Sons and sunset - what a mother wants

When you live on east coast, sunset on water is rarity. I am somehow stuck to sunset. they are my high. So I chase sun whenever I can :)

I have heard great review about Boston Harbor Restaraunt and thought it was a perfect opportunity to have a dinner while we still can sit outside. New England weather is just perfect now.They just opened the outdoor seating and thats what I wanted. A view of harbor and a good meal.

Anand agreed to join that itself was a big deal, He wanted his own photo with Boston Harbor. I was more than happy to take some.

A Vimor Saree came out of closet, we drove an hour one way. There were just 4 families dining that night. The staff treated us royally.

A dinner and a walk and a sight, it was just a perfect evening. I met a woman who's grandfather had moved from India to Jamaica. She took my pictures and we talked about finding the lost lost family. 

 The Saree has a story of a mother who never gives up. She argues, fights, bribes and shouts but finds her way out sometimes.

Anand did get some of his pictures and because I took them on my phone they are my property :) I can use them wherever I want.

See the colors on the Sky 

Harborside Grill and Patio - Can you see Two Pandey men on their phones? 

Men Talk?  done with dinner we should go to North End for dessert and why does she want to stay? what's with the sunset? ;)

We went to North End for dessert, unplanned but fun. BUT North End was so busy. no mask, people everywhere. I had never seen this bright and well lit North End. At least I got one good picture of my saree. note to self- take pic before leaving home.

When passion joins the cause

Music, Saree and Special need awareness and Audience - That is Jaya’s happy place.

Hosting a musical program and talk about Moms Network I was all ready for it.

The program had 4 singers, I have known two of them for few years and knew how wonderful they are. I met other two during Sound testing rehearsal. I knew it will be a good program.

So finally the Saturday came.  Singers were doing the sound check and I was busy ironing my Saree.

I decided not to script the program and bring the human side of singers. so some talks, poetry, information about singers and music made the experience wonderful. 

The program was amazing and I loved being the MC. More than that I loved having a platform talking about my other passion.

We got many msgs and everyone loved the whole concept. Singers were amazing so their song selection. It was fun weaving words around those song.

I was myself and I cannot thank the host enough for giving me the freedom. Please watch the recording and give us your feed back.

When I started I wasn’t sure what will I talk about Anand and our life but the way the host introduced me It was a cake walk. Hope those words made some impact on someone.

The saree of the day is a simple Tussar. I have few of those “feel good saree” plain and simple with minimal jewelry and I felt so royal.

Please be kind, be generous and pay it forward.

Link for the program - Skip first 8 mins.

https://www.facebook.com/sunil.barot.5/videos/10217604625923826

Got these screen shots, so many texts and msgs . I was happy and enjoying

This Saree I wore this Jan for a friends 25th anniversary. All the women were in beautiful colors. The men friends were so happy to see a woman in grey 

Family photoshoot - rain saga

some days are just unpredictable actually most days are like that in our life. we cannot plan, even if we do, we don’t know if it work, or half way or total disaster. Sunday Photoshoot was one of those. New England weather decided to play a prank on us. Two families for photo shoot in Lexington and a  socially distant hello get-together for families in Lexington was planned. Thought they should at least meet once.

Lexington is good 50 min drive for me. I have been wanting to meet a dear friend’s mom for long time, so decided to go little early to say hello to her.

It was so wonderful to see her for few mins and the rain decided to pay us a visit too. within 10 mins we said hi and bye and I was in my car driving to the first family for photoshoot. I thought instead of the park I will take picture in their front yard itself once the rain stops. I reached there and they lost their power. It was so heart warming to see all 3 men dressed in white shirt and mom in bright maroon Salwar Kurta, like the center of the family she was. I took some picture just to keep that image in my mind. I promised to come back next week and called the other mom to cancel. It looked like the rain was not going anywhere any time soon. Another mom made tea for me and the rain stopped, sipping that heavenly chai in her porch and misty weather was just perfect.  and I went back to M’s home to see her mom again and this time we were lucky. we got beautiful breeze and fun conversation. As a young Bengali Indian wife who moved to USA in 60s she had stories to tell. I wish i had more time. Many of us resonate our life with “ The Namesake”, she sure was from that era. When I was leaving home she was in my mind so I decided to wear a bengal Taant for her. imagine a starched saree and rain drops but I wouldn’t want it other way. 

