattles me at times but at that very moment she didn’t know she wasn’t just venting, she was giving words to my emotions. 

I called her for my own sake but it was she who had things to share that evening. I am sure she hadn’t planned on it but our conversation turned to her relationships and how she feels she is taken for granted, is not even asked what she needs or wants, not even given the opportunity to decide what she wants. 

I did tell her to speak up, let people know how hurtful their behavior is and then may be move on but is it really that easy ? I can see calling out people if they mistreat you (I sure can do that)  but then “letting it go “ is not that easy. She is a different breed all together, she won’t do it. But I questioned her if it is worth keeping it all inside and feeling the agony?

We talked for a long time and even if I couldn’t resolve anything, we could talk it out and I hope it gave her some direction. She sure needed a conversation to start somewhere. I am curious to see the outcome of our discussion.

Do you feel used, taken for granted by Parents, siblings, kids, friends, spouse, lovers or coworkers. Do they even know they are doing it? Do you feel like stopping this and standing up for yourself?

What do you do? Say it out loud? Find it difficult to confront or easier to walk away or just feel resentful ? 

Why cannot we keep the expectations in check? When is it too much? When to stop expecting? But then don’t you think you loose the warmth of a relationship if it is not reciprocal?

A Mysore silk for a farewell lunch for a visionary man, who tirelessly worked for a better quality of life for people with special needs as well for those who care for them.

Mike Moloney, a visionary CEO of HMEA decided to retire. As a new board member I was invited to be part of the celebration. I have met him over Zoom a couple of times. Meeting him in person will remain with me for a long time. Being the only brown woman and on top of that in a saree- our conversation flew from my work to yoga to India and my Saree stories. He is a yogi and starting a new chapter as Yoga teacher. 

 A friend got me some flowers from her garden. The simple gesture can make you feel loved and valued. sometimes thats all we need. 

Anand’s Bday Saga - Another side of the story

In my last post I wrote about me and Anand’s Bday. By the way, thank you for all your calls/texts/messages and wishes. They are much appreciated. I always believe I am not alone but you all prove that over and over again. I have my village standing next to me - “Always”

Anand had decided that he didn’t want party and his way of celebrating is Domino’s pizza, cake and movie. Same as last year.

I tried to convince him for a dinner out but in vain so that’s what we decided. We will eat Pizza in the living room, watch a movie of his choice and eat the cake, without candles and the birthday song and then everyone can come on Saturday. He was very clear on his celebration plans for that particular day.

All the aunts respected his wishes and agreed to meet for a lunch celebration the next day (Saturday)

Well, mom was a mess and they came rushing that afternoon, but you all know that anyway.

Anand took care of ordering his meal and decided he wanted to play his new game and not watch the movie. Well Dominos delivered the Pizza but the wrong one. He was a patient one and decided to devour the garlic break, cake and skip pizza with onions and peppers since it was not his choice.

Ajey called and Dominos agreed to make another one and big brother went to pick it up. It all worked out in the end.

I on the other hand was totally lost. Once they ate I didn’t have much to do, so I decided to join the Saree meet that night. When I came back at night everyone was already in bed. I am so thankful to have ended my day with the Saree meet. Anand celebrated his birthday in his style and mom celebrated it her way. “Celebrations” are personal and it should make us happy, in the end that’s all that matters.

Connection of 6 Yrds - a different Tuesday

 The last weeks have been eventful in the Pandey household to say the least. Details on my blog. With Ajey moving out and Anand’s program selection for coming year, parents wanting to visit their friends and families back home, scare of the Delta Variant, my own health and concerns with everything else we all already have on our plate.

I was looking forward to the Tuesday amidst this chaos. A welcome change to have a saree friend, Anuja visiting from Michigan. We had never met, just talked over the phone a couple of times but the 6 yards connection was enough to make it happen. I decided to take a day off.  I just couldn’t sleep the night before. Decided to meet a friend before Anuja’s arrival. Now to think of it, I should have taken a nap, cleaned the house, done some paper work, responded to some pending emails, gotten Anand’s stuff ready, but I decided to drive thinking we both needed it. I think it’s time to change the way I function. Logic should have prevailed over emotions. But the visit did good to both of us, provided clarity on so many things. More on that in another story.

Soon Anuja walked into my home with a big smile and that wiped away all the “unknowns”. Within minutes we were talking like old friends. Talked about so many people and events in our life and off course how can we not see and talk sarees.

Before we realized it was time to leave for our dinner with our Saree friends. The dinner was fun, 10 Boston ladies were there to welcome Anuja, we all ate, drank, laughed shared stories and jokes. An evening well spent.

I took out a piece of art from my closet, one from a master weaver’s last few creations. The daughter wanted me to have it .I was very skeptical of that saree and wasn’t sure if I could do justice to it. But she insisted and I followed. While talking about the daughter Anuja and I agreed how wonderful it feels to support that girl. Anuja suggested I should wear that saree for the evening and I trusted her judgement. Loved it after draping, things fall into place I guess. That saree was perfect for that evening to nurture and pamper my crazy soul. 

The Saree is a combination of Ikat and Kalamkari.

3 of us wore the creation of the same weaver, unplanned, how uncanny is that, the guest friend was so sad that she has the 4th one sitting in the hotel, She was about to wear that Ikat but decided to wear celebratory silk instead of cotton. Srinath, I hope you are pleased somewhere that your creation are being celebrated. (The master weaver passed away couple of years ago, his amazing 18 yrs old daughter is taking care of his legacy)