A new Indian restaurant in town was just around the corner so decided to go home with the dinner for the boys. Anand was already done with his dinner and watching movie. The day didnt go the way I planned but I still  had fun. The disappointment could have gotten better off me but I decided to hold on to the meet with mom, the happy smiles on the kids when I took the pic, the shining eyes of one of the boy when he found his fav books in my car. I am getting rids of old books in my basement and the traveling library is spreading happiness. and then my own son happy with palak paneer and naan . The day ended on a good note.

Sunday 8/23 

A dear friend from Middle school- my shopper in Calcutta, Just have to remind her to shop keep ME in mind and she does wonder also takes care of Ashish's pocket, gets the best deal. Thank you Soma. 

Me sitting on a door step of a Bengali household in Taant Saree. Meeting M's mom was the highlight of my day.

 After a beautiful rain shower - It spoiled my plans but refreshened my soul. My saree wasn't happy though. 

The banner outside her home. I am so proud of all the work she does. Apple doesn't fall far from tree. 

3 of us enjoying the dinner. My sister asked the question right away, why 3 plates? Well 3 of us enjoyed the meal, Anand didnt care for anything and was happy watching his movie. It DID bother me for a bit but soon I told myself be happy that he is happily watching movie and you should enjoy with other two. 3 of us had good time chatting and enjoying some adult time.

An evening with my son to see the setting Sun - Scituate MA

 Sunsets over water are my weakness but living on the east coast makes it difficult to catch them. Google maps has always been my best friend so I decided to explore another coastal town. Sunset was not exactly over the water but still beautiful. 

We left home after work and reached Scituate after 5.30 pm. The day was just calming down, the light house was beautiful not grand, just a hint of history. But more than anything else the golden hue falling on the water was amazing . We hung out for a little bit and soon left for food. We decided we would get take out and come back and eat on the shore . When we reached the restaurant, the idea of having a beer with seafood made us change the plan. The air, the sky, the light and the seating made it perfect. We rushed back to the light house right after dinner.

The whole place was lit in a golden light, it was a one of a kind sight. The sun was setting and the sky reflected on the water was changing its color. It was hard to decide which way to look. I didn’t realized the effect of setting sun against the water could be so dramatic until last night.

We sat there listening to the waves and seeing the sun go down. For some time everything was just golden and the sky was a combination of so many colors.

 Scituate shores are rocky and I did go down to to the water but it was not like any other “walking to the water” it was hard work but worth it. I sat on the rocks for sometime soaking my feet but soon a big wave decided otherwise. I was drenched waist down. I was surprised how quickly the colors started getting darker and soon it was time for us to drive back home. We drove along the ocean for a bit and my tired and sleepy son decided to take a nap. I drove back home with Jagjit Singh playing and thinking about my day.

Driving with Ajey was a different  experience this time.  We talked about his new project. That one hour really gave us much needed time without any interruptions. I got to know more about his Roleplaying game book and the whole industry. He is managing his work and this hobby of his which is turning out to be full time work as well. We talked about project management, human interactions and connecting with people across the globe. 

I was thinking about another conversation I had had at home with Anand. He abruptly left a zoom call because I joined in. It was related to getting him ready for workplace training  and I joined so I could know what was going on. But he didn’t want to do anything with his mom there. The supervisor sent me a note later saying Anand wants to handle everything without involving his mom. I am happy and proud but also heartbroken and worried at the same time. A day made me realized how different a mother I am to both my sons. Hopefully someday Anand gets it but at this point I should be happy with whatever I have.

 I swear I never thought of this day when i was changing his diapers 23 yrs ago. A buddy, a friend, a confidante, advisor, a driver - a son can fit into so many roles.

 sunset and happy me, can you see the smile on my face

 A quick dinner, fabulous food, a good beer and fun company. We ate at Mill Wharf, amazing service and food. Happy me 

and he even pays for it :) a proud mamma moment

and what was I thinking.. Ajey decided to not go down.

various shades of Ocean and sunset. Go if you can. free parking at Lighthouse, pack a sandwich and just sit there and eat, take your beach chairs. No Bathrooms 

Dilemma of school opening

 August mid week is all about school shopping and planning. By this time we all are ready for the kids to go back to where they truly belong - in school.

This year it feels so strange. The question is - do we want our kids to go to school or not?

The neuro typical families will have to consider childcare, schedule, transport and after school. but safety of children prevails and parents are choosing online learning but special needs families worry about all of those plus regression. I think that concerns us most.

Moms Network WhatsApp group is buzzing with messages full of confusion and worry, lack of decision making. Moms don’t even know what to do. I remember when this havoc started all of us struggled with the “what to do with the therapy sessions and providers”. Everything  was so new and unknown it was hard to think beyond the “right now”.

But now when we have been in this for over 5 months, we all are not only scared but also tired and concerned. Our kids are regressing and that is difficult to watch and imagine what will happen if our kids are home for another 6 months. In Anand’s case I know he IS home for the next 6 months. Bridgewater State university has decided on the online module for the program he is in. I feel for the families with severely impacted kids, Medically complex kids, difficult marriages and single parents.So many moms are worried to keep kids home and scared to send them to school.

Friday, on a trip to Cambridge , I went through that difficult phase. Anand was invited for an outdoor socially distant Bday celebration for one of his classmates .He really wanted to go and I was happy for him that he was INVITED. How rare that was in his life a few years back . So I wouldn’t have stopped him anyway. We took him to Cambridge, let him enjoy the meal but I kept wondering if everything will be oK, will he be safe. 6 of them wore masks when they met but took it out while eating. Seeing him enjoying, laughing, eating and having a good time was an absolute joy but at the same time I kept wondering about how close they were to each other.

Please be kind, remember we all are going through something we have never seen, imagined before and don’t know how to react to and manage the whole confusion.

I loved going to Cambridge after months, a simple cotton saree made me forget the knots in my stomach. Hope for a better tomorrow. 

This post is a tribute to every teacher in my orbit. I know they are dealing with all these and some more. 

Uff those eyes. I was so lucky he let me take a picture

Pandey men ..I could never imagine such empty street on Friday evening in Cambridge

The photoshoot saga - different families same smiles.

These family photoshoots have been rewarding in many ways. Different experiences with each family but bring the same outcome. I see them up-close and personal. I have known struggles and difficulties, heard of them and have seen but its not what makes me write today. It’s the whole what makes them a “family”. The love and support they have. More than anything it’s the siblings who warm my heart. They have kind of life unlike any of their friends. Is compassion something they are may be born with? or can it be an acquired virtue. I have seen younger sibling wiping the face of their older sibling or older sibling taking care of their younger sibling like parents. Or a twin watching over other twin with watchful eyes.

I have seen anxious parents keeping an eye on their kid and try to smile for me. They are in so many places at that one point. How they forget that I am a mom and I DO understand what they are going through. They keep reminding their kids to look at the camera and how I keep saying not to worry about it. I know I am good at getting what I want and finally we do get achieve what we set out for.

some beautiful family pictures But each and every picture has a story. A story of love, triumph and smile.

so far I have done 9 families. Most of the mothers I have met before but first time the kids and fathers. Yesterday I went to shoot two families. totally different age group so I received two different welcomes. The younger family, the kids were all about trains and car and simple coins and berries and a hot wheel car made that connection between the kids and me.  A beautifully dressed mother kept reminding her son to look at the camera and smile. I kept reminding her that its not the smile we are after. finally on a hot and humid day we ended up with some beautiful shots.

Couple of miles down the road in other household the kids were all teens. A 13 yrs old, with EarPods and basketball.. that would always remain my memory. A 19 yrs old  girl, who was just amazing with her 18 yrs old brother. I didn’t know how will I connect to this difficult age group. But within minutes I realized they were so ready to make some memories with me. the sun was setting soon so without making small talks we got into work. I wish I had more time in the beginning. But soon they got my style and rhythm and we had some amazing shots. more than anything it was very reassuring to see family smiling and taking my clue without bothering the kid. Having a stranger is always difficult for our kids so we cannot expect what we want. Thats the whole idea behind this idea of photoshoot. to get whatever we can and make the best out of it.

I came back home with amazing memories of nicknaming two kids Mr Car and Mr Subway, how a mom kept a nice scarf and saree pin in my car before I even walked in. How a dad who never met me before took care of cold water for me. A daughter who picked the dress and make up for her mom, how the two siblings carry the chairs for me, took my clue and made their brother comfortable having me around, and the mom kept running into kitchen between picture to check the samosas, how she remembered my taste and the dad served me wine with the samosa. How they open their backyard to other family to come and how all of us spent our time enjoying each others company. One photoshoot connected those two families in a way nothing could before. 

I drove back home with Jagjit Singh in background, with a promise to listen Ghazals with one of the dad, come for Marathi food and have another scotch and wine evening for Ashish and me. These connection and friendship enrich my soul. Stay tuned for more stories. 

Edit - a mom sent me this note - 

Thank you Jaya for the lovely captures of memories. Great Idea. I hope you are able to touch many more families like ours."

Read about this initiative -Click on "Family Photoshoot"

 One of the dad caught Jaya in action. 

the work after the photoshoot :)

I call it " the beatles" pose, It wasn't intentional but now I love it. 

A blue Orissa saree, one kind of Ikat. Just perfect blue saree to support Autism Awareness and Acceptence

A key to happiness - a lesson from my dad - on his Bday

A Photoshoot has been the highlight of my India trips for quite a few years now. My niece told me that she awaits my arrival for the picture sessions.That conversation is stuck with me.

Now I know past weekend events are stuck with a few more families. I took pictures for 4 families. Over 1000 shots were clicked and hundreds of memories were made. But to think of it they are not just pictures, they hold the key to happiness for so many people across the globe and bring them joy. The families back home, grandparents, uncles and aunts, friends. They are seeing happy faces and smiles. The action pictures, the couple pictures, the family pictures, all of them are capable of telling so many stories. I didn’t see frustration, tears, fights or arguments, awkwardness or hesitation, I not only saw but felt the smiles and the laughter and the ease. It took time to build the repo with families but then it was a cake walk.

I drove over 100 miles in 2 days and spent two evenings photographing but I came back home feeling rejuvenated and content. I could get out of the house, see some new people from a safe distance. It was a kind of therapy for me too.

Saturday was hot and humid but it didn’t stop a young mom from dressing up in her fineries. The kid was tired but survived and gave us some beautiful smiles to capture with his car. A teenage girl was kind enough to tolerate the heat and followed my instructions to change the place or position. The parents could get out of their “parent” role and become a “couple” for some cute pictures. 

Sunday was much better and a breezy evening and was just perfect weather wise. A new home owner did the photoshoot even before moving to their new home and opened their backyard to their friends too. They are neighbors in the community they live right now. The affection and friendship was obvious, so much so that the kid wanted to be in the other family’s pictures. It was funny, he was least interested in being photographed with his parents but loved being in his neighbor’s lap for pictures.

My dad’s birthday is today and I couldn’t think of anyone but him. How he always thought outside the box and did things for others. At this age he is making a family tree for 100s of families. Something new, something fun to keep him busy . Coincidentally his daughter is also doing something different. I am so proud to be his daughter, today and everyday. Happy Birthday Papa!

PS - I am taking picture of families with special needs kids. my contribution to their happiness , please spread the word. Read here about it - Here ( my previous blog)

  loved the colors in the garden so the flower ended up on the right spot :)

 Another backyard ready for photo shoot.

 3 yrs old, on a humid and hot day, exhausted by the end of the day but was a trooper and his car and a ball did the magic.

 Finding that perfect magical car, dry leaf or grass or a bug. whatever keeps the models engaged.

 The never ending bargaining, our kids are born negotiator. I totally enjoyed the conversation. you cannot see but feel the smile on moms face and kid working with his charm for 10 more minutes of game on the phone.

Memories - lets create some - not only for me but for everyone

I have always been about making memories - it can be in form of stories, poetry, ghazals, sarees or pictures. Everything matters when it is associated with people and a specific time in our life.

My dad always loved taking picture and was very good at it. When I got my first digital camera, he was the first person I thought of. I did get this from him, a passion for taking photographs but not of landscape or nature. I am all about people, faces and emotions.

Unfortunately my men are not much fans of any side of the camera, but that didn’t stop me. I did whatever I wanted and whenever I could. 

Our India Photo shoots have been discussed and talked about plenty and that gave me an idea. I wanted to do that for the families who couldn’t go to the studio for photo shoots or have a photographer come home.

All these simple tasks are tough for families with special need children and an idea was born. I offered the families that I would come to their homes and take their pictures.

Some were happy, some were skeptical and some agreed.

I have a simple DSLR camera but that is good enough to create some amazing memories. 

I hope I do create some memories for you while making some for me. I don’t only take pictures I get some stories, learn something new about human behavior and thoroughly enjoy the process in doing what I love. Stay tuned.
#MomLovesAnand #desimomsNetwork #Memories 

 My dad, My hero - This project is all about him in many ways. Camera and giving back where it is needed most. Papa in Goa..(Nov 2018) happiest him - Ocean, his first born (me), walk on the beach and camera 

Pics of backyard all set up for socially distant photoshoot. I found it very difficult to not hug and kiss that cute kid that evening, a hug to another darling girl who is good to Jaya Auntie. I could play with her hair, put some flower on it or just give her my camera to play with. It was a very hot Saturday and there was no breeze but we all survived. see the lights magic. It was wonderful to see two new familes meet and connect. 

Happy Bday darling.. Beginning of a new decade..

It’s been so long since I write something about our life. April 10th. I was going through some difficult time and somehow I let it take over my life and soul.

It’s been more than 3 months, lots of things changed. It was beginning of spring and now they are in full bloom. I guess I did grow with them too.

Letting go can be tough but thats what the growth is about.

I think Anand’s Bday brought me back to my world. Being a parent defines your life in so many way. With him I grew too I guess.

Instead of writing something new I copy paste my facebook status from July 16th and 18th

The Bday boy gets his wish. just to stay home, do his school Zoom calls and play on his DS.

Tonight he will have Pizza, some cake and watch a movie - Chronicles of Narnia. 

I as a mother finally learning to celebrate his bday in his style. I made peace with him not going shopping and no party, no Moms Style celebration, no crowd.

But today he did video calls with his Grandmother and mausis when I wasn’t even home. That makes my heart swell. The kids has grown, not its time for his mother to grow up
Happy Bday Anand, you rock my world like nothing.

and then on July 20th 

Celebration is a state of mind? may be..

For a change I agreed to Anand’s wish and didn’t do anything mom style. He wanted simple things and I could manage keeping it his way.

A movie night, a cake with no song or candle, Pizza, and garlic bread.I did bring out some hot wheels just for the photo.

we all watched movie in our dark living room.

and I admit it was first time I sat through whole movie, not a single break. He got annoyed with my questions and talks but still managed. Happy Bday Anand- You rock my world like no-one. Stay happy, stay healthy and keep driving your mom crazy.

Today -again- someone did remind me how important it is to keep going if my words resonate with their experience. Thank you for this reminder, I so needed it more than you ever know.

Notice those hot wheels? 100s of them were part of my parenting journey. Almost all of them found a new home over the years. The last batch bids goodbye on Anand's 20th Bday.

 The struggle to find a perfect cake. Lost me in Whole foods.

Anand in a bar in Nagpur. We took all the kids of the family out, while everyone enjoyed a drink or two Anand played his music. I am glad he was there with everyone.